Maybe Our Paths Will Cross Again
by RndGirl
Summary: John falls in love with his greatest enemy's daughter Nathalie but life does everything it can to separate the two one from another. They fight through all bad that comes hoping that one day their paths will cross again.
1. Chapter 1

John MacTavish slowly opened his eyes feeling dizzy and nauseous. The images of the last days events were flashing through his eyes. At least it seemed like it was the last day as he didn't know he had laid unconscious for almost two weeks. John tried to move but it looked like his body didn't want to listen to him at all. He tried a little harder and managed to move his arm up from bed and saw an IV in it. That much of effort made him breathe a lot heavier. He was helpless at the moment and felt forgotten as no one came over to see how he is doing for what felt like eternity.

After a while a young female came over to his ward carrying sheets of paper. Though his vision was a little blurry and it was already getting darker John saw every smallest detail of her. She was masculine and strong built but still very feminine the way she moved. She was wearing black leggings and a light blue tank top. Her hair was dark chocolate brown colour and despite the fact that she had them tied in a ponytail they reached down to her lower back. Her skin was pale but her cheeks were a little red. Her full lips curled up in a smile when she saw that he was awake. But the most important thing that he had noticed was her eyes when they met his. They were beautiful beyond words. One of them was green and the other one blue.

"Nikolai, idi siuda, on prosnulsa." She said and John relaxed when he heard familiar name and then voice when his Russian friend entered the ward. (Nikolai, come over here, he's awake.)

"That's great news to hear, darling." Nikolai said and walked up to the bed. He quickly glanced at John and continued looking at her. The pretty nurse flipped the papers and after looking at the watch starting writing something down.

"How are you feeling?" She asked the young soldier and continued writing waiting for his response.

"Weak. I can hardly move." John answered clearly out of breath. It was difficult to move, breathe, and speak. His head was spinning and overall he was feeling like he was just brought back from the dead.

"That's no surprise. You've been out for two weeks. Though we are very happy to see that you are getting better." Her English was just as fluent as Russian and it surprised John a lot. She seemed a little familiar but he couldn't recall where he might have seen her. John looked at Nikolai and she looked nothing like him.

"This is why I got my lovely friend here to be your nurse. That's Nathalie." Said Nikolai and smiled at her. He seemed to have some kind of sentiment when it came to her. Might have been a family member or daughter of a friend, John pondered.

"It's nice to finally be able to meet you. I mean to be able to talk to you. It's a relief." Nathalie smiled at John and took his hand holding her notes in the other one. Her hand was warm and her skin was soft it made John feel better. Maybe not in physical but more of a mental way. MacTavish was already feeling the heavy burden of his friend's loss with the last things he remembered flashing through his mind. Her warmth was making it fade out and letting him rest. John knew he had to come back to those images when he was better and for that moment he just wanted to rest.

"She is going to take very good care of you. I know that for sure, I was the one who helped her get medical education." Assured Nikolai and looked at his young friend who was eyeballing Nathalie like crazy. She surely charmed him a lot. "Well, I believe you feel a little rough so I will leave you at her hands. I'll come see you another day." Said Nikolai and waved goodbye to Nathalie before leaving the room.

Nathalie smiled at Nikolai and let go of John's hand. She put down her notes on the table and walked back to his bed. Nathalie checked the IV in his right arm. Then she gently pulled the blanket off his body. His chest area was bandaged and left arm was covered in bruises and scrapes. She gently peeled the plaster that was holding the bandages in place on his lower abdomen and John could feel her warm fingertips brush against his skin. She took off the bandages and her smile was gone from her face. She walked away and threw old bandages into the trash can. There were a few plastic boxes under the table and she took one of them put on the table and opened it. She took new bandages and started layering them piece by piece. When there was enough cloth to keep the wound dry for a few hours she took medical tape and stuck it to the edges of the bandages.

"Is there anything you would need? Something to drink, maybe a blanket?" Nathalie asked him when she was done checking up on his wound. Carefully she pulled the blanket back over his body and helped him get his arms over it.

"A drink would be nice." He said trying to relax though he felt very uncomfortable. Lying in bed for a long time was making him feel more sore than the actual damage he received during the battle. "How long will it take for me to recover?"

"I think it will take a while. Not that you are heavily injured I just want to make sure you are well. I'm sure you are going to heal fast being young and strong but I don't want to risk it."

"So what is wrong with me overall?"

"Well, you already saw the wound that I cleaned. You also have sprained left ankle and damaged your back. It's not broken as the x-ray shows but you suffered some great damage so it's going to hurt for a while." She explained and took a bottle of water from the table. Nathalie opened it and gave it to him. John carefully held it in her hand while she pulled him up to allow him to drink.

"Yeah I can feel that my back is not right." He groaned when he had more pressure on his back when sitting up. He greedily drank water since he felt his throat was dry and it was hard to talk. John sighed and gave the bottle back to her. "Thanks."

"No problem. It's my job." Nathalie said and helped him lay back down. "I'll let you rest now." She walked towards the door and stopped to look back at him.

"When are you going to be back?" Asked MacTavish trying to get more comfortable. He quickly glanced at her and saw a smile that had already managed to charm him.

"I check up on you every half an hour to make sure you alright. In case you need anything call other nurses. They don't speak English but they will call me."

John nodded at her words and watched her leave the room. He took a deep breath and relaxed feeling various thoughts lowing through his head. From wondering where Nikolai managed to get such beauty as his nurse to what he was supposed to do when he recovers. It was a lot of things to overcome: physical pain that was slowly kicking in and mental pressure that he actually caused himself. He felt tears flowing down his cheeks. It was difficult to know he was the last one alive in the whole team and that he will have to continue living knowing he couldn't do anything to save them.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok I mentioned in summary of my other story that I have a major writers block (I had written this and two more chapters a while ago). Also I said that English is not my mother's tongue and I feel like my stories lack writing style so I am reading a lot of English literature to improve and I hope that in later chapters (of both of my stories) it will be better. anyway, thank you for reading and I would greatly appreciate your reviews. Thank you!

* * *

Few days later Nikolai came over to visit young Sergeant in hospital. He entered ward in which John was laying with a cheerful greeting. He saw John already sitting in bed with a book in his hands. He still looked pretty bad and weak though a smile on his face indicated that he was feeling better. When Nikolai walked up to the bed he noticed that Nathalie had passed out on a couch.

"Are you bossing around that much?" He joked.  
"She just went to sleep recently. And I'm not bossing around. She is trying a little too hard." Said John.  
"Yes, yes, she is a very sweet girl. Very honest and caring though life wasn't so good for her."  
John looked up to him confused. What was Nikolai talking about? Nathalie didn't really tell him anything about herself, on the other hand he didn't really ask anything.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Nikolai."  
"If you earn her trust, she'll tell you."  
John nodded and looked at the asleep female. She must have been tired since she was running around him all the time. Bringing in medicine, helping him move in bed, massaging his sore muscles, taking samples to lab and such. No wonder she passed out as soon as she lay down.  
"Anyway... what happened with others?"  
"For all I know Gaz have already been honoured in UK, Griggs was on his way to USA. I have nothing on Price. I have spent days looking for information about him but there's nothing. I thought I would kill Kamarov for losing Price."  
MacTavish sat there feeling completely empty. He survived. Only him. Others were gone. And he had to live with that burden; those memories haunting him all the time.  
"On the same note..." began Nikolai "I got something that belongs to you." He said and took a black book out of a folder.  
"My journal. Thanks." Said John taking the book.  
"The rest is for Nathalie." Said Nikolai and put the folder on the table. He turned back to Soap one more time and patted him on the shoulder. "Get better." He said and left the room.  
John flipped over pages looking at the sketches he made and notes he wrote. He had mixed emotions of his situation. He felt pathetic and weak because he was unable to save his teammates and his friends but he was also pleased and grateful for having Nathalie and getting a chance to live, get stronger and next time to save everyone.  
His contemplation was distracted by the sound of Nathalie shifting her weight. She opened her eyes to look at John and when she caught his sight Nathalie smiled softly. "How long I've been out?"  
"An hour or two."  
"Ah, then it's time to get up." She said and moved to the ledge of the couch. "That folder... Was Nikolai here?"  
"Yes. He left a couple of minutes ago."  
"Ah, well I guess I'll see him next time." She stood up and walked over to door. "I'm starving. I'm quite sure you are too. Since you were feeling better now I guess I'll bring you something light to eat." She winked at him and left the ward. Soon she came back with a tray on which were few plates with food and dessert and a bowl of soup. Nathalie set the tray on the table and gently handed John the bowl with a spoon.  
"Hopefully it's not too hot and it doesn't taste bad. And also I hope your stomach accepts it." "Thanks." Said John.  
Once they were done with their meals Nathalie stacked the dishes on the tray. She walked closer to John.  
"Is everything ok? You seem kinda off..."  
"I'm alright just need some time alone."  
"Okay, I'll let you rest then." She took the dishes and flashed another charming smile before leaving.

* * *

Nathalie entered the break room where all nurses kept their things and gathered to rest. She took her phone and saw two missed calls. She dialled the number and heard a male voice answering.  
"Where were you?"  
"Taking care of my patient. What else I could be doing?"  
"You could come back to me. You know Zakhaev is dead."  
"I already told you I chose a different path in life. I'm with the loyalists I couldn't care less about him."  
"I know I can't change your decision. I've spent way too many years trying to do it. Natalia, I miss you."  
"I know. I'll see you whenever I can. I'm glad you finally got over the fact that I will never be your soldier."  
"But the war is just starting. You know you might end up in the crossfire between two sides when you can't make your choice."  
"I already did." She said and hung up. She wasn't in a mood for any fights or talking with him at all.  
Nathalie looked at the time. She had half an hour before she had to take the medicine to John so she decided to take another nap. She made herself comfortable on one of the couches.

* * *

Nathalie was rudely awakened by other nurse calling out for her.  
"Natasha! Natasha, prosnis. Ty nuzhna svoimu soldatu. Emu tam ploxa." (Natasha, wake up. Your soldier needs you. He's feeling ill.)  
Nathalie jumped up from her sleep and rushed out. She saw John leaning over one side of bed coughing. Before she could take more steps further he threw up. She ran towards him on the other side of bed and when he stopped vomiting she gently pulled him back into bed. Swiftly she positioned him instead of sitting to laying position. His body was hot to touch so she checked his forehead too.  
"Oh lord, you are burning, John." She said and started going through plastic boxes where she kept all of the medicine. She grabbed one of the syringes and a small bottle. Quickly she filled the syringe with medication and injected it straight to Johns veins. He looked unaware of his surroundings but managed to whisper "I'm cold."  
Nathalie left the room and came back with a bunch of blankets too keep him warm. She was followed by another lady a janitor that cleaned up the floor. Nathalie left the room and came back with two new fluid bags since last one had only quarter left and over the night she would have to change them.  
"Nat.. Nathalie." Whispered John when he finally was back in reality.  
"I'm here. How do you feel? Does anything hurt?" She asked worried and gently took his hand.  
"I'm dizzy. Whole room is spinning and I have a splitting headache."  
"It's okay, relax. I gave you some strong medicine that will reduce the temperature and ease the headache. Try to rest now."  
MacTavish was staring at the ceiling that was spinning like mad. He then looked at his young nurse whose image was blurry. "Will you stay with me?" He asked.  
"Obviously. I'll spend the whole night here. It was my mistake to leave you like that. You need me more than I need my sleep." She answered and gently squeezed his hand. Nathalie put a palm on John's forehead since her body temperature was lower than his.  
"Sleep would be nice..." trailed John. "Can you talk me to sleep?"  
"Sure. What do you want me to talk about?"  
"Tell me about yourself."  
"Well there's not really much to tell. My full name is Nathalie Vladimirovna Silver. I'm half British half Russian. I live here in Russia and work as a nurse from time to time. I'm currently 20 years old and soon will be 21. I also have basic military training. My favourite sport is football and favourite colour is blue. I have no special or interesting skills but tend to trip over my own feet."  
Soap was asleep in no time. She smiled when his breathing became regular and his whole body relaxed. She gently pulled up the blankets to keep him warm. Nathalie sighed and understood it was going to be a long night for her.


	3. Chapter 3

Another filler. Look forward for some fun in following chapters. Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated :)

* * *

Two weeks later John was already healing and kept Nathalie on her feet all day long. Usually they would do all sorts of easy exercises to build back up his strength. He was getting back in shape and already tried to get out of bed and walk around.

"You see I am making progress." Said John with Nathalie beside him for support.

"Of course you are. I'm the one nursing you." She said helping him stand up.

"Alright, let's do this slowly." She said and he took a step. And another. And then he tripped. Nathalie freaked out and tried to hold him up with all of her strength. Despite the fact that she was strong and muscular he was way taller and heavier. Then John just lifted himself up laughing with tears.

"Bloody hell, MacTavish." She cursed in a perfectly British accent. "That's not funny."

"It is." He said laughing even more. "And your accent is amazing. It makes me wonder if you are truly only a halfie."

"You're an ass, John." She said and let him go. He was standing on his feet with no support. It was clear that he was still having difficulties but it was significant improvement. "Do it all on your own now."

Nathalie sat down on a couch and looked at him with a cocky smile. John's smile was still there but it was his first time walking without her support. He carefully took one step further and took one deep breath. Come on, John, you can do it he thought. After three more steps he was close enough to reach the couch so he lowered himself to it and sat down. He was completely out of breath.

"You know Glasgow FC had a match yesterday. It was fun to watch." She said with the same cocky smile.

"Is this necessary? I mean you torture me physically and then you decide to torture me mentally... You're mean." He said and pouted.

Nathalie laughed at him being clearly out of breath and pouting like a little kid. Sometimes it really felt like bringing up a child for Nathalie. Though she couldn't lie that he was a cute and sometimes very sweet kid and she had fun no matter how exhausting it was.

"Here. You can read about it on the internet." She said and pulled out her phone out of the pocked. John took her phone and was quite surprised. "No lock, eh?"

"You are the first person to use it apart from me of course. But don't worry there are no nudes." She said standing up and walked up to thw door.

"How'd you know I would be looking for nudes?" John joked and Nathalie rolled her eyes.

"I'm gonna get something to eat in the meantime you can rest because after lunch we continue exercising."

Nathalie left the room and when she came back with food saw MacTavish talking to someone on the phone. On her phone. Her heart dropped but she didn't show it. She set the plates on the table and walked closer to John.

"There's someone who wants to talk with you." Said John and gave back Nathalie her phone.

"Yes..." she said a little nervous but soon she felt a relief when she heard friendly Nikolai's voice.

"Natasha, you sound scared. Saw a ghost?" He joked.

"No, but leaving my phone with John is frightening. Remind me to not do it again." She said and handed Soap the food.

"And did you analyse the files that I left you?"

"Da. Ja nidumala chto on tak bystro vsio organizuet. Teper poniatno pochemu on zvonil." Sudden change from English to Russian made John suspicious but he didn't know her well enough to say anything about it. (Yes. I didn't think he would organize everything so fast. Now I understand why he called me.)

"On tebe zvonil? Kogda?" Asked Nikolai. (He called you? When?)

"Nedavno. Ty dolzhen pomoch mne ubezhat. Esli on takoj apasen ya nemogu ostatsa v Rossii." She said and walked over to the window to look outside. (Not a long time ago. You have to help me run away. If he is so dangerous I can't stay in Russia.)

"I'll think of something. Take care of MacTavish."

"I will." Nathalie ended the call and turned around to look at John.

"Something's wrong?" He asked when he saw how her face changed. The sweet smile that was usually brightening his day was gone from her face. It was the first time when he noticed that Nathalie was actually really tired and sad about something.

"A personal matter." She said taking the plates from him and settling them on the table. Then she walked back to the couch and just slummed onto it. She sighed and covered her face with her palms. The only thing she wanted more than anything was just to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with no people around her and where her problems wouldn't matter and wouldn't have such effect on her mood.

John leaned towards her, gently took her hand and pulled it away from her face. He saw tears forming in her eyes but she managed to hold them back. "You can tell me whatever you want." He said reassuringly.

At first she hesitated. She couldn't tell him anything about herself without him judging her. Everyone judges her like that. Even Nikolai wanted to push her away at first not knowing how kind she actually was.

"Do you feel like the life is doing everything to smother you?" She asked when she calmed herself and decided that staying completely silent is not an option. John nodded and she continued. "Well I am trying to run away from my past and it's catching up with me. It's something I want to forget but there are others who don't want me to."

"Did something happen in your past?"

"No. It's my life overall that I'm trying to change. Though there are things that I did and I'm not proud of it..."

John moved closer to her and pulled her into a warm embrace. She didn't object and carefully wrapped her arms around him trying not to touch the wounds. It was something different; someone has finally tried to comfort her, someone actually cared. It was something she haven't felt for a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everyone! I will be posting more chapters of this story soon :) (yay for me!) I feel like this story has to catch up with the events of the other story Precious girl so I guess I will be more concentrated on this one but don't worry I am not neglecting the other one. Still writing new chapters though it goes slowly. Anyway, hope that you like it and thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated :)

* * *

Later the same week.

John was walking around his room in hospital waiting for Nathalie. She was gone. Literally. She would always show up early in the morning to check up on him but she didn't that day. John even asked other nurses about her and one told him in a broken English that she wasn't anywhere in the hospitals territory. He wondered how could she leave him like that but knew he was selfish to think so. She had every right to leave whenever she wanted since he was almost completely healthy. Then maybe she actually left and something happened to her. MacTavish was walking around thinking of her when Nathalie burst through the door completely out of breath. She wasn't wearing her typical nurse clothes. Instead she was wearing black skinny jeans, a purple blouse and a leather jacket with black wedges to match her outfit. She was also carrying a bag with her.

"Hey. Get dressed. I'll be waiting outside." She said giving him the bag and then rushed out the ward.

John was standing there very confused by what just happened but didn't dare to object and emptied bags contents onto the bed. There were a bunch of new clothes still with the price tags. A pair of jeans, green tshirt, black hoodie, and black sneakers. He quickly got dressed noticing that everything fit him almost perfectly. He smiled and walked out of the room. There was a bunch of people rushing around the corridors and there was Nathalie standing there chatting with another nurse. She noticed John already out in the corridor and said goodbye to her friend and walked up to him.

"Sorry about the rush. Nikolai completely messed up. You are being written out of hospital and he was supposed to take you back to Hereford but he is busy and will be back only in a week or two which means you will be staying with me until he can take you back." She said and waved him to follow.

"You mean I'll be living with you?" He asked walking after her.

"Hopefully it will be only for a week. It all depends on Nikolai." She said and turned her head to smile at him.

He followed her through corridors and down the stairs. Good thing they were on the second floor otherwise he wouldn't have made it. They walked up to reception and Nathalie put her signature on a few papers and they left the hospital. There was a parking lot nearby where Nathalie left her car. It was a Citroen C5, nothing too special but it was enough for her to drive to work or grocery shop. They entered the car and drove through the streets of what looked like a big town. John didn't question anything so Nathalie looked at him from time to time. Their destination was an underground parking lot where they left the car and took an elevator to the 4th floor. She unlocked the door with number 402 on it and let John in.

"Feel like home." She said when she closed the door behind her and locked it.

It kinda reminded him of home. Warm and cosy flat with a sweet smell of coffee and caramel. He took off his shoes and walked further. There was a huge living room connected with kitchen on the right from the entrance. On the left were three doors and at the end of the room was a huge window going from floor to the ceiling.

Nathalie took off her shoes and jacket which she hung on the hanger beside the door.

"Here is bathroom. I left a towel and more clean clothes in case you want to take a shower. There's toilet and next door is my bedroom." She said and settled at the couch.

"Thanks." He said and went to the bathroom.

Nathalie walked over the kitchen and put two pizzas that she prepared earlier into the oven. Then she walked over to her room and changed into her casual clothes which were dark blue leggings and a white xxl tshirt that was very loose on her. Then she walked back to the living room and turned on TV and switched to sports channel which showed another football match. She slummed to the couch and watched the match blankly, didn't even notice what teams were playing.

Soon John left the bathroom and Nathalie turned to look at him. He had new clean clothes on and was freshly shaven. He even cut and shaved his hair.

"A mohawk?" She laughed.

"What? You don't like it?" He asked and walked closer to the couch.

"No. It looks nice. It's just rare to see such haircut here." Nathalie moved on the couch to make place for him to sit down.

"So I am stuck with you in here for a week?" He asked sitting down next to her. She nodded and looked at him trying to read his emotions. His face was blank but inside it was boiling. The mention of Hereford brought up the pain of losing his teammates which he tried to push away. Being somewhere in Russia far away from reality made it easier. It was like a vacation from yourself and your thoughts. Perfect when you are in denial of your failure. At least that's what he thought. That he failed though home he was a hero. Man who killed the ultranationalist leader. The one who ended terror as they thought or at least slowed down their movement.

John's contemplation was interrupted by Nathalie bringing plates with pizza. She put them on the small table in front of the couch then walked back to kitchen and took out two bottles of dark beer which she also brought to the living room.

"Did you learn to teleport or something?" John asked confused.

"You just drifted away. And I took the opportunity to get the food. Haven't had homemade food in a while. Thanks to you, mister." She laughed sitting back to her primary position.

"Yeah, thanks to me Zakhaev is gone, miss." He said with sarcasm. "Now what?"

"Football, pizza and beer." She smile grabbing one slice. "Though I feel bad giving you alcohol. As a nurse I should take care of you."

"You are taking care of me by letting enjoy some things in life." He said grabbing the beer. John wasn't a big fan of such beverages he preferred something stronger and tastier.

"I'm pretty sure there are better things to enjoy like wine, liquor and scotch, am I right?"

John laughed at her words. She was quite right about it. He looked at her and noticed her concentrated on what was happening on a TV screen. 'Guess after all she didn't lie about liking football' he thought.


	5. Chapter 5

John woke up in a bed with a slight headache. He rolled from his side onto the back. He didn't quite remember what happened last evening after football and pizza and hoped that he hadn't done anything bad. When he sat up in bed saw a note lying on the bedside.

Hey,

Last night you finished all of my beer (good thing I didn't have any scotch) and I can imagine your morning won't be really pleasant. I am going for a morning run and will be back in an hour or so. Hope you feel better by then.

Nat.

John got out of bed and put on the pants that were lying beside the bed. He folded the note and put it in the pocket. The apartment was very quiet so obviously she wasn't back yet. John walked out to the living room which looked emptier than the day before probably because he was alone. Nathalie had quite the personality since with her smile and overall herself she filled the room with some kind of positive energy. Even then John saw that she was distant. You could see the sadness and sorrow hiding in her eyes. And the scars she was trying to hide desperately. Some looked like self-harm others were definitely battle scars. She told him she had basic military training, didn't she? But did she actually go to battle? What was she hiding?

"If you earn her trust, she'll tell you." John repeated Nikolai's words and went to the kitchen where breakfast was waiting for him. There were a few sandwiches made and a cup of hot coffee that was still steaming. She must have left recently. John took a sandwich and the cup of coffee and walked up to the window. It was an early morning and you could see the sun rising far away. He looked at the surround buildings. Most of them were also blocks of flats with small shops at the ground floors. There was a boutique and a coffee shop in one building. He couldn't see anything further and even if he could see the signs were in Russian so it wouldn't do any good for him.

When he finished his breakfast he couldn't stop thinking about Nathalie still. She tried her best to take good care of him and even now when he was healthy she was taking care of him. And this is all because Nikolai asked her to? How far she would go for her friends and family? Then it hit him. Does she have a family? Her whole flat have no sorts of decorations or pictures and it looked like no one was living there.

MacTavish turned around when he heard the door unlock. Nathalie walked in with a paper bag in her arms. She was wearing running shoes, leggings and a sweatshirt. Young female smiled when she saw John beside the window.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" She asked putting the bag down and taking off her shoes.

"I'm well. Thanks. How was your run?"

"It was fine. It's quite warm outside but the wind is chilly so I couldn't run for that long. Hungry?"

John shook his head and walked over to kitchen to put the cup in the sink. She walked past him and put the groceries into the fridge. When she turned around and looked at John once again she flashed her pretty smile at him. His eyes followed her when she walked past him and to the bathroom. While she was in the shower John settled on the couch and brought his courage to ask her a question that was haunting him a little.

"Hey, mind if I ask a question?" He asked when she walked out to the living room dressed in fresh clothes.

"Sure." She said and walker closer to John.

"I guess it's really not my business, but your home looks empty without any personal belongings like photographs or sculptures or souvenirs and I wonder if you have anything like that..." he wondered and she knew that he wasn't actually asking if she had anything that reminded of precious people but if she had those people. She smiled and said "wait here" as she walked to the bedroom. Few minutes later she came out with a box in her hands. Nathalie sat down next to John and glanced at him before she opened the box.

"If you remember back at hospital I said that I was running away from my past. Well here is all of the past that doesn't sicken me." She said and took out a bunch of photographs out of the box. There were only 10 of them.

"They are in time order from oldest to newest. Here is the first one. I'm with my mom and her dog Terry. He was Staffordshire Terrier. Loved that dog to bits. Oh, I was 3 years old at the time." She said handing him the photograph. John looked at it more closely. The woman that was in the picture was stunning John couldn't deny that since Nathalie basically was her copy except that their hair and eyes were different colours.

"And here I am two years later. I fell asleep hugging Terry. He was an amazing friend. If I am not mistaken this photo was taken two months before my mother passed away."

"Sorry to hear that." Said John looking at her face that still had the smile on.

"It's ok. It's past and I kinda got over it." Nathalie gave him that photo and on the next one she was already a teenager. "Since my father didn't take part in my life next photo is when I was graduating med school. I was 17 at the time and that's Nikolai standing next to me." John laughed when he saw them together. Both of them were happy and Nikolai looked like a proud father. John guessed he kinda took the role of her protector if she didn't have a father.

"The next 3 pictures are from my military service. I served for three years and each picture is from different year. I was a medical personnel but sometimes I needed medical attention more than others." In the first picture of three Nathalie was standing among her teammates. In the second one there were only two people: Nathalie and another soldier and both of them had bruises and blood all over their faces shoulders and arms. The guy had a black eye.

"What the hell happened?" Asked John crept out.

"He hated me. And what can I say, the feeling was mutual. We got in a fight and these are the results." She laughed and her voice echoed through the room. Nathalie looked at John who was staring at her with an arched eyebrow "You did that?" He questioned.

"Yep." She said and laughed again.

"You are a scary woman, Nathalie."

She nodded in response and gave him another picture. "My last day as a soldier. It was a great journey in my life. I miss the feeling of adrenaline and responsibility."

"You said you had basic military training."

"Yes. I was a sergeant. That's pretty basic, isn't it?"

"Please tell me you're kidding..." sighed John and once again Nathalie burst out laughing. "Really, Nathalie? Do I seem basic to you?"

"Am I hurting your feelings, Sergeant MacTavish?" She said with a deep voice and fell to the side when she couldn't stop laughing anymore. The pictures fell out of her hands when the tears started streaming down her cheeks and she was gasping for air. John leaned over to her and started ticking her. She screamed "Stop!" And tried to move away from him which made him move even closer to her. "That'll teach you not to mess with me, Miss Silver." He said in a joking way.

Nathalie gave up trying to hide from him and embraced her fate to be tickled so much she would laugh to death. _Kinda fun death if you think of it_ she thought. When he stopped tickling her it took some time for her to catch her breath. She just looked up to him leaning over her with a wicked smile on his face. Nathalie giggled at the sight and said "Get off me, you fat unicorn!"

He leaned back to his seat and laughed at her words. "What kind of insult is that?" He questioned giving her a hand to sit back up. She stuck out her tongue when she heard her phone ring. Nathalie pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the number. She already knew who and why was calling.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I am sorry most of the chapters are not very long but I promise far longer chapters in the future. Hope you enjoy this one :) thanks for reading.

* * *

Her mood was killed instantly. Nathalie picked up the photographs that she dropped and set them on the table in front of the couch. She stood up, walked into the bedroom and locked herself in.

"What do you want?" She said when she answered the call.

At first her caller was silent but then he stated "My enemy in my home. How ironic."

"It's not your home. It is my and only my home." Said Nathalie as she sat down on the bed that MacTavish left messy in the morning.

"You promised to visit me."

"I will. Once I am done with my business."

"Does that business include having fun with my enemies? May I join the fun?" Teased deep voice with Russian accent.

"Oh lord, please don't. Everyone just runs away from my life when they find out who you are."

"I'm your family, Natasha. You can't run away from that forever."

She sighed thinking of what she could say. The mixed feelings about it drove her mad. Nathalie knew that he was the only family she had but their relationship was a complete mess.

"I'm not running from my family. I am running from the manipulating monster. There's nothing Saint left to you and I still have some humanity left to not follow your path in life." She finally said. "You'll have to let me go."

"I can't..."

Nathalie hung up before he could finish his sentence and curled in between the blankets with tears forming in her eyes. She was lost. There was no one she could talk with about what she was living through because there's no one who could possibly understand. Even John who was sitting in the other room staring at the pictures of her wasn't capable of taking all of the information she would have dropped on him. She didn't really know him that well; how long she had known him, a month and a half? All she could do was just hide.

Meanwhile John was looking at the pictures she set on the table. There were four of them left and by the way they looked they were very recent. In one Nathalie was wearing a bright blue dress walking in the park. In the other one she was in a small coffee shop on a late evening. The scenery was familiar to him though he wasn't sure where he saw it until he saw the Eye of London in the other photo. He flipped it over and saw handwritten words "Trip to Britain, April of 2011" It was just a couple of months ago. The last picture was of her and another guy where they were on swings in a yard of an unfamiliar house. Another note was on the back of that photograph. **Trip to Britain. April of 2011. The day I met Tyler.** John flipped the picture back and looked at them more closely. They didn't really look alike, one wouldn't say that they were related which made him question why she was on a trip to Britain and how did they meet.

Once he put the photographs in chronological order he took the box to put them back but noticed there were more than pictures in it. He gently took out dog tags which had things written in Russian. _They must be from when she was a soldier _he thought. They were a little worn off and one of them was bent. There was also a collar with a tag and a name Terry on it. Next to it laid a golden locket and a silver watch. Inside the locket was a picture of what John understood Nathalie's mother as a teenager. On the very bottom laid an unopened envelope with more Russian words on it. As John was looking at it Nathalie walked out of bedroom with blanket wrapped up around her.

"Found something interesting?" She asked settling next to him.

"Yes. This." He said and gave her the letter and the very last picture.

"Oh, that's recent." She said smiling. "That's my relative in a way. He is my mother's cousin's son. I went to Britain hoping to find some of my mother's relatives, part of my family and he was the only one I found. My grandparents were gone for years. And here..." she trailed looking at the envelope in her hands. "It's a letter from my father. I never had the guts to read it afraid of knowing the truth. I always thought living with hatred towards him is better because I was afraid that I will actually forgive him and let him back in my life."

"Let him back? You knew him?"

"Yes. Up until my mother's death he was an amazing and caring father but after she passed away he became very distant and buried himself in work. He basically gave up on me and I believe that he loved and still love me but I just cannot forgive him." She explained.

John took the letter from her and examined it further. He couldn't understand the name of the sender but there was a date written on the corner. 2006/02/25.

"Five years, huh?" He pondered looking at the little thing that brought so many negative emotions to Nathalie.

"Might be five more. Though it's nice to know he hadn't forgotten my birthday over the years."

John looked at her with a questioning look on his face so she explained "He sent the letter on my birthday."

"Might be coincidence. Though it's nice to know your birthday. I'll give you a call that day to thank you for saving me and giving me a chance to live a little longer and maybe even celebrate my own birthday." He said putting everything back into the box and looked at her with a smile when he closed the lid.

Nathalie was grateful he was so sweet to her. So much human interaction drained energy out of her but she was very happy to be in company of such honest and warm person. It might have been far too many years since someone was so gentle and tender with her. She appreciated every minute they've spent together and it kind of looked like they were a great team with her taking care of him physically and him supporting her emotionally. Nathalie gently leaned on his shoulder and John put his arm around her waist. They were smiling one at another and the whole world seemed to stop and rest.

"I am very happy that Nikolai asked me to help you because you helped me greatly too." She whispered and relaxed at his side.

"I am happy to meet you too, Nathalie..." said John and enjoyed his time with her.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: So there is a huge plot twist in this chapter the reveal of the person who keep calling Nathalie. Though I believe it's not really a b plot twist at all. I guess it was quite obvious who the person was. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reading :)

* * *

The rest of their week passed very quickly. One day they went out for a walk in a park and coffee afterwards. It was a warm day so they stay out whole day out up until the football match in the evening which they watched comfortably laying on the couch. The two following days they chilled at home and one evening Nikolai called to tell them he was back and that he would take MacTavish back to Britain.

That day was the worst day of John's life. It was the day when he had to leave his dream and go back to the cruel reality. He had to leave the woman that already won a place in his heart. He had to leave her in Russia all alone and it killed him so much.

The same went through Nathalie's head. It was the day when her first crush, her first love was leaving if you could call what she was feeling love as she had never thought she could be able to feel it. But she did and it just tore her heart apart when she knew he had to leave her in couple hours.

Their morning started very quietly with a bit of awkwardness. She made pancakes for the breakfast and they ate it at the kitchen's table in complete silence opposite of what they did the other mornings which they spent in living room chatting about their favourite TV shows. There were so many things both of them wanted to say but none of them had the courage. Since they never talked about such feeling like affection or love they didn't know what they were feeling one for another and decided to keep it to themselves afraid of looking like fools. If only they knew that they were meant to be...

Once they finished their breakfast Nathalie cleaned up the kitchen and John just looked out of the window. It looked like someone built a wall between them or maybe they built it themselves.

"What do you want to do?" Asked Nathalie when she walked up to John.

"No idea." He mumbled. "Do we even have time for anything?"

"We have two hours before Nikolai shows up."

"Not really enough for anything." He said and looked at her. "Before I forget, I still need your phone number to call you on your birthday."

She smiled and walked up to the small wardrobe on which all of her handbags were. Nathalie took out a pen with a small notebook and ripped out one page. She walked back to John writing down her number and handed the paper to him. He took it and put it in a pocket.

"I have an idea. Since I had a great time with you I would like to have a picture to put in that little box of mine." She said.

"Great idea." He agreed and they both walked to the bedroom where she kept her camera. John sat down and waited for Nathalie to sit next to her. She got her camera out of the closet where she kept all of her things and walked up to John. "Since we don't have anyone to take our picture we'll have to do this the difficult way."

Nathalie sat down next to him turned on her camera and flipped it. "Smile." She said and started making continuous shots. At first they were looking all normal but after first 20 shots John started making faces and when Nathalie noticed him doing that decided to join.

"67 shots. Hopefully at least one will be fine." She said checking the pictures.

"Ah, but we are so good looking you'll have difficulties deciding which picture to choose for your box album." Joked John as they finally eased up and their parting tension disappeared. Though both of them still felt bitter about the situation they were in.

"Don't forget to send one to me when I'm back in Hereford."

"I'll send a whole care package with pictures, sweets and a letter. And it will be brought to you by no other than Nikolai's courier company." She joked and then heard her phone ring which made her heart drop.

Nathalie put down her camera on the bed and walked out to the living room. John patiently waited for her to finish the talk on the phone and when she did she walked back to bedroom. The look on her face was sad as if the love of her life just died.

"Nikolai called. He finished his job early and he is already here." She said turned around and walked out all broken and hurt.

John stood up and picked up his journal from the nightstand. It was the only thing that belonged to him. He sighed and looked around the room before he put a small note on the bed and walked to the living room. Nathalie was already putting her shoes on. He walked up to her and put on his shoes as she grabbed the keys. They left the flat in complete silence and moved down to the ground floor in the elevator. Once they were standing in the hall they saw Nikolai waiting outside. Nathalie waved to him and turned to John.

"I guess this is it." He said.

"Don't think of this as the ending, John. Maybe our paths will cross again." She smiled at him sweetly and they hugged. They held one another close for a few minutes and it kind of seemed like an eternity. Once they moved away John walked outside and Nathalie took the elevator to the fourth floor. Her eyes were flooding with tears and she barely managed to see the numbers on the doors. When she got back home the only thing she wanted was to lay in her bed and when she entered the bedroom saw a note that John left. Underneath it laid the letter from her father.

_Dear Nathalie, _

_I was lucky to get to know you for over a month and it was the best medicine for my soul. I hope that there will come a day when we meet again and it will last longer than a month. Also, I guess it's really not my business but you should read the letter of your father and you don't have to forgive him, just know the other side of the story._

_With love, _

_John._

She sat there with tears still streaming down her face. She knew John was right about the letter that she should have red it long time ago but she hesitated trying to deny the truth. And truth was Nathalie still kept in touch with her father. She opened the envelope and took out the letter.

_Dear Nathalie, _

_I hope there will come a day when you read this letter and understand the motives of my actions and maybe forgive me. There are so many things I want to tell you I don't know where to start. I guess the very first thing I want to say is that I love you, my dearest child, and despite the hate you express towards me I will still love you forever. _

_Though you may not think that someone like me could feel something like love because I destroyed whatever relationship we had when your mother died but I had my reasons to do it. One of them is that in the ultranationalist party whenever someone is not trying hard enough in their eyes they keep the pressure on one thing that is the most important for every person - family. I didn't want them to give a chance to target you whenever I disagreed, I needed to have no weaknesses and you were my only weakness. You cannot imagine how it broke my heart to refuse you when you stretched your little arms towards me hoping I would pick you up and go play outside with you and Terry. Whenever you had a nightmare and I couldn't come over and hold you in my arms until you calm down I died on the inside. And as you grew older the things that I made you do practically destroyed the man I was. I am a broken man now; lost in the life with no possibility to redeem my faults. I knew that the path I've chosen is wrong when I've met your mother but I already had no way back, you saw what they do with men that try to leave their cause and all that was left to me just do what I do best - destroy beautiful things in life. _

_That's why I go with such path in life but I guess it didn't mean I had to pull you in it too. Though I did and it broke you just like it broke me. All the ruthless training and killing... I knew it was so wrong to force you to fight for ultranationalists but now that you have grown strong and independent I hope you will choose a different path in life and I will support you whatever you do. You are still your mother's daughter as we agreed you can have two nationalities. In a couple of years you'll have to choose one and live by it for the rest of your life. Hopefully you will make the right decision._

_And the last thing is that if you ever need anything you can ask me. I don't care what you will choose to do from now on I will still help you with any problem you have. _

_Your father, _

_Vladimir Makarov_

Once she was done reading she knew what she had to do. Nathalie took her phone and dialled a number she never thought she would want to dial. Once again there was a Russian voice but this time it was different.

"Da. I'm listening."

"Yuri, its Natalia. I need to see my father, how long until you come over to pick me up?" She asked.

"Natasha, nice to hear you. I'll be there in a couple of hours. Get ready." He answered clearly happier than before.

"Alright. See you soon." She ended the call and started packing her things.


	8. Chapter 8

After a long trip by car and then flying in a heli for a while they finally arrived at Makarov's safe house. Yuri helped her get out of the heli and took her bags. The house was quite big; two floors including the ground one. When they entered the house Nathalie immediately went to see her father who was in a basement planning his next assault. Once he heard her footsteps he turned around from the table on which various folders and files with information laid.

"Nathalie." He said surprised.

"I told you I would visit you when I'm done with my business." She said as her sad and pale silhouette moved towards him. Makarov walked up closer and they both stopped in front of each other. Makarov gently hugged her and for the first time in her life Nathalie dared to put her arms around him. He was wearing his usual official suit while she looked casual with black leggings and a sweatshirt.

"You've read my letter." He said as he leaned back and put his arm around her waist leading her back upstairs to the ground floor.

"How did you..?" She was confused on how he could have known.

"By the way you carry yourself, darling. You made a decision in life and you are ready to move on but don't know how to tell me that from the day you leave this house we will be enemies." He explained as they reached the big living room. Nathalie's father smiled as he offered her a seat. When she sat down he walked out of the room and couple minutes later came back with two cups of coffee. "Latte with caramel, just how you like."

"Thanks." She smiled taking the cup. "Though I still don't understand how you knew that I read the letter? The way I carry myself? I hated you all these years and never told you anything and you still know that?"

"Darling, you are my daughter. No matter how much you hated me you grew up with me. I saw you lie, I saw you cry and laugh, I see you now and remember what you did last time you looked like that." He laughed and took a sip of his coffee while sitting down in front of her. "Last time you looked like this you said you were leaving to complete medical courses to be a nurse."

"Yeah... You're right. I can't deny that you are my father. Or you once were the person I called my father." Sighed Nathalie. "But you are right. I have read your letter and I want to live a different life... Then again, I don't understand why you couldn't let me go earlier."

"You weren't old enough and you didn't read my letter. What you needed to do is just accept what is unavoidable. I am your father." He explained.

Nathalie had so many thoughts rushing she didn't know where to begin so she decided to start with the important matter. "So how about me moving to Britain?"

"I'll provide you money to buy yourself a house, to start business or whatever you wish to do. But I have one thing, favour for a favour, you know?" She nodded and her father continued. "I want you to spend one month here with me."

Those words hurt her more than any wound could. She had to spend one whole month far away from everyone: from Nikolai and his soldiers that over the years she befriended and most importantly away from John that she wished so much to see again. "If I agree with this, will you let me go forever?" She asked.

"Yes. I assure you that I won't come in contact with you. With one exception. If you become a target of my enemies be sure I will come after you to make sure no one gets you because no one targets the daughter of Vladimir Makarov." "So one month?" She asked again.

"Yes." He answered. "Now that we have this settled, tell me what you have been doing all this time."

"I think you already know. You keep calling me non-stop and you always seem to know what I am doing." She mumbled and drank her coffee.

It made Makarov laugh. "I'm not asking you how is dating with that soldier is going." He said. "I wanted to know how are you doing. Did those wounds of yours heal already, I bet they left some nasty scars. I also wanted to know how is being a nurse go, if you are busy, do any accidents happen, are you planning to go to another college for higher degree or maybe you want to serve in army again? I have only one month to know you before I lose you forever and I want to know more."

Nathalie looked up from her cup to look him in the eyes. _He is trying to make up for lost years..._ she thought _Or maybe he is looking for anything useful for his future plans. You can never trust this man..._

"You doubt me, I understand. This is a month when I am your father and not a terrorist."

She looked at him for a little while until she finished her coffee and set the cup on the table in front of her. "I don't know yet. I remember mom was a soldier... I guess I could follow her steps but I also want to help people. I thought of becoming a medic in military but I would hardly rank up. It's a difficult decision but I guess I'll have a whole month to decide now." Nathalie forced out a smile. "And I am completely healthy though the scars remain..."

"You should carry them proudly. Scars show that you are stronger than before." Noted Makarov.

"I try to but I will never be elegant or graceful like a lady and no one will ever think that I need to be taken care of."

"Is that what you need? For someone to take care of you?"

"I want to be loved, needed. Yes, I want someone to take care of me because I am not as strong as you think. If I was stronger there wouldn't be any scars."

Makarov stood up from his seat and walked up to Nathalie. He sat down right next to her gently took her arm and rolled up the sleeve of her sweatshirt to reveal a long row of scars and some that he haven't seen before. She pulled away her arm and rolled her sleeve back down.

"There will be someone who will love you looking past your mistakes. The way I loved your mother..." Makarov looked away and put a hand over his mouth as the memory of his wife was so painful. He never forgave himself for failing to protect her and that what made him cling on Nathalie so much. He didn't want to let her go because he was afraid of her security. No man should live longer than his child and that's what he was trying to prevent.

"My mother? What kind of imperfections did she have?" Nathalie asked.

Makarov sighed. It was difficult to talk about her so he took his time to build his strength because showing tears would be futile. What would his men think of him if they saw him crying like a little child? Though the thoughts of Nathalie's mother brought only sorrow and tears to him. "She had a mental illness that drove her mad. She did the same thing you do to yourself... Cutting her skin open, drawing blood, dragging the blade through her flesh. Unlike you she couldn't control it. And I couldn't stop her."

Nathalie was shocked. She never saw anything was wrong with her mother but then she was just a child. Even more terrible thoughts started roaming her head and she felt vulnerable. Mental illnesses are not genetically inherited but there is a factor that if parents had mental illness their children have greater chances of having it. And Nathalie found out that her mother was sick.

* * *

John had arrived at Hereford after a few hours of flying and after a while he managed to settle back in his room at the barracks. He had a shower, changed into his new uniform and had some food at mess hall. After all of that he went for a medical check up. His body was healthy but not his mind. John was diagnosed with PTSD. He wanted to deny it saying that having his heart broken from leaving a woman he loved made the pain of his teammate death's stronger but there was no way he could do it. His heart, his soul was crying for soothing but there was no way he could have done that. MacTavish went to superiors to make a new training schedule and went to socialize with other soldiers. The doctor said it would help him ease up a little and get used to his life among other soldiers so he did. Since it was an early and warm evening soldiers gathered outside instead of regular resting hall. Some of them were playing basketball, others were just sitting watching them play, you could also see some of the youngsters fighting with older soldiers. Fresh meat against old wolves. Nothing unusual. John was greeted warmly among the others though in every group there are some arses who don't know when it's better to keep their mouth shut.

"Heeey, MacTavish!" Shouted one of them. "Did you kill all of the bad guys in Russia? Could have left some for us."

John stared at him trying to calm down and not punch him in the face and leave him lying on concrete in a pool of his own blood. He silently sat down next to other soldiers to watch the basketball match.

"What's wrong with you, Sarge? Aren't you happy to be back."

"I am happy to be back. But I am the only one who is back from the whole team so keep that attitude to yourself." Said MacTavish and concentrated on the game.

Another soldier that John sat next to gently elbowed him to the arm to get his attention. "Don't worry about that loser. No one likes him anyway. You are a great soldier, MacTavish. None of the FNG's were this skilled after you came here. I'm Matt by the way."

"John." He said and they shook each other's hands.

* * *

At the evening Nathalie was sitting on a bed in a room that she had to call hers for a month. She was sitting there feeling so lonely and so did John sitting in his own room at the barracks. At the end of the day they were just two lonely people far away from each other thinking how different their lifes would be if they said simplest words "I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

A week later John was back in track. Daily training, appointments with the doctor and socializing kept him busy enough to forget the emptiness lingering in his heart. Nikolai came over to visit him and dragged him out to a bar. He didn't mind getting a drink but picking up ladies what Nikolai was at didn't really suit him. He was thinking about Nathalie. That beautiful smile and charming eyes, honest laugh and gentle touch. Oh how much he wanted to see her. Though it wasn't possible. Or was it? 'She could have come with Nikolai, couldn't she?' wondered MacTavish. 'Maybe she didn't want it.'

"Nikolai, do you know how Nathalie is doing?" He asked a little hesitant.

"I have no idea, my friend. From the time I brought you here she didn't come in contact." Nikolai answered and turned to a lady that he already picked up in the bar. They found him exotic, you'd rarely see a Russian in smaller towns.

John just nodded and finished his glass of scotch and ordered himself another one without waiting. He looked around waiting for his drink and saw plenty of pretty women but none of them caught his eye. Yes, they were pretty but they didn't come close to Nathalie since she already got John's heart. And he missed her way too much. Instead of enjoying his drinks John decided to drown his sorrow quickly and before the bartender could bring him the drink he rose from the table and walked to the bar. He asked for two additional glasses and once he had all three he emptied them very quickly. He walked back to the table and told Nikolai "I am leaving. Not in a mood for anything like this."

Nikolai apologized to the girl and rose from the table. He patted John on the shoulder and said "Let's go, friend. Ladies can wait."

Soon they were outside in a cold early fall evening walking through the streets. It was quite a long path they had to walk towards the base so they had time for talking.

"You liked her, didn't you?" Asked Nikolai.

"Who?" Asked John awoken from his dreaming. Nikolai just smiled at him and John understood what he was talking about. "Is that so obvious?"

Nikolai laughed. "It was clear from your goodbye that you didn't want to leave and that she didn't want you to leave."

"She didn't want me to leave?" Asked John a little surprised.

"She didn't. How much did she tell you about herself?"

"Well she has shown me that little box with photographs and other small things." Said John thinking of the pictures she made before he left.

"Ah, so she didn't tell you everything. I understand her now but the first time I've heard the truth I could hardly accept it. It's difficult but you'll overcome it."

"You're not going to tell me?"

"It's her story to tell."

"Her story? Please, don't tell me she once was a man." Joked MacTavish.

Nikolai laughed. "She would love your sense of humour."

15 minutes later they reached the base and went to their rooms. Words were ringing in John's head. 'She didn't want you to leave.' He thought when he laid down on his bed without bothering to take his clothes off.

* * *

It was past midnight for Nathalie. She was sitting in a basement playing poker with Makarov's men. There was plenty of drinks and plenty of dirty money they have earned illegally. Nathalie didn't really like their company since they were proud of the way they earn money. The only person she tolerated was Yuri. He was simple down to earth man. Almost the same age as her father but completely different in personality. She couldn't understand what was he doing in there but never questioned him.

"All in." Said Nathalie and pushed all of her chips to the front.

"Are you sure that's a clever choice?" Asked one of the soldiers.

"My dad owns everything here. He even owns you. Every move I make is a good move." She answered sassy.

"You sass monster." Laughed Yuri who was sitting left to her. "I call."

She looked at him closely. Everyone did. He was absolutely calm about his choice. Then was the time for others to decide and before anyone could respond Yuri said "I have a game. Everyone just go all in and we see who wins. All those who lose have to drink."

Since everyone agreed with his idea they all revealed their cards and checked them out. Nathalie had pocket 10's and there was a 10 in the flop. Soon the hand ended and Nathalie won with full house.

"That's sad." She said. "I'd rather lose money but get drunk."

"Who doesn't let you drink between hands?" Asked the soldier who was dealing cards.

"My morals." She said and emptied her glass. "I am a good girl who doesn't drink, smoke or kill."

Their game lasted for a while. She really wasn't enjoying what she was doing but there was nothing better to do. Three hours later Nathalie had all of their chips and money. They didn't like it and before they could even think of winning back their money she walked up the stairs out of the basement. She decided it was a great time to get her head clear and walked outside. It was a beautiful night with clear sky filled with stars. Nathalie walked further towards the hills and sat down on soft but already cold grass. She looked up to see the stars better. They were so beautiful and calming only thing she felt then was peace. But even the cold stars couldn't keep her mind at peace for long enough. Nathalie wondered what John was doing. Did he see the sky? Or maybe it was cloudy where he was? Those questions popped up in her head and left her dreaming about the future. Maybe one day she and John would be together. If so, she would finally find peace and serenity.

Nathalie was so hypnotized by the stars she lost the track of time. It was getting cold and she could feel her bones ache. It was about time for her to go back inside and to get some sleep but the beauty of the night didn't let her. You couldn't see the stars in the city so clear because of the light pollution and so Nathalie wanted to enjoy every moment she could gazing the stars.

"Aren't you cold?" Asked familiar voice and Nathalie looked down to see Yuri walking up to her with blankets and two cups of hot beverages.

"I am." She answered and smiled to him. When he was closer Nathalie took one of the blankets and a cup. "Thanks. Oh, my favourite coffee."

"Your father told me to take care of you." He said and sat down near to her. They both looked up at the stars and Yuri asked "Missing someone?"

Nathalie nodded and drank her coffee. Then she looked at Yuri who was looking up at stars. He looked younger than her father. He probably was a couple years younger but his heavily tattooed body made him even more younger.

"Is that the same soldier that Makarov was teasing you about?" He asked.

"Same one." She said.

"It's a good thing."

"What? That he has things to tease me about?" She said sarcastically and waited for his reaction.

"No. It's good that you have someone to love. I barely had a chance to. Even if I had a chance I guess I wouldn't take it. What good would it get living a life as a terrorist?" He answered honestly which surprised her but since she had her sassy mood on she kept going "If only my father thought this 22 years ago I wouldn't be tearing myself apart contemplating about who I actually am."

He couldn't help but laugh. Despite the huge amount of sarcasm layers the thing she said was true. It was tearing her apart. Who was she? A terrorist's daughter? A soldier? A nurse? How could she answer these questions when she was hanging around between the barricades? Her father, her family but the major evil on one side and her love, John MacTavish, and the bright path on the other one. Both of them had an impact in her life that she couldn't deny but that's what surrounded her and she needed to know what was on the inside. And the inside was just as messed up as everything else. She was strong and caring, always looking out for the ones she calls her friends but then she also was weak and suicidal always wanting care and support from others.

"You can't stop being sass monster, can you?" Yuri joked.

"I can't stop being a monster in anyway..." she trailed and emptied her cup. "I guess I am just like my parents. Self-destructive bomb that takes everything down with me."

Yuri moved closer and put his arm around her. "Don't say things like that. You are not like that. We all make mistakes. But you do a lot of good in this world."

"What should I do, Yuri?" she whispered and leaned closer to the loyal friend for warmth.

"Follow your dream just like your father did but don't make his mistake. If you want love, go for it but take it far away from this mess. Take care of him just like you did for almost two months. You are not who your father is. You two have different paths in life and they separate and yours leads you to that soldier, Nathalie."

"Maybe our paths will cross again, John..." she said to herself and glanced at the stars.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I am sorry it takes me quite some time to post these chapters. I had a lot of mid-terms lately and had to focus on studying. And now I'm going back to writing. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

In a week of training MacTavish started to get along with Matt very well. They had some training together and had casual chats now and then. It didn't seem like a huge impact for John but it eased his ptsd symptoms and helped him acclimate to his life in military. Though fighting ptsd was more difficult because the sorrow of missing Nathalie was killing him but John had his life going back at tracks.

"Thinking of someone?" Asked Matt walking up to John who was sitting beside the barracks resting after long day of training.

"How'd you know?" Answered John with a question.

"It's visible." Said Matt and sat down next to him. "So who is she?"

"You can see right through me that easily?" John was surprised. He kept everything to himself. Not even once he mentioned any of his problems or causes of pain. Not teammates, not Nathalie, not wounds that were gone but still made him flinch while running courses.

"You're not that easy to read through. It took me a while and I am also a very lucky guesser." Laughed Matt. "Now about that matter with your girlfriend. Tell me. Get it off your chest."

MacTavish hesitated a little but decided that it won't hurt telling him since he was friendly. And it was better than telling the psychiatrist who listened mainly because it was his job.

"She is not my girlfriend sadly. She could have been but I didn't take the needed step and let it all go away. Now it kills me because I know that she was all that my life was missing."

"Can't you call or write to her?" Asked Matt.

"I did call her a few times but she didn't answer. I feel like a fool." Complained John.

"Love finds a way. If she loves you and she's the one you will be together."

John laughed. Matt was naive; there wasn't a way they could meet under any circumstances. If she didn't answer his call it meant that she took a different path and probably one without John in it.

"I really doubt it." Laughed MacTavish. "It's been a while. If she wanted she could have called back already."

Matt nodded and they sat there in silence for a few minutes. Matt was thinking about something until he remembered why he was looking for MacTavish in first place.

"Oh shoot." He cursed out loud. "MacTavish, I had to tell you to go to MacMillan's office like an hour ago."

"What are you talking about?" Asked John.

"MacMillan wants you in his office. I hope it's nothing urgent because if so both of us are dead men."

MacTavish shook his head and got up. His friend was not only naive but also forgetful. What a combination. John waved to Matt and walked away in the offices direction wondering what MacMillan wanted from him. MacMillan once was Price's superior but left active duty and so Price took his position and one day became superior to MacTavish. From all that Price managed to tell between the missions MacMillan saved his ass plenty of times but there was a time when Price was saving his superior. John thought about it a lot. Price saved him a couple of times but he didn't return the favour. _You're overthinking damn it._ Thought John when he reached the office. _That's why you have ptsd. Because you can't move on and become stronger. You, John, always have to cling onto the past and drag yourself down. It's past and in the present you have far more important things going on._

He shook his head, sighed, and knocked on the door. Once he heard MacMillan calling him in he opened the door and walked in closing it behind him. "General." Greeted MacTavish.

"Sergeant MacTavish..." he trailed and shuffled a bunch of papers. "Sergeant, sergeant, sergeant... That's what I wanted to talk about with you." He kept going through piles of documents looking for something.

"Come again, sir?" MacTavish asked.

"Your rank, MacTavish. This might be the last time someone calls you Sergeant. Ah, there it is." He said the last sentence to himself as he found what he was looking for. He handed a paper to MacTavish and told him to sign it. John hesitated looking at it. 'A Lieutenant?'

"If you hurry up we might get some free time before dinner unless you want to stand here and stare at the paper while others finish your dessert."

John signed and gave back General the page waiting for him to say anything else. MacMillan smiled to him and John did the same. "You are a great soldier, Lieutenant, I hope you keep going the right way."

"Yes, sir. May I go now, sir?"

MacMillan nodded and John left the office. His mood and self-esteem was boosted greatly. Now the promise he made to become stronger had a base. John knew he had to work and be worthy of the rank that he had.

Once he walked back to the barracks he saw Matt talking with his other teammates. They seemed content and when Matt saw John coming back excused himself from the group and walked closer. "So, what did MacMillan want?" He asked.

"I don't know how to tell you, man." MacTavish tried to look sad and trick Matt into thinking something went absolutely wrong.

"What? What is it?" Matt caught the bait and John burst out laughing.

"The thing is... I'll be able to boss you around, Sergeant." Said John and grabbed Matt into a headlock. "I got promoted to Lieutenant."

"You ass." Said Matt slipping out of Johns grasp. "Congrats."

"Thanks." Said MacTavish and walked closer to the barracks with Matt. "I'm going to go in." He said when they were right next to it. Matt nodded and John walked in. Soon he found himself in his room staring at the phone. He looked at the number on his phone's screen and hesitated. He wanted to dial it but knew that once again there won't be no answer. He thought of it a lot, of what he would do if the person answered, what would happen if he heard her voice? _Nathalie..._ he thought and finally pressed the button to call.

* * *

Meanwhile Nathalie was sitting in the kitchen with her father, Yuri, and a bunch of others when her phone rang. She took it out of her pocket to see an unknown number. Nathalie had a feeling she knew who was calling her; no, she was 100% sure about the callers identity but she couldn't answer in her father's house and especially in his presence. What would she say 'oh, hey John, I am doing great, just chilling at my terrorist father's house'. She kept looking at her phone while the melody was playing.

"You're not going to answer?" Asked Makarov.

"No." She answered him with a serious face. "It's an unknown number and since you have been calling me from unknown numbers for past few months I now have an irrational fear of answering phone calls."

Yuri laughed at her response and whispered "Sass monster."

She did love being sassy and sarcastic but inside she was dying. Nathatlie wanted to talk with John more than anything else in life and she apologized to him mentally for thousands of times.

* * *

Once the phone stopped dialling John fell onto his bed disappointed. He wished to hear her, to know how she was doing and maybe even share his news about being promoted but _Life is cruel._ He thought. _Or maybe she is? Guess she didn't need me though Nikolai said otherwise. It would probably be the best to try and forget the past. And her._ The thought was painful to him. John knew it was a difficult and thought that it was for the better.

He got up and threw his phone on the bed. There was one good way to get the thoughts out of head and it was running. John got himself a sweatshirt because he knew that if he goes for a run outside the base it would last far too long. Once he was leaving barracks Matt got his attention. "Hey man, where are you going?"

"For a run. Why?"

"Well when you're back come over to Jack's room. We are gathering after dinner to hang out."

"Alright." Said John and jogged of towards the gate to leave the base. He was determined to change his way of thinking because he was drowning in his thoughts slowly suffocating himself and that got into his way of becoming a better soldier. The images of Gaz and Griggs getting shot flashed through his mind when he was running outside the base. He knew that he couldn't get rid of the memories so easily but it was one step forward to the goal. And there was another thing he was determined to do. John knew he had to see the horse racing track that Price loved so much. It was another step towards sanity.

John went through small forest that had a road perfect for running and despite the fact that he decided to push the thoughts of Nathalie out he couldn't stop thinking of her morning runs. _Maybe she was doing the same thing I am doing right now? Maybe she was getting her head clear?_ He thought. _Ah, concentrate, MacTavish, concentrate on your goal._

And indeed Nathalie's morning runs were just like his evening runs. They both had things they wanted to run away from, their past that was haunting like a lonely ghost clinging onto the life. The mistakes they've made, all the wrong decisions and last words that they didn't say.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Can't wait to update more! Nathalie and John will meet soon. Very soon! So keep looking out for new chapters. Thank you for reading and enjoy :)

* * *

After a long day of discussions with her father Nathalie was exhausted emotionally and wanted nothing but to be alone so she left the house. Without any thinking she just walked forward towards the forest. She remembered the place really well since she spent her childhood roaming it. Only thing that she couldn't understand was that Makarov never deserted that safe house since he would never stay in same one for too long. It was a rule that if you don't want to get caught don't stay in one place too long. Once she reached the forest it was already getting darker but it didn't frighten her. That was something she enjoyed, being lost in the dark with no one else around.

Walking through the forest she thought of the direction her life was going to. She was leaving her father in a week which meant it was a new beginning for her. And she knew she had to begin it with a right decision. Nathalie took her phone and dialled the last number in her call log. It took some time for the person to answer.

"Hello." She heard familiar voice.

"Hey. I've found a few missed calls and figured out it was you, John." Nathalie said as her heart was trying to break through her ribs.

"Indeed. I called you a few times, wanted to know how's everything going..." He sounded a little distant and not really passionate about it.

"Well, it's going... I was busy sorting my life out. I've read the letter as you told me and now a lot of things changed. I have met my father but I still haven't forgiven him and probably never will but I guess we had some things to sort out. I will be moving out of my flat. I also think of changing my job. Oh, there's so much I could tell you but that wouldn't make much difference, would it?" Nathalie said walking down the narrow path between the trees. "How about you? How's life in Hereford? What's new?"

"It's fine. I kind of got used to being back here. It's just like before just with much more training included." John answered and his heart trembled when he realized that he was actually talking to her, Nathalie. "And I also got promoted to Lieutenant."

"Wow, that's great news!" She exclaimed. "Not so basic anymore."

John laughed and it made Nathalie's heart melt. She felt really happy to hear his voice once again and so was John happy to hear her voice. Both of them were missing each other's presence in their lives and that call was like a dream come true. Nathalie was feeling as if she was floating in the air and John could finally relax knowing that she still wanted him in her life and that he didn't have to push the thoughts of her away.

"So how's your father?" Asked John settling down on his bed to rest.

"He's fine, healthy, can't really hope that he will die soon." She answered moving through dusky and shadowy forest.

"That is very mean." Said John. "Is he really that bad?"

"Horrible. He might be a better person now but overall he is a monster. I'm not sure if I ever forgive him."

"You've read his letter and met him so that's a step forward."

"Yeah, that's mostly because you put the letter in front of me and poked me with a stick." Nathalie said and looked around. She went quite far so she decided to stop or else a very long walk home would have awaited her.

"I didn't poke you with a stick. But that's your decision, if you don't want him to be in your life, he can't force himself in."

"Oh believe me he could. And he would dare to." She sighed and looked at the direction of the house. "Can we just stop talking about him? I really don't feel like continuing this chat about him. There are way more pleasant topics we can talk about, right?"

"Obviously. Did you watch Glasgow FC match last week?" Asked John clearly happier than before. It reminded Nathalie of how they watched football together.

"I did. It was an amazing match. Though when they were losing by two goals I didn't think they could recover and win."

"Don't underestimate my team, Miss Silver. Last year they won the European tournament." Said John and made a little pause. "We should go watch them live one day."

"Gladly." Smiled Nathalie and sighed knowing he can't see her smile. "It was very nice to hear your voice once again but I think I'll go now."

"I missed your voice too. And now at least I don't think you are ignoring me."

"I would not ignore you. As soon as I have time I'll call you again, alrighty?" Said Nathalie and started walking back to the house.

"Sure. I'll be waiting. Bye."

"See you soon." Said Nathalie and John didn't have a clue about her plans and that he will see her sooner than he thinks.

* * *

Yet another week passed and Nathalie was getting ready to go back home. She packed her things, double checked if she got everything and weren't leaving anything behind, and took her bags downstairs to ground floor. Her father was already waiting for her there with a bunch of things to give. Nathalie set her bags by the door and walked up to her father who was sitting in the living room. She sat down in front of him so they were sitting just like the first day she arrived.

"Time flies..." Makarov began. "I didn't even notice how fast whole month passed. I wish I had another one but we made a deal and you completed your part. Now about my part of deal." He said and spread the items he had for Nathalie on the table. There was a credit card, a folder with files, a small book, and a Magnum revolver. "As I promised you get all the money you need for living. There's enough money in this bank account to buy yourself a fortune. Then there is this folder with documents about you. If you bring them to British embassy they will make you a new passport or ID card whichever you prefer. Of course there will be price for it but you won't have any trouble with it."

Then Makarov stopped. He kept looking at Nathalie and at the things on the table back and forth. Nathalie waited for him to continue eagerly. Her heart was fluttering like a young bird eager to fly for the first time. She actually was a young bird finally leaving parent's nest and she couldn't wait for the freedom.

"This is your mother's diary." He said and gently picked up a book with a black cover. "I have never dared to read it even after her death but I guess she wouldn't have minded if I gave it to you. And the very last thing that your mother had from military service is her pistol which I also give to you. It might be a little old and rusty but with some care you can bring it back to life."

Nathalie carefully took the diary from her father and nodded. "I will take care of her things well, don't worry."

"I do not worry. They are in your possession now and it is up to you how to use them." He said, piled the things up and pushed them across the table so she could pack them. Nathalie flipped through a few pages of the diary not really reading closely just to notice how beautiful her mother's handwriting was. Then she put the diary in her handbag along with the other things that her father gave her.

"I guess it's time for a goodbye." Said Makarov and when Nathalie nodded they stood up and walked towards the hallway where Yuri was waiting for them. He greeted Nathalie and picked up her bags.

"I hope you will be happy making this decision. I am proud of you, Nathalie Silver." Said Makarov.

"I hope so too. Thank you, father." Said Nathalie and walked outside without any closer contact with him. It was the end and Nathalie hoped that it was the last time their paths crossed. Once she was outside Yuri walked up to her and asked "Ready to take your life to a new direction?"

She smiled and answered "I've never been this ready ever in my life. Let's do this."

Yuri laughed and they walked to the heli that had to take her to a nearest city where a car that she could drive to any place she wanted was waiting. Nathalie turned towards him and pulled into a warm embrace. "If you ever feel like running away from this hell of a life like I do call me. I'll help you out in any way possible."

"I'll keep that in mind." Said Yuri and watched as she entered the helicopter. She once again smiled and waved before the heli took off.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Ok, so I try to squeeze in as many chapters as I can since I'll be leaving for some time where there is no internet connection and I cannot update. Also pardon me if you don't like these filler chapters; I try to skip as much time as I can but I believe that some things need some context. Anyway, hope you enjoy this and happy reading :)

* * *

The first place Nathalie visited when she was freely driving the car that her father left to her was Nikolai's safe house. She knew that if she wanted to leave the country Nikolai was the only person that could have helped her especially because he was already planning her leave. Nikolai could have taken her somewhere safe at any moment given; there were people who had transport, fake documents, ID's, bank accounts and other stuff needed for sudden disappear. But back then when she asked him for help the situation with Makarov was quite different.

Nathalie stopped in the driveway and shut down the engine. As she exited her new car she saw Nikolai walk out of the house with a bunch of armed men. He didn't look happy about the uninvited guest until he saw that it was Nathalie.

"Darling, what a surprise!" He said walking closer to her.

"Hey there." She said and hugged him. "How are you?"

"Now that you are here everything's way better." He said hugging back. "So, what is the reason of your visit?"

"I am ready to leave Russia and you said you'd help. But there is a slight change in plans."

"What is it?" Asked Nikolai as he let her go and took her bags out of the car.

"He let me go freely. I don't really believe he let me go that easily but if he gave me a chance to leave I am obviously taking it." Nathalie explained while they were walking towards the house. "He gave me all documents needed to change nationality and credit card with as he said enough money to buy a fortune."

"Well, we have to get you out of here as soon as possible. In case he changes his mind."

They walked inside the house and Nikolai set the bags in the corridor leading her further inside. They walked over to the room where some younger soldiers were working with the computers. Nikolai walked closer to Viktor, he looked no older than Nathalie herself and he probably was younger.

"I thought I was the only one in Nikolai's adoption centre." She joked walking closer to them.

Viktor looked up to her from his monitor but didn't dare to say anything. Her face was familiar to him and it frightened him. Not exactly she was the one who frightened him but her father and since they had few same facial features Nathalie reminded Viktor of Makarov. It was a man who left him without home and without family. He was the man who brutally murdered his parents in front of him and left him to live with pain and hatred. And she despite being really sweet and smiling still brought back those awful memories.

"You have grown now and I need another youngster to take care of. If I wasn't fighting ultranationalists I'd be adopting all of the kids and bringing them up. Ok, back to the business. This is Viktor, your new assistant while you're here. If you need anything, ask him." Nikolai smiled and patted Viktor on the shoulder. He couldn't stop staring at her but nodded anyway and Nikolai left the room.

Viktor definitely was younger than her. He looked about the same age as Nathalie was when she first met Nikolai. As she walked closer to Viktor he noticed that his hands were shaking so he put them on his hips that she wouldn't notice but she did.

"Now, you don't have to worry. I won't do anything to you." She said and opened her handbag. Nathalie took out a credit card and handed it to Viktor. "Can you transfer money from this bank account to a different one?"

He carefully took the card and looked at the numbers on it before he started typing codes into his computer. She took out another card that he had to transfer the money to.

"You know I'll just leave everything that should be done here, alright?" She pulled out her camera and took out memory card out of it. "I will need you to make an order in photo studio preferably in Moscow to make two copies of each picture that is in here and to find all of the flights from Moscow to Britain for the following week or two."

She set the memory card on the table and Viktor nodded. He couldn't say a thing and felt like his mouth was sealed shut. He kept staring at her kind of like asking if there was anything else that she needed. Nathalie just smiled and walked out of the room looking for Nikolai. There was a matter that Viktor couldn't solve and it was her transfer to Britain as a soldier. She couldn't just change nationalities and freely go serve in army like before so she needed Nikolai to pull a few strings and make her a part of British forces. It wasn't an easy task but Nikolai promised her his help. After a long discussion and sarcastic jokes Nikolai promised that he will get her transferred to active duty in Hereford.

Once Nathalie had everything settled she decided to finally have a rest from all the trouble that has been chasing her all the time. She walked to the living room and settled on a sofa taking her mother's diary and opening the first page. This time she read everything closely without skipping a single sentence. Nathalie's thoughts were just as messy and out of order as her mother's and she was struggling with her identity like her mother.

..._I don't know what I'm doing, this is insane. From the very beginning all of my actions were questionable. I decided to join army. A female among men. Many joked that I was aiming to find a man that way, others couldn't stop thinking they could play with me and how many of them I knocked out to make them understand my intentions were only to become a soldier. Now I do another insane thing. Our team got captured and now our superiors are trading us but I don't want to leave. I talked with Vladimir and told him I'm staying. He said that I am crazy but I knew that he was happy I was staying. We love one another but look at this what I am doing. I'm putting my personal happiness and betraying my country. What kind of example our kids will have? A terrorist and a deserter? Hopefully they won't register it as deserting the service, maybe I'll be MIA or KIA. This decision is killing me what do I do? Or I guess I already did and now I have to cope with the consequences_...

Despite the fact that it was very interesting Nathalie was very tired and quickly drifted to sleep. A couple of hours she was rudely awakened by someone shaking her by the shoulder. As an instinct she grabbed the person's hand and as her eyes shot up open she aimed to pull the person down and punch him but she calmed herself when she saw Victor shaking with horror in his eyes. She felt bad that she scared the boy so much though he scared her too.

"I'm sorry. Didn't want to scare you like that." Nathalie said carefully letting go of his hand. "What did you want?"

"N-n-nik..." he struggled with his words still shocked with her awakening.

"Nikolai wants to talk with me?" She asked and he nodded. Nathalie smiled at him and picked up her mother's diary that has fallen out of her hands from the ground. She put it back in her handbag and stood up from the couch that gave her a nice nap. "Do you know where Nikolai is?"

Viktor nodded again but stayed silent. Then he walked closer to her and handed few folded pages.

"What's this?" She asked taking the papers. Once she unfolded them saw a long list of flights to Britain for the following weeks. "Oh, thanks. Can you take me to Nikolai now?"

Viktor nodded and walked out of the room and Nathalie followed him. They went to the second floor and Viktor opened the door for her but didn't walk inside with her. Nikolai was waiting for her with a small smile on his face.

"I called a few people and by the end of this week or in the middle of next week you should have all documents needed for your transfer to Hereford..." Nikolai made a little pause to mock Nathalie. "Or whichever base you prefer to serve."

Nathalie just shook her head at Nikolai's mocking and just thanked for his work.

"Tell me, what made you change everything so fast?" He asked.

"The fact that my father gave me a chance to." She explained.

"I believe you had a different motive. And that motive's name is John." Laughed Nikolai.

"That motive gave me a direction but that doesn't change much. I would have still left this country behind." She said and smiled.

"Let me give you one advice, Nathalie. Tell him everything about yourself; the longer you wait the worse it will be."

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to do so." Nathalie sighed. "Far too many people left me because of my past. I don't want to lose another one."

"That's why you have to tell him. If he finds out himself it'll hurt him that you weren't honest."

"I will tell him when the time's ready, Nikolai."

* * *

Over a week at Nikolai's safe house Nathalie managed to get everything for her moving to Britain. She had plane tickets and already had a few options for a living place. In Moscow she did a few final touches for John's package and went to British embassy for her new ID card which they made over two days since Nathalie paid for priority. In almost no time she was at the airport ready to start a new life. Without hesitation Nathalie said goodbye to Nikolai and gave him the package that he had to deliver to John. In exchange Nikolai gave her the documents about her transfer to British army.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Yay for a new chapter. Now this one is so far the longest one and I challenge myself to keep up my work and make further chapters just as long. Anyway, thank you for reading and enjoy :)

* * *

Nathalie arrived to London tired but extremely excited. It was a new start and she was happy as she had never been before. First few days she was staying at Tyler's home since she didn't have a place to stay and the first thing Nathalie did accompanied by her so called cousin was to check out the houses and apartments for sale. They went over about 20 places and Nathalie decided to stick with a medium sized apartment with a balcony and a nice view to the city. Over a few days when all of the transactions in the bank were done she moved in. It was a little weird feeling that she had to call that place home, that unknown and empty place, though her last place wasn't really decorated that much either.

When she finally settled and unpacked her bags everything seemed a lot better. She took her clothes off and jumped into the shower. Then she walked out with a towel wrapped around her body and looked out of the window. It was an early evening and she decided to get an advantage of the situation and look around the city while she had a chance to. You wouldn't get as much free time doing military service. That's why she so quickly dried her hair and got dresses in a new pair of grey skinny jeans and a blue blouse. Nathalie put just a little bit of make up to look like she was trying to look nice. She put on her favourite dark blue wedges and grabbed a purse before she left her flat.

The evening was very warm and it reminded of her last visit as she was walking down the streets with Tyler when she escaped Russia for the first time. She was in a very light mood walking through the streets of a beautiful and busy city. There were people rushing somewhere with their life's and Nathalie smiled as she had all the time in her life to do anything and everything her heart wanted. Though her heart wanted one, to see John, and at the moment it was impossible but she was so close to him she decided that it shouldn't ruin her mood that easily.

After 20 minutes of walking she reached the cafe that Tyler brought her to before. It was very cosy and warm. Nathalie walked up to bar and ordered her favourite coffee and a piece of cake. Once the barista made her order she took it to one of the free tables and sat down. It was supposed to be a laidback evening so Nathalie took one of the books that were on a shelf behind her. She flipped a few pages and before she could even start reading or drinking her coffee a guy from another table stood up walked up to her table and sat down in front of her. She looked up to him and saw a really handsome guy with a wicked smile.

"Hey there." He said as his sky blue eyes were shining at her. He had blonde hair and had really toned body but he still didn't stand a chance against John.

"Hi?" Said Nathalie a little surprised by the fact that he was so brave.

"I am pretty sure you are here for the first time. Haven't seen you before."

"Oh, but I have been here before. So you must he mistaken... uh..."

"Ethan. And you are?"

"Nathalie." She smiled took her cup and took a sip of her coffee.

"Well, Nathalie, I am here daily and I can tell you I see you for the first time." He said and smiled even wider.

"I have been here in April and recently moved so it's the only place I know. But it's very nice here so I don't mind." She said and decided to put the book back on the shelf as this boy was very keen on knowing her.

"I could show you around if you would want to of course." He said really excited.

"Oh lord, do you do this with every girl you see here?" She said and took a bite of her cake. "I don't know you at all."

"I'm sorry." He looked a little ashamed. "It's just that when I saw you I knew I had to be quick because any other guy would have gotten into this seat as soon as they could."

Nathalie giggled. He looked very sweet as he blushed. Though she was very cautious with anyone new that she met, Ethan looked really innocent.

"We have a few hours before it gets dark so you have a chance to know me a little better." She smiled at him.

"Oh, that's awesome. You said you moved recently, where did you move from?"

"Russia." She smiled and watched his face change completely. "Don't worry, I'm British. I simply lived and worked there."

"Wow. That's interesting. Who do you work as?" He became a little more curious.

"A nurse." Nathalie answered and tried to be polite and go on with the conversation. "What about you, what do you do for living?"

"I am a student. Really want to become a doctor though it will take 5 more years of studying to become one." He smiled once again. "So why did you move here?"

"I wanted to change my life and finally be with someone I love."

They chatted for a while until she finished her coffee and cake and then they went for a walk. Ethan showed her around the city and they walked in the park for a little while. Since it was getting dark she decided to go home and because he really liked her Ethan asked for her phone number and so they exchanged them in case she ever wanted to hang out in that cafe.

Once Nathalie was back home she took of her shoes and went to her bedroom to pack her things. Ethan was a sweet guy but meeting him left no doubt that her path was to serve with John mostly because every time she asked Ethan a question she thought of how John would answer. That meant only one thing that she has fallen into it way too deep and there was nothing she could do about it. Nathalie packed all of her casual clothes leaving every nice dress and high heels behind. But the sacrifice was completely worth it. The only thing that she wouldn't have left behind was her memory box. One thing that was more important than anything else. She put her mother's diary and revolver in there too. Once she had everything packed she settled in living room to watch TV before she went to sleep.

* * *

At the time Nathalie went to cafe John had just finished one of his trainings that day. He didn't even have a chance to get a shower when he was called to see Nikolai who arrived an hour ago. John rushed to see why Nikolai was there so soon after the last visit. As he reached the landing zone he saw Nikolai chatting with other pilots that were serving in Hereford. It looked like they were having a nice chat but once Nikolai noticed John coming closer he excused himself and walked up to his little bird. He took a medium sized package out of his pilot's seat and waited for Lieutenant to get closer. "You're finally here." Said Nikolai and reached out the package to him.

"What's going on, Nikolai." John said picking up the package.

"It's from Nathalie. She made me promise I will deliver it to you personally." Nikolai sighed as he thought how much trouble it caused him but it was personal and really sweet of her to send something and every struggle was worth it.

"She did?" Asked John and looked at the brown cardboard box that had his name on with no return address. "So how is she?"

"Excited. Her life's changing. She really wanted to see you herself but had some business with moving in her new home and couldn't come."

"Well if you meet her, tell her that she is always welcome." Said John.

Nikolai nodded and patted him on the shoulder as he walked back to other pilots. John was very excited about the package. Nathalie promised to send it and she did. MacTavish rushed back to barracks to open it. He was really glad that no one got in his way while getting back. John took his combat knife and carefully cut the tape that was keeping the lid closed. As he opened the box on very top he saw bunch of pictures of him and her. He laughed at all the goofy faces that he made and the ones Nathalie made when she joined him. Then there were a few packs of gummy bears and chocolate candy. On the very bottom laid a few pages of paper with lots of black pen stains and crossed out words. It was her letter to him. John made himself comfortable and began reading.

_Dear John,_

_This is not going to be an ordinary letter. That is not only because I don't know all the grammatical rules for letter writing but also because it's all you need to know about me. There might be something I might not want you to know or I wouldn't be able to say in person because it's far easier to write it all down on paper but once I seal this and give to Nikolai I know I won't be able to change anything so don't judge me too much._

_First things first, I like you. I really like you. I believe Nikolai already told you that like hundreds of times; he can't keep his mouth shut. And it is a reason why I am writing this letter. I want you to know what kind of baggage I carry with myself so you wouldn't be scared to know me more as we speak in person. And if you don't feel the same way I do, though Nikolai said otherwise, I will have one more thing to regret in my life. Haha that's funny... kind of like black humour._

_Now let me start from the beginning. My mother was a British soldier and she was sent to a mission in Russia and her team was captured. It ended up as the team was rescued but she deserted her service to stay in Russia with my father. Her teammates were good enough to say she was MIA instead of telling superiors that it was her own decision, but it was and she stayed with my father. And you know who my father was? A terrorist. A bad guy. One of the men you fight. But they loved one another and created me so you can't be that mad at them. The worst part is that my mother died when I was 5 and as I believe I already told you that out of loving father he became a monster. I don't remember the early years but from the very beginning I was brought up with their ideology. At year 12 I already knew how to wield pistols and bigger sidearms. Not only that, I killed people, I tortured them, because I didn't see anything wrong with it. My as a child mind was bent to the point where the evil seemed like a normal thing. Only years later when I was sent to kill a businessman and was in his office with a pistol pressed to his temple I finally realized what I was doing. I saw a framed picture of his family. There was him, his wife, and his daughter. A daughter my age. She probably never saw a gun in her life and I was using one. It made me have an emotional and mental breakdown. I was 15 and knew that the cause I was working for had enemies. That's when I found Nikolai. I told him everything and he pushed me away. And who wouldn't? I mean a teenager walks up to you and says that she is terrorists daughter. Who could be crazy enough to believe something like that? I didn't give up though and managed to get his help. When my father found out what I did he tried to pull me back in. He kept me a hostage for weeks. Then my real breakdown started. I have cut myself, even tried to suicide. The pain I've felt was unbearable but it gave me freedom from emotions. It became an addiction. Every time I felt down I would drag blade across my skin. It took time but I got courage and I walked up to my father and told him my path in life was to save people not to kill them. Then I ran away. I've spent few days in an unknown city brooding around hungry and homeless before I managed to get in contact with Nikolai again. He took me in and cared for me, helped me get back on my feet and found two year nursing courses. I took them and after them I served in army as medical personnel. And eventually came to be as I am now. Over the years my father tried to come in touch. He even saved my life a few times but I hated him and I still do. The things he made me go through just broke any possible trust that we had into basically nothing and it is impossible to build it back. And even the fact that he had won some sympathy from me because now I saw the pain and regret in his eyes can't make him better._

_Now something on a different note, I am moving soon and can't wait to see what life brings next. Also if I don't answer my phone I will have probably changed it by the time you get this package and read this letter. And I also really miss you and wish to see you once I settle down. Hopefully my dark history didn't scare you very much. It was Nikolai's advice to tell you everything from the very beginning and because I don't really know when I will be able to see you I decided to write. I wish I could give you my address and ask you to write a letter for me but I don't have a new address yet. Why is everything so sad? I mean I keep saying that there is barely any way for us to come in contact. Maybe life pulls us away because we are not ready to meet again? Ah, enough of this. I already wrote plenty of things for you to think about._

_I guess this letter has no ending as I don't know how to properly end it but I'll say one thing: I'll see you soon._

_With love,_

_Nathalie_

John sat there shocked. He had read the letter over and over unable to believe the things that Nathalie wrote about and he had so many questions to her and he wanted to protect her from the man that always wanted to use her as a weapon. The man whose letter he made her read and because of that she met him. John felt bad, oh so bad about it he didn't know what to do. One thing that he knew was that he was running late for his next training so he packed everything back in the box, put it on his nightstand and rushed outside when a new wave of hatred and worry went through his body.


	14. Chapter 14

The following day John was called to MacMillan's office. Being Lieutenant meant a lot more responsibilities and he was feeling the pressure already. MacMillan gave him a lot of tasks. He had to go train younger soldiers, fresh meat as they called them, in between his own training. John had way more paperwork to do too and just as he suspected MacMillan sent him on another errand. This time it was to pick up a new soldier, show him around the base, take care of paperwork that he had. Regular stuff. He wouldn't mind helping the FNG but the fact that John had to skip training annoyed him a lot. The FNG already was on his bad side. And as he was walking to the base entrance he saw Matt jogging towards him.

"I've heard we are getting a new friend." He said getting closer.

"We are. But that's not your business. I am welcoming him." Said John with a mocking smile. Matt had a thing for newbies and taking care of them. He was like a mother to them and everyone laughed at him for that.

"But I want to come too." Matt cried out loud.

"You can't. MacMillan told me to do it." Laughed John.

"But I'll just watch. I promise I won't say anything."

"You stay outside." Said John once they reached the entry office. That's where every new soldier came over to get their uniforms and where their superiors had to pick them up from.

As he entered the office John was greeted by familiar soldier. He was standing at his desk with a pile of uniforms for the new soldier who was signing papers. John walked closer and saw something was off. That wasn't a soldier he would have expected to see. That soldier was feminine, had dark brown hair braided into a long braid and was way shorter than any other soldier.

"Alright, here are the documents." said soldier as he took them from the female and gave them to John. Female turned towards him and John saw someone he wished to see for so long. "Nathalie?" He asked surprised.

"Hello, John." She smiled at him and seconds later she was trapped in John's bear hug though she didn't mind it, she missed his presence too much.

"How? When? Why you didn't tell me?" He had so many questions for her he didn't know where to start.

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn't know when I was going to be here. And now I guess you are going to be my superior, Lieutenant MacTavish."

"You are absolutely right, Sergeant Silver... wait, you are Sergeant, right?"

"Of course I am." She laughed and picked up the uniforms of the table and stuffed it in her bag. "Mind showing me around?"

"Gladly. I thought I would never say anything like that about my job with FNG's." John said and walked outside with Nathalie following him. And outside there was Matt patiently waiting to meet the new addition. Once he heard them coming he looked up excited and John really thought he would tackle Nathalie.

"Oh my, are you our new soldier?" He asked walking closer. "Woah, you look so cute. I'm Matt by the way."

"I'm Nathalie." Before she could even finish pronouncing her name Matt put his hands on her cheeks and turned her head towards John. "Did you see her eyes? They're different colours!" Exclaimed Matt still holding her face.

"Yeah, I've seen them before." Said John calmly. "They are beautiful but there is no need to molest her face like that."

Matt then realized what he was doing and let her go. "I, uh, I'm sorry."

"If you promise not to do it again I will forgive you." She smiled and they all started walking further into the base.

"Wait how did you see them before?" Asked Matt all fired up again. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"No I'm not. I'm single." She said and rolled her eyes.

"Then I still have a chance." Exclaimed Matt.

"No you don't." Said John as he walked closer to Nathalie and put his arm around her waist.

"Yeah, you don't." Said Nathalie.

"Wait, is she the girl you were crying about, MacTavish?" Nathalie started laughing hysterically when she heard Matt's words.

"I wasn't crying you know." John said. "Alright, let's go to the barracks so you can leave your things."

They walked inside and John led her to her room. He gave her the key and let her settle in. Matt wanted to walk inside with her but MacTavish stopped him and closed the door behind Nathalie. Matt pouted and made faces at John who leaned onto the wall with his arms crossed. Matt looked like an intelligent guy but sometimes he was really childish and acted like a jerk. A couple of minutes later Nathalie walked out of her room with a new uniform.

"How do I look?" She asked smiling.

"Like a real soldier." Said John and at the same time Matt said "Smoking hot."

She laughed and rolled her eyes again. Then they walked outside. John wanted to show her around and tell the basics of living in Hereford but they were stuck with Matt who just couldn't stop talking. The thing was that Nathalie couldn't stand his loud mouth from the very beginning and said "Shut your whore mouth now!"

"I'm not a whore." Said Matt angered.

"No. No you're not. But your mouth is. Just like a whore can't keep her legs shut, you can't keep your mouth shut, can you?" She asked with an intimidating look on her face.

Matt's heart jumped when he saw her. The pretty young soldier has turned into a devil's spawn. From the look on her face you could believe she was ready to do basically anything to shut him up. John laughed when he remember the picture that Nathalie shown him after the fight she had with one of her teammates. She might have been a sweet girl but she had uncontrollable rage hidden deep inside her and anyone who dared to get on her nerves got a taste of that rage.

John and Nathalie walked around the base for a while with Matt following them all unhappy. Nathalie felt a little bit bad that she was so mean to him but he just couldn't stop talking. As they reached the training grounds a group of soldiers were leaving it and among them John saw the jackass who tried to mock him on his first day. After John got promoted he kept away but the sight of a female soldier just got him. He elbowed his mate and said "Look at that beauty." They laughed and he decided to go even further. "Hey, girl. Nice behind you got there."

Nathalie turned to face him and said. "Wouldn't say the same about you. Work out more and then we might talk." Then she just walked past him with John and Matt following.

"Damn, that was good." Said Matt. "You got a sharp tongue, girl. He doesn't stand a chance."

She laughed and waited for them to catch up with her. It was a great beginning for her.

* * *

In the evening after some light training John invited Nathalie over to his room. After reading the letter he had found more questions than answers and wanted to know more from her personally. She had trouble with trust but from the letter John understood that all Nikolai told him was truth. She liked him, she shared her secrets, she even left her country to be with him and he had to make up for all that.

John heard a knock on the door and rushed to open it. He smiled as he saw Nathalie standing there and he let her in. Once again they were hugging each other.

"You have no idea how much I missed you, Nathalie."

"I have, I missed you just as much."

"Impossible." He said and sat down on his bed with Nathalie sitting down next to him. "I wanted to talk with you about your letter. It might seem a little rushed but I can't stop thinking of the things that you wrote. I can hardly believe that your own father made you go through this."

Nathalie smiled but John saw sadness and pain in her eyes. She took a deep breath and said "It's true. Everything I wrote is true. Not a single lie. And it is not very detailed. I really don't want to remember everything that happened."

"Was it all that bad?"

"It was horrifying, John. Don't you feel bad that your job is to kill people? I did. For years I had nightmares about people I tortured. If could have an hour of sleep without dreaming of my hands and body covered with blood I said I had a good night sleep." She shook her head and continued. "Can you imagine how it drove me mad? And how did I feel when I realized what I was doing?"

John sighed. His question was stupid and he asked it. 'One more thing to regret' he thought as he quoted her letter. "I'm sorry I asked my last question. I'm an unsensitive bastard. Yes, I can't imagine what you went through and it sounds horrifying. It all seems unreal as what person could do this to their child, by head just can't process such thing. But I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. I didn't expect you to understand. I mean no one does." She said with her eyes slowly filling with tears and before any of them could escape John pulled her in his arms and held close. Nathalie put her arms around him as she held her head against his chest.

"You are not going back to him or doing anything he made you do. I'll do everything I can to keep you away from that place."

"Thanks." She whispered and smiled. "I'm very happy to be with you again."

They sat there close one to another sharing their warmth until Nathalie broke their contact saying "John."

"Hm?" Hummed John taking her hand. A very small amount of Nathalie's skin was showing from under her sweatshirt but tiny scar lines going from her wrist up her arm were visible. He gently stroked those small lines with his fingers waiting for her to say what she wanted.

"If we start dating we have to keep it secret. I mean you know how much trouble it would cause if anyone would find out."

"It will be our secret then." He said as he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. Nathalie giggled at how sweet John was and he just felt how his heart simply melted.


	15. Chapter 15

Not to cause any suspicion Nathalie and John stayed at separate rooms for the night. Because of the training schedule Nathalie made the day before she was up very early; it was before 6 am. She had her hair in a ponytail but it still reached down to her lower back so she just braided it. The thing was that she was the only girl in Hereford and didn't want to draw much attention so all of her clothes had to hide every feminine curve she had. That's why she had baggy pants with camo print and dark blue sweatshirt that was loose and made her look a lot flatter than she was. Once she thought she looked more like a boy than a girl Nathalie went for a long morning run around the base. She tried to remember where everything was but her memory failed her at some point. She remembered most of the places and locations of training grounds but it was somewhere deep in her consciousness because all that her mind could make up from yesterday was sweet Scottish accent of John's. She cursed herself for giving into the weakness so easily but then Nathalie realized that's exactly how her father felt about her and her deceased mother. Just as he said she was his weakness and he was even ready to give her away to the enemies just to make her happy.

When she realized that instead of getting her head clear that morning run made her think even more Nathalie quickly shook away all of the thoughts and jogged to the firing range. Once she walked in she was greeted by a fellow soldier. He asked what weapons she wanted to train with and when she answered soldier gave her a Magnum revolver and M4A1 rifle. He also gave her a few mags for reloading. As she walked to the range they gave her first track and she readied her revolver. When Nathalie was ready and started aiming at the targets she felt really uncomfortable. She turned her head to the right and saw every single staring at her. Not exactly her; she looked like a guy they didn't have where to stare, no, they didn't even need it. They were waiting for an outcome, they wanted to know how she'd do and maybe brag how much better they are. She looked back at the targets and aimed the revolver. She kept shooting and once she emptied her gun they changed her targets and announced the results. "Track one: six targets hit; 10, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10."

Nathalie smiled and let the shells fall out after which she put new bullets in. Everyone seemed really impressed with the outcome. They must have expected her to fail miserably since none of them knew of her years and years of practice. She was skilled but she wasn't proud of the way she acquired those skills. Soon there were more and more gunshots heard as every other soldier did what they came for at first place - training. Their training lasted two hours and she did really well and also she had some quality time getting to know other soldiers. When she was leaving the firing range that jerk she met the day before was walking in and blocked her way. As she tried to step aside and walk away he stepped in front of her. Nathalie looked angry and that jerk just laughed. "What do you want?" She asked.

"Nothing. No, really, nothing." He answered and his asshole teammates laughed too.

"You know, one of the greatest poets said that there are a few magical words and those are 'Please', 'Thank you', and 'Step off, bitch'." Said Nathalie and took a step forward but that arse was still standing in front of her.

"What if I don't?" He mocked.

Then Nathalie walked further and pushed him by the shoulder out of her way and as he stepped aside he thought it would be fun to slap her butt. When she felt his palm on her butt she didn't even think, didn't hesitate, she turned around to him and with the force of her body she hit his jaw with her elbow which made him fall back. He stumbled but stayed on his feet.

"Don't you touch me ever again." She exclaimed angrily and walked away before he could get to her. Nathalie's blood was boiling. She wouldn't let any bastard make fun of her and she made sure that he knew that. All frustrated she walked towards the next training. She had about five minute break between training and she just wasted it fighting. Nathalie sighed as she entered the course running grounds. There were many different courses but she knew that that time she had to be with John. As she walked closer one of the superiors noticed that she was late and called her out to front. "Now that you are late, miss, you're going to run this first."

"Yes, sir." She said calmly and took the holster and a pistol that the Sergeant gave her.

"Look at this closely. Your task is to run through these tires, go over that wooden wall, crawl under the spiky wires, sprint over to line and hit targets, there are five of them so you shoot each twice. After that you turn around and run over that log, then you cross monkey bars, and crawl through the tunnel. As you come out we will count your finish. We will combine your accuracy and speed and make leader boards for this week. And to make it more interesting you will go against MacTavish."

Nathalie listened to the Sergeant as she attached the holster to her leg and put the pistol in. When she heard her 'boyfriend's' last name she turned around to see him there ready for the start. He was in his camo pants and a tight tshirt that made his muscles pop. _You insides stay calm. It's not time to swoon over sexy men._ She thought to herself.

"Are we clear, Silver?" The leader asked and Nathalie answered "Couldn't be clearer, sir."

"Well then get to the start."

Nathalie walked to the start line and heard John wish her good luck. 'You too.' She said and thought of the situation. She was a runner, she had been running every morning for almost two years and was very agile so she had advantage in speed, but John was stronger and had advantage in climbing and crossing monkey bars. It was almost an equal race.

"Ready. Set. Go." She heard and began running. Tires were pretty easy to pass but the wall might have given her trouble. She sprinted to it and jumped up high enough not only to grab the ledge but to pull most of her weight up. She swung her leg up and rolled over the wall without checking how John was doing because it was a distraction. Nathalie dropped down to prone position and crawled underneath the spiky wire. She quickly got up and ran to the line. Nathalie pulled out the pistol and emptied the magazine at the targets. Without wasting any time she put it back in the holster and sprinted towards the log. She kept the balance perfectly over the log and when she was crossing the monkey bars she saw John passing her a little. When it was the only obstacle left Nathalie knew she had to do everything to win. She sprinted and dropped on her side to slide through the tunnel. The bottom of it was covered with sand and gravel and it bruised her leg but she passed it quicker than John. She breathed out and walked closer to superiors.

"Silver 25.96 and MacTavish 27.04" he said and Nathalie jumped up in excitement.

She pulled up her pants to see her bruised calf. Other soldiers looked at her strangely.

"Was it necessary?" Asked John.

Nathalie shrugged and answered "Probably not, but it was totally worth it. I beat you, MacTavish."

"We'll see when they count our hits."

They waited for a little and before she could know how well she did another soldier entered the grounds and called out "Sergeant Nathalie Silver to MacMillan's office now!" and left.

* * *

They were sitting in the office with MacMillan staring at them angrily. Nathalie looked at the jerk that was sitting right from her.

"It's your first day here and you're already getting in trouble. Why did you hit him?" Asked MacMillan.

Nathalie moved in her seat and said "Because he was disrespectful."

"And what did he do?"

"Didn't let me pass and when I pushed him out of my way he thought that it was appropriate to grab my buttocks." She said.

"And because of that you had to dislocate his jaw?"

"I don't want him to touch me and if that keeps him away it was necessary."

MacMillan sighed looking at them. "You, Simons, keep away from Silver or she will write a report on you about sexual harassment. And you, Silver, do not hit him or he will write a report about assault. Now if you two want to fight no one has to know and no one writes a report. Got it?"

They both nodded and MacMillan dismissed them. As they walked out of the office Nathalie walked in the direction of mess hall and Simons caught up with her.

"You hit hard. Are you just as rough in other aspects of life?" He asked.

"Yes, I am just as rough when I am trying to murder someone." Spit out Nathalie and picked up her walking pace.

"Oh, so you're like a black widow, kill every man you sleep with? Then how is our lovely MacTavish still alive?" He joked catching up with her.

"I don't believe in love, I'm waiting until marriage." Nathalie said and put her hands in her pockets. Simons was very keen on getting her angry and it was working. When she reached mess hall her mood was killed and even inside she couldn't have her peace. She took her tray with food and walked over to tables looking where to sit down and her new jerky friend was still following around. Nathalie heard Matt call her and walked over to him. There was a seat next to him so Nathalie took it.

"There's no place for you." Said Matt to Simons.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later, Silver." He said and walked away.

"Fucking hell." Mumbled Nathalie as she poked her food with a fork.

"What did MacMillan say?" Asked Matt.

"Nothing much, he scolded both of us and said that if we want to fight we should do it the way no one finds out." She put her left elbow on the table and leaned on it as she looked at the potato hanging on her fork. "That didn't help at all; bastard is still harassing me verbally and I can't hit him."

"We heard you got him pretty well." Said one of the soldiers who was sitting at the same table.

"Dislocated his jaw. Your medics are really skilled if they got it back in so quick. He is talking non-stop. I completely lost my appetite." She said and dropped the fork onto the tray.

"Guess then my mouth is not a whore?" Asked Matt smiling.

Nathalie laughed and said "Nah, man, it's probably just a courtesan. He is a fucking whorehouse. How you can stand him?"

"We've been here for a long time, almost from the beginning of service and he is usually picking on new people." Answered another soldier.

Nathalie looked around the mess hall and saw John walking over to another table. He was staring back at her disappointed and quite angry so Nathalie turned back to the table. She knew that more training awaited that day and she needed nutrition so Nathalie forcefully ate half of everything that was on the tray. Soon she and Matt walked out of mess hall and walked over to their training locations. Four hours of strength training with a small break were waiting for her.

* * *

At the evening John asked Nathalie to come over. She was sitting on his bed while John was scolding her. Nathalie sighed and listened to him talk.

"It was your very first day and you managed to get in trouble anyway? Couldn't you just walk away? The more you react to him the more he will try to get to you..."

"John." Nathalie cut him off. "I won't let any asshole treat me like trash. I only hit him because he deserved it. No bastard is touching me. If I don't stand up for myself he'll think I'm ok with that."

"Ignoring him would have worked too." Sighed John standing in front of her.

"I believe you don't understand how behaviourism works. Required behaviour is praised and unpleasant is punished." She smiled.

"Behaviourism, eh? I don't think you're going to change him."

"Maybe I won't change him but I might break his jaw instead of dislocating it so it will shut him up forever." Nathalie laughed and stood up from the bed. She walked closer and put her arms around his waist. John put his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer. Her bright blue and green eyes looked right into his and MacTavish felt hypnotized by them.

"Why are your eyes different colours?" He asked.

"It's heterochromia. I inherited it from my father. His left eye is green and right one blue."

"Well, they are very beautiful." Said John and carefully leaned in to kiss her. Nathalie leaned in and broke the distance between them.


	16. Chapter 16

The next following days went really well with enough training to keep Nathalie and John busy but also with enough breaks to give time for only two of them. No incidents happened with exception of one time where Nathalie almost hit Simons again but Matt was there to stop her. Other than that those few days were calm and slow paced. By the end of the week MacMillan invited MacTavish to his office for a serious discussion and John had a feeling it had something to do with Nathalie. He knew that if he heard her name in the chat John could lose his calm and say something he shouldn't so he tried to get his mind clear while walking to the office. MacTavish still seemed a little nervous but MacMillan welcomed Lieutenant warmly.

"Take a seat, MacTavish. We're here for some business." Said MacMillan and laughed.

"What kind of business, sir?" Asked John lowering himself into the chair in front of MacMillan's desk.

"We've lost a great team. You can't make up the whole team alone so we are creating a new one. It is just a thing I am discussing with other higher rank soldiers here in Hereford. We have to distribute our military power thoughtfully. Some soldiers stay as trainers and others are meant to be in action. We have plenty of great soldiers spending their days training their skills but they gain very little of it as they reach they peak and they need a different way to improve which is battlefield. In addition to that we have some new soldiers coming in December and I hear some show great potential which could also be put in a battlefield. So we are thinking of making a team from about 10-15 experienced soldiers and maximum 5 fresh to battle ones." MacMillan took a deep breath and finished the tea that he was drinking before John came in. "Since you have experience in this I want you to gather a list of every soldier that would be fit for this team. With every name should be additional dossier with your opinion on strong points, weaknesses, basically everything why he is worth being in team and what would help us pick best ones."

"When is the deadline, sir?" Asked MacTavish.

"You don't have to hurry, Lieutenant. It should be done over a couple of weeks so we can have our team functional and training together by the middle of November."

John nodded and waited to be dismissed but MacMillan kept him there in his seat. He was trying to read through Lieutenant's expressions and doing so he said "I have one more thing. Nathalie Silver."

"What about her?" Asked John a little too forward and scolded himself in his thoughts.

"I've put her under your command not just like that. I've done my research and I know who she is or what she's capable of. Working for terrorists then changing sides? Interesting choice. I also know she worked as a nurse when you were injured in that Russian war." General tried to provocate a reaction from John.

"I don't want to be disrespectful but I don't seem to understand what direction this is taking, sir."

"You two might have an affair going there. What kind of power a 21 year old girl could have to make some strong and smart soldiers to transfer her from one country to another over a few days. These things take months if not years, MacTavish."

John knew that hiding wasn't right but spilling the beans wouldn't end up well either. That's why he decided to tell his superior just a little. "We don't have any affairs. I like her as a person, not as a soldier, but I keep my distance. It wouldn't seem right if I'd start dating someone under my command."

MacMillan nodded. "I see you are concerned about her so I'll let you know that everything I have against her is unofficial and I have no intention of telling anyone so she is safe. Though she is also very useful for us; all that knowledge about Russians and how they work. If we actually pick her for the team she could be your advisor, your right hand, you know."

MacTavish nodded slightly shocked. MacMillan knew about Nathalie almost as much as he did if not more. Her secret was in danger but there were many ways of getting her out of trouble.

"Alright. Let's go outside, MacTavish. We'll see what we can choose for our first members." Said MacMillan and when they walked outside they saw Nathalie and Matt by the leaderbords. MacMillan kept staring at them without moving forward so MacTavish stood there waiting, looking at those two. Soon enough Simons shown up and started talking with Nathalie. Soon she fired up and wanted to attack him but Matt managed to grab her and pull away dragging her back. Simons started laughing and Nathalie just flipped him off. She looked like she was about to burst in anger. Matt who was dragging her back didn't look too happy. He must have been practicing Nathalie's death stare because that's how he was looking at Simons.

"See they are skilled and well trained soldiers but their personal issues can interfere with their teamwork. Simons causes trouble to almost everyone and Nathalie is triggered very easily. That's why I want you to write down things like this, it will help us determine who can work as a team and will make a good team. Okay, this is it. Go look around and begin working." Said MacMillan and walked back to his office.

MacTavish stayed watching the incident. There was truth in MacMillan's words their personal issues were troubling. And they weren't that personal. Simons did that to everyone, even MacTavish. And since he didn't want to look like an idiot standing there alone thinking about something John walked in direction that Matt and Nathalie fled to. After walking for a while he saw them chilling beside the barracks. They looked up to him walking closer and Matt waved. He waved back and sat down beside them.

"What's up, MacTavish?" Asked Matt with a smile while Nathalie was sitting quietly still frowning from whatever Simons said to her.

"I always thought I would be an errand boy for MacMillan but I finally got a nice job." Answered John and then addressed Nathalie. "You ok there, Silver?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said with her voice sounding really low. "I just need to stop thinking about stabbing him."

"What did he say?"

"Why does it matter?" She mumbled angrily.

"Well it might affect MacMillan's decision whether to take him in a new team or not." Said MacTavish.

"He asked me how much I take for one night and if I could give him a discount since you get a full service for free. Then he said that I should be happy he wants a bitch like me." She said all fired up again. Nathalie stood up and punched a wall screaming. A crack has been heard at the impact of her knuckles and the wall. Tears formed in her eyes and she said "I've never let any shitbag disrespect me like that."

"You broke your fingers." Said Matt as he stood up and took her hand which was bleeding heavily.

"Not really, probably just dislocated." Nathalie said already calmed down and pulled her fingers putting them back in their places which caused more popping sounds.

John looked at her closely with a desperate want to hold her close and put asshole that hurt her in his place but he knew that he couldn't show public affection to her. It would have made not only situation to Simons worse, it would have made overall situation worse.

"Take her to the medics, Matt. It might not seem like a big deal but it will be better this way."

"Alright. Let's go, Silver." Said Matt and carefully led her away from barracks. He noticed how John looked at her from the very beginning and knew that she was the one John wanted so much. While they were walking to the medical centre Matt said "You know, it feels that you are very precious when I say Silver."

Nathalie smiled despite the pain in her arm. There were bad things in her life but there were also good ones and those are friends that take of her. Matt led her inside where medics were working. They easily cleaned up the wounds and bandaged her knuckles. Nathalie thanked them and walked back outside with Matt. It was still early and Nathalie didn't have any more training for the day and Matt had it only later at the evening they decided to hang around together having a small chat.

"I don't like when people talk too much without any need but I'd rather listen to you talk 24/7 than hear that bastard speak ever again." Said Nathalie walking in a slow pace. "You say something funny from time to time and he just wants to crush me."

"Wow. What a compliment..." Said Matt sarcastically impersonating her.

"Oh come on, I was being nice." Nathalie playfully punched his arm.

"Excuse me, but you do this to me all the time, miss sarcasm."

"That's the only way of survival. But comes one day when even that doesn't help and you have to stab a motherfucker."

Matt shivered. Her change of moods was clear and scary; one second she was the sweetest girl and next one she was bloodthirsty huntress. He shook his head walking along with her. "How does MacTavish put up with you?" Matt whispered as he walked side by side with Nathalie.

"There's nothing to put up with. I get only positive feelings when I'm with him." She shrugged and offered to go have lunch at mess hall.

After the lunch they've spent some more time together until Matt had to go to the training. Since Nathalie's training start early that day she didn't have a chance to go for her morning run she decided to go then. That's why she went back to barracks to change into her running clothes. She walked inside the barracks and reached out to her pocket for the key to her room but before she could take it Nathalie moved door handle and to her surprise the door opened; she always kept her door locked. Nathalie stepped inside to see no other but her most hated person Simons rummaging through her bags. Without even bothering to fully close the door Nathalie launched at him as he already turned around to face her. She punched him with all of the energy and anger that she wanted to release punching a wall earlier. It was extremely strong hit, almost a knockout from the first hit which she never believed she could do. Nathalie pushed him to the ground and dropped onto her knees above him. Being right handed and driven by adrenaline she punched his face a couple of times with the same injured arm. When the bandages were soaked in her blood she put her palms around Simons' neck slowly choking him. "You dare doing things like this to me well then you should dare to accept the consequences of your bullshit." She hissed at him as she was putting more pressure on his neck.

Luckily John walking out of his own room peaked in through half open door to see it all. He entered the room and pulled Nathalie away from her enemy. John sat her down on bed and pulled Simons up onto his feet. Both men walked out of her room and John pulled Jason (Simons) into his own room.

"Why can't you stay the fuck away from her?" Asked John. "She won't hesitate to kill you if you keep coming at her."

"I'm not even interested in her. You on the other hand are one thing I need to overcome." Said Simons brushing blood off his face with a sleeve of his hoodie. "You are important in the eyes of MacMillan. I know about a new team you are forming and I have to be in it."

"What makes you think I will put you in the list?"

"Of course you will. I don't know who Silver is to you, more than just a sympathy probably, and if you don't put me in that team, everyone will know that she almost killed me. I'll make sure to destroy her in every possible way." Said Simons going for the door but MacTavish blocked him.

"You didn't have intentions to do anything with her at all? I was your target?" Asked John already frustrated wanting to punch him himself.

"I had nothing on you. And now that you are a Lieutenant I have no chances but she is vulnerable. She is a single woman surrounded by hundreds of men, her self-defence instinct is on peak. Way too easy to manipulate." Jason laughed and John grabbed him by the neck which wiped that grin off his face in mere seconds.

"You are the only reason she is insecure." John breathed out and let him go. "I'll put you on that fucking list but if you come near her I'll make sure that she gets a chance to stab you."

Jason only laughed and pushed him out of his way going out. 'Fucking psycho.' Whispered John trying to calm himself. So much trouble had fallen on his shoulders over such short period of time. And even more trouble was soon to come. He wanted to check up on Nathalie and saw her leaving her room. He pulled her in his room and pushed to the wall making sure she won't avoid looking him in the eyes.

"What were you thinking? You know how much trouble this could have caused?"

"MacMillan said that we should fight when no one sees and it was a perfect opportunity. He was in my room going through my things and I just lost it. He broke inside when I keep my doors locked." She blabbered those words nervously.

"Listen, you don't have to think of him anymore." He gently stroked her cheek. "I'll take care of him and he will stay away from you."

Then he leaned in closer and kissed her forehead allowing her to let the bad emotions go away holding onto him. She moved closer to him trying to keep her bloody hand away not to stain his clothes. John took her hand and gently unwrapped soaked bandage.

"Don't hurt yourself like that anymore, ok?" John said. "Can you take care of this on your own?"

Nathalie nodded in response. "I have some things for first aid. Don't worry." Her voice sounded a little better and there was no rage or fear in her eyes, though she felt really bad for her actions and all trouble she caused.

MacTavish leaned in and kissed her again as he let her go to take care of herself. When she walked out John took the list of members for the new team from his nightstand. If putting Jason on the list meant security and peace for Nathalie, John had no other choice but do it.


	17. Chapter 17

Hello, I am very sorry I haven't updated in like ages. My finals at university are here and I am very very busy with my studies. I will be just as busy for the rest of June and next chapter will be posted only in the beginning of July. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

John laid in his bed under the blankets with Nathalie curled up to his side. Nathalie went for her early morning run and came back to John to warm up as it was almost December and the weather wasn't really pleasant. He held his arms around her gently stroking her hair. Few weeks passed through which Nathalie had time to ease up as Simons kept his distance. She laid at his side completely relaxed and all John could do is just listen to her breathing. It was just one thing he had dreamt about since he left Russia, to be with her in complete peace. Both of them had plenty of problems that didn't let them enjoy one another's presence as much as they would want to and that's the reason why John enjoyed moments like that.

"Don't fall asleep. We'll have FNG's to take care of." Whispered John.

"What FNG's? MacTavish are you high?" She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Do these cigars that you smoke have some good stuff?"

"We have new soldiers coming today. A week earlier than on the schedule but that means our team will be formed earlier too."

"Do I have to go? I am not your right hand yet and I'm way too comfortable right now." She mumbled and pulled more blanket on herself leaving John uncovered. He was wearing his jammies but weather was colder than he expected so he tried to pull the blanket back on him.

"I'll leave soon and you won't be that comfortable anymore. I'm also taking that blanket with me." Said John rolling onto his side and pulling blanket off of Nathalie.

"Why do you even need it?" She asked.

"I'll put it on like a cape and pretend I am a jedi."

Nathalie started laughing really loud and put hand over her mouth trying to muffle the sound. She sat up in bed and brushed off the tears. 'A jedi' she said to herself and almost burst out laughing again.

"What's so funny?" Asked John.

"I want to be a sith lord then. We could do that good cop bad cop thing. All of the FNG's would be so scared of me."

John laughed and pulled her into his embrace. "You are adorable. I don't think anyone could be scared." He said and kissed her cheek holding her tight.

"Ugh, MacTavish you are suffocating me." She giggled trying to pull his arms apart and push away from him. "Your love might be strong but you don't have to show it with your muscles."

John laughed and released her. Nathalie rolled around in bed and later she leaned over him to put her head on his chest. She looked at John smiling sweetly.

"We should really get going." He said.

"Five more minutes." Mumbled Nathalie and John just sighed as he pushed her out of bed. She was ready to protest when her butt hit cold ground but she couldn't do it as he just lowered himself on top of her from the bed. At that moment it was just her between freezing ground and John's hot body. Nathalie shivered from the cold and probably from the situation she was in. He gently stroked her hair and kissed her but this time he kissed her lips. It was intense, it was passionate and it was calming. That kiss just took away all of her doubts, all of the sorrow and bitterness that accumulated over the time she had spent in Hereford. Then Nathalie knew she was on a right track in her life.

"Okay, enough of affection. Work awaits us." Said John and pushed himself off the floor and offered her a hand. Nathalie looked a little grumpy but took his hand and he just pulled her up. She put on her combat boots and sat down on the bed looking at John getting dressed. "I am still not convinced to go see those new guys with you." She said putting her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt.

"I thought that kiss was a good reward for you acting nice. I even gave it you in advance since it's still an early morning and you are already being mean." He said putting last layer of clothing to keep him warm.

Nathalie just rolled her eyes and John knew that bitch mode was just activated. "So we are using kisses as rewards now?" She began. "Great job on beating me in the course running, you deserve a reward. Oh wait, never mind, I guess I will never kiss you again." Nathalie stood up and walked closer to the door. John laughed and decided to keep playing her game. He pinned her to the wall and leaned in closer where their lips were just centimetres apart. She couldn't lean in and just kiss him because his grip was tighter and almost to the point where it was uncomfortably too tight.

"Now that's what I am talking about. Either you spend this day being nice or you won't get this for the rest of the week." John kissed her again with even more passion though she didn't enjoy it as much from his words ringing in her ears. Nathalie didn't like the conditions but knew that it was better to keep her mouth shut and she couldn't even be angry at John since it wasn't nice of her being sarcastic and bitchy to him. Yet another flaw of her. It was great to talk back to others but sometimes she just direct it to the wrong people, those who don't deserve it so she nodded and whispered "I'll be good."

They walked outside into the cold morning air which seemed a lot colder because they were warm inside. Despite the weather they went to the entrance of the base where a bunch of men were already waiting for them. Most of them were quite young and a few were older than MacTavish.

"That's the whole group?" Asked John and when someone answered yes he said "I am Lieutenant MacTavish and this is Sergeant Silver. You will be under her command and I hope you all respect her. Don't worry I won't do anything if you disrespect her, she has her own methods to make you listen."

Nathalie was standing there without emotions as if everything was going according to the plan but inside she was both terrified and angry. She was terrified because even back in Russia she didn't have anyone under her command, either way she was working alone or with her superior leading whole team. And at that moment Nathalie found out she was going to be their leader. It was a great responsibility and John didn't even tell her in advance. She wanted to smack him so much but held it all back because she knew she can't hit her superior. "Alright, get your things, Lieutenant will show you your barracks and later we will go training. Any questions?"

"Are you his chick?" Asked one of them.

'Fuck you, Simons.' She thought and quickly realized that it wasn't him and that she could react however she wanted. "No, but if you keep asking stupid questions I will ignore you even if you ask logical questions. Take your things and let's go."

Nathalie turned around and walked away. John quickly caught up with her with a smile on his face. Nathalie shook her head and said "I hate you so much right now. I have no idea what I'm doing."

"You're doing just great." He said and took the lead towards the barracks. "It's just some practice before you become my right hand in our new team."

The days passed really slowly for Nathalie as she was really nervous from all the pressure and responsibilities. Every time she opened her mouth she was afraid something wrong would come out and she would mess up completely. Despite her worries everything went really well. They all seemed okay with her being their leader and she sure did try to push them to their limits. Nathalie did twice as much of training as she would normally do on her own each day. After first few days of such huge amount of training not only the newbies were exhausted, Nathalie herself could hardly move her own feet but it was worth it.

The holidays were nearing and everyone could feel it. Selected soldiers had additional free week before the original holiday time and they could choose how they wanted to spend that time. John and Nathalie were two of those who got the additional week and John already knew that he was going to visit his family who he hadn't seen for a long time. Nathalie on the other hand didn't have anyone to visit and celebrate Christmas with not only because in Russia it's celebrated after the new year when she should be back at service in Hereford but because it was better to stay all alone in London that to pretend to be happy seeing her father. Nikolai was another option but he was busy; too busy to care about holidays. That's why MacTavish invited her to come with him but she was reluctant. She declined his offer depending on the fact that she haven't met them before and that John haven't even told them about her. Nathalie decided to stay through that additional week in Hereford and train with new recruits as well as spending her holidays in her new home. It all seemed quite lonely but she knew that it wasn't as bad as all the things she lived through in the past.

Before John left for his home he and General MacMillan made it official team out of older soldiers including Nathalie who became his right hand and Simons since he couldn't risk Nathalie's safety. Matt also made it into the team. Overall the experience of being in the lead was pleasant for Nathalie despite of getting really tired. The fun part of it was hanging out with others after the training. One evening Matt, Nathalie, and one of the fng's gathered by the barracks. They all sat down on the steps and Matt stared at Nathalie with horror as she was smoking a cigarette.

"Keep staring at me like that and your eyes will pop out." She said blowing out a smoke.

"I just didn't know that you smoke. It's weird." Said Matt looking away.

"No one likes a smoking woman so I try to keep it secret but now that John is away I don't have to hide. I don't say that it's good to do so but it helps me to stay calm." Nathalie took one last breath and put out the cigarette throwing it on the ground and stepping on it.

"John?" Asked the new guy. "So you are actually dating?"

"Nah, we're just very good friends. I'm Matt, she's Nathalie and our superior is John."

Nathalie nodded looking at her hands that were turning a little blue from the cold. Other than that she felt alright since she dressed warmly and because winters in Russia were way colder. She kind of became immune to light chill.

"Anyway, what's your name?" She asked.

"Simon. Simon Riley, ma'am." He answered and Nathalie extended her hand towards him.

"Nice to finally know your name." She said as they shook hands. "I hope this doesn't give you any fake hope because I have no vote right when it comes to deciding who will be taken to our team but you are a good soldier. I liked your style in training; it'd be a shame if they didn't take you."

"MacTavish would listen to you." Said Matt. "You know as a friendly advice."

Nathalie nodded at his words. John would listen to her advice without a doubt but whether he would take it or not was a little different. Their relationship wasn't that strong and they weren't as open one with another as much as they would want to be. There were things better left unsaid but it also left some tension. Nathalie hoped that they would settle it with time.

Since it was getting late and cold they all decided to go back into the barracks which were basically half empty. It was more quiet than usually and that made Nathalie shiver. She sat in her room packing her things thinking of time she had spent there in Hereford and how fast it had passed and the fact that she didn't make any friends apart from Matt and Simon. She felt lonely but there was plenty of time coming for that.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Hello everyone who is still reading my story. First I want to thank you for over 3k views on my story. It might seem like a little number but it means a lot to me. Second, I apologize for not posting for so long and apologize since I won't be posting for another one. I am leaving to another country where I won't have access to this site. But I promise to keep on writing these lovely chapters and when I am back online I'll hopefully spam you with them. Thank you for reading :) Reviews would be appreciated.

* * *

Nathalie's apartment seemed just as empty as the barracks when she was leaving. Life in UK was a little unusual for her and getting used to her apartment was quite difficult but she knew that it was her own kingdom with her rules. She could be anyone and do anything and that's exactly what she did. Just as soon as Nathalie stepped in her home she dropped her bag, took off her shoes, walked to the living room and dropped onto the couch. She didn't serve in Britain for that long but culture change had a big impact on her and then it was her time to be as Russian as she wanted.

Since it was still an early afternoon Nathalie decided to go out changed from her military uniform into something more appropriate and comfortable. When she was ready she took her handbag and left. Fastest way to reach any point in the city was going by the tube and Nathalie took it to the city centre. Her first stop was the electronics store where she got herself a laptop and signed a contract with an internet provider. She took the packed laptop with a bag and left the store regretting she didn't take a backpack which would make carrying everything easier. Nathalie sighed and continued walking through the streets towards her next checkpoint which was the Oxford Street. That place was literally heaven for her feminine side especially with all the money her father gave her. It felt almost like an unlimited amount of money and Nathalie spent thousands of pounds buying her clothes, shoes, and make up. She feared she wouldn't get a chance to wear any of the things she got herself because she was bound to spend her days as a soldier in a battlefield but the process of buying brought her enough happiness to make it seem like not a big deal. Once she was done with shopping and could barely hold all of the bags Nathalie took the tube back home. She didn't even bother to unpack everything; instead she put on a red long sleeved dress, black leggings and black wedges with a black winter coat to match. Next thing she was supposed to do was go grocery shopping but she visited her beloved cafe. She tried to deny the fact that it wasn't the coffee she wanted but to see Ethan once again. Her first thing to do when she entered the cafe was to give her order to barista but she couldn't resist looking for a familiar face around the coffee shop. And there he was sitting at one of the tables chatting with his friends. At first he didn't see her or maybe didn't recognize her as a lot of time had passed since they first met. Once he understood that it actually her who he was seeing his face lit up with a smile and he excused himself. Nathalie took her cup of coffee and turned around to see Ethan walking up to her.

"Hey there, haven't seen you for a while." He said.

"Hi. I've been away, working. My job is in a different town so I can't spend much time here." She smiled at him. "Anyway, would you like to hang out?"

"Sure!" He exclaimed. "Just let me get my things and we can go."

Nathalie nodded and walked closer to the door while Ethan jogged towards his friends and picked up his things. He apologized that he had to leave so soon and put his coat on. After listening to his friends protest for a while he waved them off and walked up to Nathalie saying "Let's go."

As they walked outside Nathalie felt that it got a little colder than before but she didn't mind the chilly weather. She looked at Ethan and asked "Is it okay if we just walk around the town and maybe visit some famous places?"

"Sure, sure. I'd love to. Where do you want to go?"

"I'd love to visit the Greenwich. I've been thinking about it from my first time in Britain."

"Well, we should take the tube then. It'll be way faster."

Nathalie nodded and they walked towards the nearest entrance to the underground. She quickly finished her coffee and threw her cup in a trash bin. It was a quick ride and when they exited the train she saw beautifully lit streets. They walked through them and reached a park. After a while they reached the peak of the hill where a pretty sight to the whole city opened. They sat down on one of the benches and looked at the city chatting about their lives. She enjoyed the view and the company but she felt like something was missing. It wasn't John, no, she already had him, and she was everything to him. That's what she thought she missed but it was something else, something more.

"You don't seem very happy." Said Ethan looking at her.

"I don't know, I have everything I have dreamt of having but it still feels like something is missing, something I have forgotten."

"I know that feeling." He nodded and looked back to the city. "I believe that it's the chaos that we're missing. The constant fight for our dreams because once you get what you want and settle down everything seems boring."

"You're probably right. I settled down with my life in here while back in Russia I was always doing something." She got up from the bench and took a step to be in front of him. "Enough of brooding, time to move back. I still have to do grocery shopping before the stores close."

Ethan stood up and was really close to Nathalie. He laughed at the thought of getting even closer and maybe kissing her because she mentioned the first time they met that she moved because of her love. Though she looked really simple and casual there was some kind of mysterious attraction to her and Ethan couldn't explain it. He held back all of the emotions and they casually walked back to the Greenwich station. They took the train back to the neighbourhood where Nathalie lived and walked to the nearest supermarket. She was quick to walk around and pick the things she needed as Ethan was basically jogging after her. The only place where he managed to catch up was alcohol aisle. She stood there looking at the bottles as if she was choosing what she is supposed to drink for the rest of her life. Few minutes later Nathalie took two bottles of vodka from the shelf and put it in the shopping basket that he was carrying.

"That's all for you?" Asked Ethan looking concerned.

"Yeah. I need to stay in shape. My man is Scottish and there's a stereotype that they are heavy drinkers." She walked closer to the shelves and took another bottle but of whiskey this time. "Is this stuff Scottish?"

Ethan shrugged and they walked to the check out. Nathalie paid for everything with her credit card and they packed it all in a couple of shopping bags. Her home wasn't far away so she insisted on going back alone since it was getting late and Ethan should be going back home himself but he protested and didn't let her take the shopping bags. That's why they walked along together for a couple of minutes until they reached the apartment block where she lived. As it was time to say goodbye she pulled him into a warm embrace and put a small kiss on a cheek. "Thanks for spending time with me. Hope I didn't bother you very much."

"No, it was my pleasure." He said smiling and gave her the bags. "I hope to see you again soon."

Nathalie smiled and nodded. Her holidays seemed to be sad and lonely so it was a fact that she would seek company. As Ethan walked away in the direction of his home Nathalie entered the code and opened the main doors. Her apartment was on third floor but it wasn't difficult to reach it even with a bunch of shopping bags. Military strength pays of in weird ways. Rest of her evening was quite boring; she unpacked the food, got into more comfortable clothes and watched TV until she fell asleep.

* * *

The following day Nathalie was woken up by a phone call. She took her phone and saw that Tyler is calling.

"Hello." She answered the call.

"Hi, Nathalie. I hope I didn't wake you up because it sounds that I did."

"No it's ok, Tyler. How are you?"

"I'm great, thanks. Well I called not to catch up on your life sadly. We have guests coming soon so I'll get straight to the point. Madeline, my fiancé, and I are going to spend holidays with her family. So I thought that you are my only family left sort of and we could meet."

"It's very nice of you to think of me. I'd love to see you." She got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen to make some coffee waiting for Tyler's offer.

"If you could come over to visit us tomorrow or after tomorrow before we leave we'd be really happy to see you."

Nathalie smiled and said "I'll come over tomorrow so you have more time to prepare for leaving."

"Alright, see you tomorrow."

She put her phone on the counter and took one cup. Nathalie poured freshly brewed coffee into her cup followed by milk and caramel but before she could even taste her creation her phone started ringing. She sighed at the fact that she was getting a little too popular for one morning. She picked up her phone and answered it.

"Hello, is this Nathalie Silver?" She heard a male voice.

"Yes, who is calling?"

"Oh, my bad, I am calling from the internet providing company, you signed a contract and we want every customer to have internet connection before holidays. If you'd like to we could set everything up today or tomorrow."

"Today is better."

"Alright, our workers are available from 2pm, is that time suitable for you or it would be better if they came over later?"

"It's okay. Thank you for calling." She said and listened to the caller's apology and excuse that he was working his first day there. She smiled and said that it was alright. When the caller hung up she looked at the time. It was 20 minutes past midday. She had to get a shower and get dressed before that internet service guy came over. Nathalie took her coffee and walked to her bedroom where her wardrobe was. She took a sip and set the cup on the nightstand and as she was looking for clothes to wear in her wardrobe her phone rang again. Nathalie sighed and fell onto her bed. She answered it and heard familiar Russian voice greeting her.

"Hi there." She said to Nikolai.

"How is my brit doing?"

"I'm fine, thanks. How about you? I bet you are busy as always."

"Yes, I have lots of things to do. Even more than usually."

"So what is the purpose of your call then?"

"I need your new address. Nikolai's courier company has to keep up with its client's information."

Nathalie laughed at him and said she would text him the address. They talked for a little longer and when they finished Nathalie drank all of her coffee that was almost cold by that time. Time was running fast and she had only half an hour left to get ready. She rushed to the bathroom and managed to make herself look like a normal person. The day passed quickly and in the evening Nathalie was enjoying listening to russian music while she was taking care of her magnum revolver. With a lot of effort it looked like new but it jammed sometimes which was completely normal for a weapon that was older than her. That day she went to bed early so she could have more time to spend with her family.

* * *

Tyler was already waiting for Nathalie's arrival with a table full of snacks. His love Madeline was a cook and loved it. Every time Nathalie came over she had made way too many meals and that day Madeline spent in kitchen cooking. When Nathalie walked in their house she was dazed by the amazing smell of cinnamon and apples. All three of them settled town at the table pretty soon. There was an oven baked duck with cinnamon, four types of salads, three types of snacks and two desserts waiting.

"That's so much food. If you tried to impress me you definitely did a great job." Said Nathalie. "How long did it take to make?"

"Not really long and I enjoy cooking so it's all right, especially when we enjoy it." Said Madeline.

"And we have something to celebrate so it's all for it." Added Tyler. "You are the first one to know."

Nathalie shook her head and asked "To know what?"

"We are having a baby." They said together and then Madeline continued. "We only found out yesterday evening. This is so exciting."

"I'm so happy for you two. If I knew I would have brought a present for your little one." Nathalie smiled. "How long?"

"Doctor said that it's already two months so only seven left to wait. And you will be able to bring a present to a baby shower."

It was a very happy moment for all of them. Nathalie was happy that they accepted her as member of family and even let her be the first one to know about pregnancy. Both Tyler and Madeline were five years older than Nathalie and really wanted to have a child. It was beautiful to see them so in love and with their dream coming true. They ate the lunch having a little chat about the baby's gender and names they would pick for him/her, they talked about room decoration and about them moving to another place. Their life was changing in a new and exciting way but they didn't forget about Nathalie's life changes. Soon their chat was all about military life and dangers awaiting her. Madeline was very worried but didn't protest about her choices on the other hand Tyler did have guts and a right to ramble about Nathalie's choice. He kept going on and on about it every time they met and all she could do in response was smile. Military career might not be something appealing to everyone but it's the thing she was good at and gave her opportunity with John and that just removed any doubt she had.

After the meal they settled down in the living room by the fireplace for a couple of hours until it was time for Nathalie to go back home. Three of them just took a short walk around the neighbourhood. They've spent whole day talking so it was a calm silent walk. Nathalie looked around at the houses and people walking their dogs. Somehow it reminded her of Russia. By that time of the year it was way colder than in Britain and snowing heavily. She missed those huge amounts of snow when you can roll around and cover yourself in it or the big snowflakes getting tangled in her hair during snowstorm. Britain looked more like stuck in eternal autumn.

Soon their walk ended as they reached the train station. Nathalie said goodbyes and went on a train going back home. It was getting dark and after a ride with a train and tube she went straight home without visiting the cafe.

* * *

The Christmas passed very quickly as Nathalie knew how to keep herself busy. She cleaned her whole apartment to very smallest detail. Later on she worked out and cooked herself dinner by the recipes that Madeline gave her. Later on she read a book, watched a film on TV and went to sleep. She repeated the same routine for the rest of the days apart of the cleaning. It was the last day of year and Nathalie felt even more drawn to Russia, where her true home was or at least it seemed so. New Year's celebration was always exciting in there and she missed that excitement. The memories made her feel down as she was sure there was no way possible for her to feel just as excited. Despite all that she still prepared for the New Year like she always used to. She made some traditional Russian meals like pelmeni and blini with caviar. Nathalie ended up making some more salad and a chocolate cake. When everything was ready she took a shower and got dressed in a black skinny jeans and a black blouse. She put on some make up and accessories just to look and feel good. Nathalie went back to kitchen and poured some whiskey into the glass. Then she took some ice cubes out of the freezer and threw them in the glass. She walked back to living room sipping her drink and sat down taking her laptop onto her knees. Nathalie smiled when she started a film Ironiya sudbi ili s legkim parom which became a tradition to watch in the new year's eve in Russia. Almost two hours later when the film ended and she did two refills Nathalie decided to put on some music and eat her loneliness away with all the food she made it would be enough to feed a family of four. And just as she was walking to the kitchen she heard a knock on the door. Nathalie instantly became nervous, there wasn't supposed to be any guests. As she was convinced to go take her handgun she remembered about the Nikolai's call and his courier service. Nathalie breathed out and walk up to the door unlocking it. As she opened the door she saw something she least expected to see. There was John standing with a big bouquet of red roses. Nathalie gasped as she couldn't believe what she was seeing. John took a step forward and put his arms around her as she couldn't hold her tears back. She was so happy she didn't know what to say.

"I've missed you, my darling." He whispered holding her close. They just stood there for a while and decided to go inside when some neighbours passed them going up the stairs to their own apartment.

"Let me guess, that's why Nikolai asked me my address?"

John nodded and Nathalie smiled. She leaned in and kissed him. A few weeks without seeing him and she was missing him so badly.

"I really did not expect to see you until after tomorrow." She said and took the flowers from him. John dropped his bag and took off his shoes before following her. They walked to the kitchen where Nathalie put the flowers in a vase and John noticed the table covered with plates of food.

"Are you sure you weren't expecting anyone?" He asked looking at the huge amount of food. He was hungry as he left his home five hours before he got to Nathalie's place.

"Nope. It's all for me." She said and placed flower vase on the counter. Nathalie turned around to the table and walked closer. "And for you if you are hungry."

"I'm starving." Said John and they sat down at the table to eat. Some meals were unusual for him and as he thought they tasted weird but Nathalie ate it all happily. It was funny to see him try Russian cuisine for the first time. At the end of their meal Nathalie opened a bottle of vodka and poured two glasses of it. She handed one of them to John and smiled expecting another disgusted reaction from him. He looked at the glass that aside looked like filled with water.

"That's it? No ice?" He asked.

"Yes. That's how we drink it in Russia. Pure vodka." Said Nathalie and drank it all at once. John shook his head and did the same. He looked really disgusted. "And you really enjoy drinking that?" He asked.

"It depends. This for example is horrible stuff." She said. "Definitely not the greatest quality drink. I'd give you the real thing in Russia. Okay, let's go relax."

They walked to the living room, laid down on the couch and decided to watch a movie on TV but all of Nathalie's attention was on John. She was so happy to have him close, right next to her. She didn't even see what was going on the screen as she was listening to his heartbeat. Soon John himself stopped caring about the TV and held Nathalie tighter in his arms. It was one of the last moments where they were relaxing together as after the holidays the new team was supposed to be assembled and sent to their first missions. John enjoyed that peace that was between them because it made him sure that in the future everything will be just as good.

Nathalie laughed when she noticed that her lover fell asleep. She lay next to him for a while trying to not to wake him up. Later on she just got up and went to the kitchen to make coffee. She didn't know what kind of coffee he liked though when she made regular black one back in Russia he didn't complain so she prepared it for him. Nathalie made another cup for herself and cut the chocolate cake that she had made in small pieces. She carried the dessert and coffee to the living room where John was still sound asleep. Nathalie set the deliciousness on the coffee table and leaned over MacTavish and said "Morning!" Since it had no effect on him she just squeezed his sides which made him jump up. Nathalie almost started crying from laughter.

"You thought that was funny?" He asked pretending to be mad. "Well, then you might enjoy this." He grabbed her by the waist before she could run away and pulled her onto the couch ruthlessly tickling her. He knew it was her weakness from their first meeting in Russia and she actually started crying from laughter.

"Lieutenant MacTavish, in the name of General Chocolate Cake stop right now!" She screamed when she could barely breathe. "My sides hurt from laughing. Don't do this to me."

"That's my payback. And who in the hell is General Chocolate Cake?"

"That thingy on the table."

MacTavish laughed at her and started eating the cake. Nathalie brushed of the tears and took her coffee. They enjoyed the dessert for a little while up until they heard the fireworks. Nathalie rushed towards the window to watch the beauty in the night's sky. John walked up to her and put his arms around her. "Happy new year." He said and they kissed passionately with their faces lit by the light of the fireworks.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Hello, people! I am back with more chapters of this story. I know, it took me a while to come back and update but I couldn't do anything. Anyway, thank you all for over 1k of views even when I wasn't posting new chapters.

**Disclaimer: Nathalie was a part of terrorist party and Makarov is a terrorist so things are bound to be offensive when talking about it. If you feel offended in any way remember that I warned you.**

* * *

Nathalie and John enjoyed their New Year celebration but by the end of the very first day of the new year they were back at Hereford with their military duties. Nathalie went training with her fng's while John handed in the full list of members of the new team to MacMillan. He was surprised to see both Nathalie's and Jason's names in there but didn't question Lieutenant's decision. After the training Nathalie gathered the whole group and stood in front of them getting ready to say her last words as their leader.

"I am happy to inform you that this was our last training together." She said when they stopped chatting and directed their attention towards her. "Tomorrow at 6am you will have to be ready for training and already waiting by your barracks for Lieutenant MacTavish, the man you saw on your first day here. He will announce who we are taking to our team. Others will have a different leader assigned who will also be introduced to you tomorrow."

All of them had different reactions: some cheered, some were indifferent, others seemed to dislike the change in the leadership.

After that Nathalie walked away with one question "Who is in the new team?" She knew that John and Matt were probably in with her to accompany but she had a bad feeling about her major rival being taken too. It was a quite late evening but the dinner was still being served so Nathalie just walked to mess hall. There were many others still having their meals but since she didn't notice a single familiar face she took her food and settle further away from others. She quietly ate thinking how much her life changed when MacTavish appeared in it. Not only her relationship with her father went from completely negative to somewhat neutral, she found peace and love with John and she finally had her place in the world. It wasn't just about running away from past or running after MacTavish. It was her home, her career, and her future. She couldn't deny that it was filled with both positive and negative people but she had direction and control of what she was doing.

As she noticed some unpleasant faces entering the hall she finished up her food and left avoiding another encounter with Simons. Every time she saw his face Nathalie had that annoying urge to just beat him unconscious. It was rare for someone to get her natural instinct of killing active. She haven't felt bloodthirsty for years after she quit helping her father get rid of the competitors. It wasn't anything fun and she hated herself for every bad thing she did. As she was walking back to the barracks thinking of every person she has ever hurt she saw John standing there waiting for her. Nathalie walked closer and greeted him. "Hey."

"You're in. Congrats." He said dully.

"Thanks." She said and smiled a little. "You seem tired."

"I am. Had a talk with every new member and it exhausted me. Now it's your turn."

"Before we do this talk can I ask you a question?" Since Nathalie didn't receive a direct agreement she tried to be more careful but her sarcastic tone slip past with her words. "Let's say I have a bad feeling that not a really good friend of mine Simons also made it into this team..."

From the stern expression and his hesitation Nathalie got the clue that her assumptions were right. "Are you serious?" She attacked John verbally. "The way he treated me and you give him a chance to be even closer. You give him opportunity to do whatever he wants."

"What I was supposed to do? Let him blackmail you? He's under my command and no sexual harassment will be tolerated. Any opportunity he uses to do anything to you will be reported to MacMillan." John sighed trying to keep calm and lower his tone before half of the base heard him. "He used the incident in your room to get him in this team and his plan is about to backfire. Anything happens you report to me and I report to General, got it? No sorting out relationship behind my back."

"I doubt I will be able to just report it without slitting his throat." She said it through her teeth with disgust and muttered something under her breath in Russian. "My awful terroristic nature is coming out and I might not be able to hold back."

MacTavish shook his head realizing what trouble he got himself into. "Listen, get a hold of yourself. Do not say or do anything unless he starts first and then you might pack a few punches but no more throat cutting and bone breaking."

She nodded. Those were the things she was good at, the ones Makarov's men taught her from very childhood. It was more like a game to them as they didn't expect her to become any good but she overthrew any expectations. The blind belief that it was the right thing to do made her stronger and stronger with every victim. Even then standing next to John she couldn't deny it that despite drowning herself in regrets she could execute those killing techniques with precision and accuracy. Like a professional.

"I won't attack him unless provoked." Nathalie said and looked down to her feet.

"Alright. The training tomorrow starts few minutes after 6 when I gather your trainees. Don't be late." He said and smiled to her before walking away but she didn't notice it. Nathalie was too busy brooding and pitying herself. It was past but it was too damn hard to get over. As she walked back to her room in the barracks dark thoughts and memories clouded her mind. Nathalie didn't even bother changing clothes and just dropped on the bed. The ghosts of her past were there, haunting her, wandering from the first terror act she did to the very last one.

* * *

Natasha Makarova was 11 back when one of the biggest acts occurred in her life. Her father was being promoted and Zakhaev wanted something big to make sure Makarov was serious about this. The plan was simple but as her father told her when they entered the bus they were about to blow up "Simplicity is genius". Young Nathalie didn't doubt it; it was her father after all. Makarov was leading her through the right path and if people deaths were necessary for their success that meant only thing - they had to die. As they were on that bus she put a backpack loaded with explosives under her seat and leaning back to sit up straight she caught a glimpse of a family happily going somewhere. It was parents and their two sons who were no older than her. 'It's your time to die. Your sacrifice will be a great deal to us.' She thought as Vladimir took her hand and dropped another bag on the floor of the bus. They rushed off the bus at the stop and walked down the street to avoid much suspicion before detonating the explosives. Panic flooded the streets with people running around screaming. The cars were crashing trying to avoid the accident. The two of them were the only calm people.

"Can you feel it? Our time to rise to glory has come." Said Makarov staring at the bursting flames around the bus and cars surrounding it.

* * *

Nathalie shivered from the memory that ran through her head. The way her mind was twisted made her sick. 29 people died and 19 more were injured and back then she felt proud of what she did. But that was only the beginning of the big jobs for her. Makarov never thought of stopping when it came to using her.

* * *

It was the year 2004 another terrorism act was completed mainly by her. Makarov kidnapped 15 college students and brought them to an abandoned building where Nathalie and a bunch of her father's men were waiting. They helped to set everything up; the students were tied up to chairs and the tools for the torture were all set up. She was no fan of regular methods like beating up or drowning, her ways were worse; they were disgusting, only a person with a sick and twisted mind could have come up with things like that. Very first student got the so called 'Christ's nailing to the cross' though there wasn't anything Christianity was based on and there was no cross.

Nathalie took a hammer and some nails from the table where all of the tools were set. She walked up to her first victim and kneeled next to his chair. Despite his constant crying and whining she smiled to him and started hammering the nails into his flesh. She began from the hips going down his thighs to the knee. The sound and view was horrifying and so the other students panicked and started begging to stop. Nathalie hated the sound and started screaming at them to shut up. "The one who begs the most is next." She shouted and everyone fell silent with only sobbing to be heard. Once the nailing was done she took a bottle of strong acid and forced him to drink it. Makarov laughed at it. His little killing machine was in all of her glory and he adored her work. So perfect, so loyal, she was the ideal example for others what a true ultranationalist soldier should be. That day she killed five of them with her lovely methods of cutting out pieces of flesh, peeling of the skin, painting on them with acid and many more. Of course Makarov took all of the credit for the work but he was very proud of her.

* * *

Just the thought of what she has done got Nathalie feeling nauseous. She rolled off the bed and took her bag looking for the pills to stop the feeling. Regret flooded her mind and body as she was feeling like a monster. Nathalie dropped onto the floor and started sobbing herself at the thought of the students she tortured. So many times she hated herself and hurt herself for that; she couldn't even count the cuts on her left arm. And the feeling of worthlessness was choking her. Once again she wanted to end her life and stop it all. Stop pitying and hating self; stop the thoughts that she can't change anymore and can't live a better life. Because she knew she could, that's what Nathalie was doing for the past years but breakdowns like that made her weaker and less determined to keep on going. She could have gone to John for comfort but those feelings consumed her and she could barely lift herself of the floor.

Nathalie used all of her strength to get back in the bed but she couldn't fall asleep. The images of her victims flashing in her eyes just drove her mad. For hours she was laying with her eyes open just to calm herself. She stayed up like that until 4am and just couldn't lie in bed anymore. Nathalie got out of bed and left her room. She locked the door and rushed outside the barracks. It was one of her craziest morning runs with a sleepless night she was sprinting instead of regular running. She felt like sprinting out her last amounts of energy in the cold air and dropping unconscious just not to think about the bad things she did. When she was already breathing heavily Nathalie slowed down to a simple jog. She still had enough energy left and couldn't call in sick for the training so she got back to the barracks, got her some clean clothes and walked to the showers. It was still early and no one was around; she could feel safe that no one will disturb her. Nathalie put her long hair in a bun and stripped all of the dirty and sweaty clothes she was wearing.

After a long hot shower washing off the sweat and layers of dead skin she shut off hot water leaving her standing in freezing cold shower. She put her hands on the wall trying to containing herself from screaming. For a minute there her body felt some serious shock but soon it acclimated and Nathalie stepped out. She quickly dried off her skin from the droplets of water and started putting on clothes. She tried to hurry as she heard voices outside the shower room. As she pulled up her pants doors opened revealing her standing with only her bra covering top part of her body. Couple of soldiers walked inside; Jason and Matt were among them.

"Morning, Silver." Said Matt and walked a little closer setting his things on the bench. "And holy crap, are those all battle scars?"

Other soldiers settled a little further but they all caught a glimpse of her scarred body. Not only the battle scars on her back, torso, and arms but also those that she inflicted on herself. Simons of course didn't miss a chance to make fun of her.

"Are those even really from battle? She probably just did it all to herself hoping others would find it all impressive."

The emotions she was trying to get rid of flooded her again and Nathalie didn't hold back. She pulled a tshirt over her head and turned to face Jason. "Why do you open your mouth so much? Even when you don't know what you are talking about you let those words flow out." She took a few steps closer to him. Her eyes were a little red and eyelids darkened from the sleepless night. The look on her face was full of rage and it was very intimidating. "You think it's hilarious to make fun of people, of their pain and the things they lived through. You think that it makes you better than others but that's not true. You're weak, Simons." She took few more steps towards him. Nathalie was shorter than him but the way she was moving scared others. She was floating through the air like a predator creeping onto the prey. "The fact that you need to bring others down to feel better about yourself makes you worthless because you see, if you had any kind of worth there would be no need to try and be noticed." Once she was close enough to feel his breath on her face she smiled. "Step up your game."

"If you didn't notice it's not a game. We aren't in a play room, it's a military base, darling." He answered basically missing the whole point of her speech.

"Then why are you playing?" She continued smiling but soon turned away and walked back to her things. Nathalie put on a jacket and collected her old clothes. Others were a little uncomfortable from the whole act so she left the shower room and walked back to the barracks.

"What a fucking bitch." Mumbled Simons taking off his tshirt. He shook his head thinking of her words. They cut him deep because he knew there was truth in them but the way his life went and how he turned out to me couldn't care less about others.

Nathalie who was back in her room threw her dirty clothes into a pile and was about to leave barracks again but she was pulled in a different room. Nathalie felt a little surprised but when she saw John putting his arms around her she calmed down.

"Morning, beautiful." He said as he leaned in to kiss her. She closed the distance between them and put her arms around his neck. John held her close and when they broke the kiss apart said "I was a little harsh yesterday, I'm sorry. I was really tired."

"It's ok. Just don't go too hard on me during the training. I don't feel well." She whispered and leaned onto his shoulder.

"You know I can't do it." He said and nuzzled up to her.

"I know. I'll just have to survive somehow." She muttered and pulled away.

"I am going to pick the new guys now. I'll see you in a bit." He said and kissed her again before they walked out of the barracks.

Nathalie stood there watching John walk off to the other barracks where her trainees were. The weather was chilly and helped her stay conscious after a sleepless and full of nightmares night. It didn't take too long for the rest of the team to show up including Simons who had a mocking smile on his face. Matt wanted to say something but Nathalie shook her head. They all stood there in an uneasy silence waiting for Lieutenant MacTavish to show up with the newbies. He came back with five of them soon enough for Nathalie and Jason not to get into another fight. When John was close he could feel the intensity between the two of them. "Let's go." He said before walking to the direction of the training grounds. When the whole team moved a small chatter appeared between the soldiers and it made everyone feel better.


	20. Chapter 20

Two weeks of very difficult and tiring training passed in which Nathalie and Jason managed to fight twenty times. They were mostly just arguing a lot but they used their knuckles a couple of times. It wasn't anything serious and only left some bruises but it bothered others. If they didn't interfere they would have injured one another really seriously. The teamwork wasn't blooming between the two of them and there was no way to make them cooperate by force. Or so everyone thought but MacTavish came up with an idea to put both of them through hell and make sure they at least can stand one another.

It already became as a habit for everyone to gather up by the barracks every morning. Usually there was a small chatter between them before their leader shown up. That day he had a very bad idea and hated that he had to put Nathalie through something like that. John stood up straight in front of them and their voices died down momentarily. He cleared his throat and began speaking.

"We have a mission coming up. It's not really much of a mission more like a preparation for a real mission though I asked for a special exception from General." He sighed at the thing he was about to announce but it was his job and so he continued. "I asked him to let me leave two of our members here at the base during the time of the mission. I am sure everyone knows who the two of them are; Silver and Simons come over here."

Nathalie groaned and didn't even try to hide the fact that she wasn't happy about the situation. As she stepped forward Jason followed her with annoyed expression. They didn't know in what kind of deep shit they got themselves into but a bad feeling went right through their bodies. They were being left behind.

"As much as I dislike doing this it's all for the sake of the team. From now on you two are to stay together at all times. If one goes somewhere another has to come too with only few exceptions when going to showers or bathrooms and when staying at your room. At any other time if certain people notice you two not together they will tell me and you will receive a penalty and wont go to other missions which might result in being removed from this team overall." John kept talking only to the two of them. He noticed the glare from Nathalie. Not the playful one when they were talking about things that she disliked; it looked like her face was covered with rage, rage that could fuel her to kill hundreds maybe thousands of people and it honestly scared MacTavish. Nathalie told him that whatever happened in past was wrong and she wanted to never live through everything or do anything like that but he felt like whatever she did or were before was still inside there and could've come out at any time.

"The rest of you..." he said and walked closer to others leaving Nathalie and Jason behind. "Follow me to briefing." The whole group walked off with MacTavish in front. Nathalie didn't even turn to face them as they were leaving where Simons just looked at them for a while before getting his attention to Silver. "It's all because of you, you bitch."

"Look who's talking, you fuckface."

And so their little curse off continued for a couple of minutes until they ran out of clever ways to insult one another and they stood there silently hating each other. They couldn't go anywhere separately and none of them wanted to make the first step. Jason sighed still feeling like mocking her to death so he said "You really hate me that much?"

"You really like asking stupid questions?" She countered lifting her eyes from scenery of military base up to him. "I have beaten you up multiple times and almost choked you to death. This should answer your question."

"I thought you just didn't know how to express your feelings to me or maybe you like it rough." Simons continued mocking her.

"That's so nasty." She shook her head at his words. Nathalie wasn't very experienced with the 'love thing' and how Jason talked about it so casually disturbed her. Before she met John her whole life consisted of mostly fighting and saving others. The cute and fluffy feelings didn't exist and at the moment she was just learning about them and about the relationships themselves. Whatever Simons was talking about was too much for her and she didn't want to listen to him at all. "Just shut up. I hate the fact I am stuck with you for the next week."

"I think it's going to be two weeks. On purpose, you know, just to piss us off. Fucking prick. He had to do it, didn't he?"

Nathalie shook her head again at the thought of John torturing them on purpose. She realized that for the first time Simons' words made sense. MacTavish did it on purpose; he came up with this idea and asked MacMillan to allow it. Nathalie groaned and crossed her arms turning to face Jason. "Now what?"

Simons smiled wide when he offered "How about we go watch TV or something? There's a football match I want to see."

"I like football but we should be training. Just because we are not on a mission doesn't mean we should slack off." She refused his offer a little too casually as she thought. Her voice didn't sound angry and she didn't call him names.

"No way. Football. Now." Jason said and before she could protest again he grabbed her legs and picked her up over his shoulder. Nathalie freaked out realizing what he was doing so she started screaming, kicking and punching him. "Put me down you son of a bitch."

As he started carrying her towards the room for leisure where everyone gathered to watch TV he tried to calm her down. It wasn't successful so he threatened her "If you don't stop struggling I won't be able to hold you and drop you on your head. We won't have much use of you if you become a vegetable."

Nathalie wriggled a little bit before giving in. The trip wasn't long and he set her down by the door of the leisure room which entrance was from outside unlike other places which had entrances from hallways inside. When she was finally on the ground she noticed his regular mocking smile. Nathalie sighed and asked "What do you have in mind this time?"

"I had a really nice view of your ass. I'm very grateful for you letting me enjoy that sighting." He laughed and Nathalie punched his side. She wanted to say she would report it to MacMillan but before she could even say the sentence Simons put his hand over her mouth and said "You don't need to report anything. I'm just casually flirting with you. Now let's go watch the match."

Nathalie rolled her eyes and followed Jason inside. There were bunch of soldiers watching some kind of movie that Nathalie have never seen before. On the couch in front of TV sat a few soldiers but Simons didn't give two shits about it. He kicked one of them to the boot and said "Make room for two." They didn't seem content with that but Jason was known for his actions and rarely anyone of lower rank dared to object. Two of soldiers stood up and walked to take chairs for sitting. Simons dropped down on the couch and winked at Nathalie. "A place for our lovely lady to sit."

"That wasn't very nice." She said sitting down next to him. Jason was between her and another soldier who was holding the remote from the TV. He chuckled and said "I didn't think you were so concerned about being nice."

"I'm not." She mumbled trying to get more comfortable.

"Good." He smiled and snatched the remote from the other soldier. As he switched the channels everyone in the room protested. Nathalie looked around the room to check if there weren't any soldiers that had higher rank than her and new friend she was stuck with. "Listen here you little shits, we're here to act like assholes and watch football and we're not done with any of those so shut the fuck up."

"What a confident bitch. We came here first." Someone out of the soldiers said.

"Don't you dare calling her a bitch. I'm the only one who is allowed to be mean to her, alright?" Simons attacked that guy who was complaining. "And now that you already came why don't you go clean up your pants."

Nathalie shook her head in disgust. She couldn't understand how he was so comfortable saying things like that. As she was staring at him Jason turned around to her and they both said at the same time "I still hate you."

Nathalie shrugged and nodded at the thought. They were cooperating even though they hated each other more than anything.

* * *

A week passed fairly quickly for Nathalie in company of Simons even though they were mostly fighting and arguing, constantly mocking each other and casually punching or pinching. Their relationship wasn't getting any better that it was before though they were more willing to cooperate. Even then she was ready to cut his throat if anyone gave her the chance to and made sure there were no consequences.

It was the last evening of their torture or at least she hoped. Nathalie sat quietly on her bed flipping through the pages of her mother's diary. Her mother's memories soothed her, they were always full of warmth and happiness, it was always something her life lacked. She found one of the pages that she loved reading so much.

It was the most wonderful birthday from all I have ever had. I woke up warm in my bed with Terry lying beside me. Vladimir wasn't in the bed anymore but when I looked around the room to see it was filled with various bouquets of flowers. They were everywhere! On the ground, our nightstands, on top of the wardrobe and you could hardly move around. The smell was amazing. When I managed to move all of the vases to get out of the room I walked downstairs to see my little angel in a cute dress and her beautiful dark hair braided into two beautiful braids. She came running towards me with her hands reaching out a little picture that she have drawn for me. Then she pulled me outside where a nice table was set up with breakfast. I would have never thought that he could put so much effort into things like this. He made breakfast, dressed Nathalie and even braided her hair, he got all of the flowers to make it all special and even cleaned the whole house so I don't have to. I know I am repeating myself but it felt so amazing. When I was eating my breakfast little angel was running around the yard with the dog. Vladimir was sitting right next to me holding his arms around me and when our little angel fell while chasing the dog he hurried to pick her up so I wouldn't have to worry. She scraped her knee so he took care of the wound and kissed her forehead. It warmed my heart seeing the two of them smiling one at another. I've spent the rest of the day enjoying myself. I took a long relaxing bath and read some books. Vladimir got me all of the clothes and shoes I wanted for a long time and he prepared a fancy dinner after which I went for a long walk in the nearby woods. When I came back I found him lying on the couch in the living room with Nathalie curled up on his chest. Vladimir have put a blanket over her and wrapped his arms around her. She was sleeping so peacefully and her father was smiling so gently to me. The sight was priceless to me. I have never felt happier than seeing the two of them like that.

Nathalie's reading was interrupted by a knock on the door. She sighed thinking that it was Simons and kept her mouth shut hoping he would go away. They had an agreement that it was their day off and they wouldn't have to see each other. She was getting sick and tired of being with him all the time. When Nathalie heard another knock she let out a groan and said "Go away. I am not going anywhere with you."

Then the door opened and she saw John peak in. She smiled a little when he came inside and closed the door behind him. "I don't think I was asking you to go anywhere with me." He said and walked over to the bed. She shook her head and made some space for John to sit down. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. "Everything's well?"

"It's okay." She smiled. "I didn't kill him and no one caught us sneaking into the mess hall at 3 am so you could say everything went well." Nathalie made a little pause and took his hand intervening their fingers. "I am still mad at you for doing this."

"I hated the idea myself but MacMillan wanted me to do something about the two of you." He sat closer to Nathalie and looked at their hands so close together. "We have another mission next week and I need you two to behave."

Nathalie nodded and looked at him. His manly frame looked tough and brute but he was so gentle and careful with her with a few exceptions when they were training or fighting. Even then her swiftness had an advantage over his strength. Though when it was only the two of them they shared their feelings instead of punches.

"Mind if I finish reading?" She asked him getting a better grip on the book. There were only a couple sentences left and she wanted John to hear those words that her mother wrote about her father. He nodded and Nathalie began reading.

The love that he possesses for her amazes me, it's so pure and seemingly endless. I sometimes doubt that as her mother I have the heart to love her as much. My only wish is that he never loses her trust and she gets all of the love she deserves.


	21. Chapter 21

I will skin you...

Burning sensation covered Nathalie's skin as if someone was ripping pieces of her flesh. Her breathing got more often as she was drowning in the dark listening to an unknown voice threatening to skin her. Soon the voice changed along with the threat.

This time you will burn alive...

She began choking as the smoke filled her lungs. The crisp smell of burning wood and flesh tingled her nose and the sensation of heat around her started to rise. Nathalie couldn't understand where or who was keeping her and what was happening to her.

Burn. Burn in hell...

Someone cursed her in complete fury. The fire covered her whole body. She was shivering at the thought of death that she craved so many times in the past. Not this time, life was finally good for her. She frantically tried to escape whatever the place she was trapped in until she hit the cold ground of her room in the barracks. Nathalie shook her head to regain the consciousness. It was a dream; a nightmare so vivid it frightened her. She took a few deep breaths to calm down and to slower her rapid heartbeat. Carefully she stood up and regained her posture. There was no trace of pain anywhere in her body but she still checked her skin and limbs for any wounds. The only thing she saw was all of her old scars.

Nathalie sighed and looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was almost time to get ready for the mission. She dressed up, put on a holster with her mother's revolver, and walked out of the barracks holding her hands in the pockets. Cold air of the morning made her feel better and she decided to stay outside and relax, it was the first serious mission in a couple of years for her. Before being a field medic she didn't have as many responsibilities, it was all different then. As she was waiting for the calm feeling to settle down in her body Simons walked out of the barracks and lit up a cigarette. He reached out the whole pack for her and after thinking for a little bit she took one and he lit it up for her. They stood there in silence casually breathing out the smoke which reminded her about the dream and she shivered. Simons was surprisingly silent depending on his usual mocking. When they finished their cigarettes without saying a word they walked to the armoury to get ready. Nathalie put on body armour and additional equipment for the mission. Once she was done checking if everything she needed for a mission was there she looked at Jason who was also fully equipped. He still didn't say a word since they left the barracks and Nathalie was waiting for a big bomb to be dropped by him but all he did was hand her a rifle she picked out. She took the rifle and nodded to him. He nodded back and they walked outside to see more team members coming in to get their equipment. The two of them were ready and went to the meeting place. In 10 minutes all of the team that was going gathered and they boarded the helicopter.

During the flight Nathalie was thinking about the mission. They were going to the southern part of Russia to hunt down one of the men that were working and making deals with Imran Zakhaev. Since the man was killed all of his suppliers were looking for new people to work with and this fellow named Arseniy was one that was noticed dealing weapons and drugs that were later sold all over Europe and Middle East. Nathalie also knew that her father who was taking over the Zakhaev's position is cutting off all of the loose ends and the man Arseniy received an ultimatum to either deal weapons to Makarov for the lowest prices in black market or to pay with his life for ultranationalist betrayal. It was the best option for them to get there as Arseniy was making his last deal and getting away from Russia as far as possible.

When the heli landed they hopped off to see a thick forest that surrounded the hills and plains. It wasn't the warmest day even at the south of the Russian lands because they were near to mountains. Lieutenant led the team East to the outskirts of the forest towards a small village where the man Arseniy was holding weapons for his last deal. The intel they had on him indicated that he was lacking men to cover his ass since there was no clear authority and everyone ran of to the ones who pay more. As they were closing in on the village and it was already visible through the trees MacTavish stopped the group and explained the plan of actions. "Silver, you go forward to a lookout. Take one of the men with you. If you hear or see anything tell us through the comms."

Nathalie nodded and stood up from the crouching position everyone were in. She lifted her rifle and prepared for moving. "Newman, with me." She commanded and Matt followed her actions also getting up to standing position and readying his weapon. As John nodded at them Nathalie led the way through last metres of forest.

"The rest of us are going after to attack after their look out and once they are ready to attack we sweep through each house from the bottom to the top floors in groups of two or three. Priority is to take the man alive."

Once everyone nodded understanding the course of actions they moved up following their leader. As they reached the end of the forest they stopped waiting for a sign from Silver. The windows were all sealed shut and there was no way to peek inside there also weren't any patrols throughout the village which seemed suspicious.

"We are in position to enter the house. Move up." They heard Nathalie's voice through the comms and everyone moved up to the nearest houses.

"Attack in 3... 2... 1..." Sounded MacTavish and they stormed the houses simultaneously.

Nathalie and Matt walked inside the house and met no resistance. They walked throughout the first floor and Silver shook her head as it seemed suspicious. "Basement or upper floor. Your call." She said to Newman covering his back. He went down the stairs and she followed him looking up to their backs in case anyone came from behind. As they set their feet at the basement floor that was dimly lit by only one light bulb Nathalie noticed movement in the doorway to another room and pushed Matt to cover. That's when enemy bullets started flying towards them. Silver moved towards the other Sergeant in the cover and whispered "Do you see them?"

"I can't see shit." She heard the response from Matt and leaned over the side of cover to return fire. "When I say you run back up the stairs." She pulled the trigger and shouted "Now!"

Matt stumbled over his feet in the dark but managed to keep his balance and rushed back up the stairs. Nathalie pulled out a pin of a grenade and rolled it in the direction of enemies hurrying up the stairs before it blew up in her face. Up the stairs she noticed that the enemies were rushing down the stairs from upper floor and Matt had trouble fighting them off. They soon rounded them but Nathalie was taught to never give up and made sure that the skills she had were used properly.

Newman was crouching behind a couch taking out the targets at the front and had little to none cover from his right where was a door to another room that enemies managed to reach going to the other side from the stairs. Once an enemy was close enough she hit him in the face with the other end of her rifle. Nathalie kicked him out of the way and pulled out a knife that she jammed into another enemies throat as she was pulling it out a different man came up to her and stabbed her hip. She wasn't fast enough to block his attack and his knife was deep in her side but Nathalie did manage to hit his temple with knife's handle and she sent him flying down to the floor. She couldn't let him go like that so she dropped down and put her knee to his throat choking him. As she heard a flashbang go off at the room Matt was in and amount of footsteps was quite bigger than the amount of enemies the have taken out Nathalie contacted others through the coms. "We were ambushed. Look out for large groups of enemies." She sighed as in her sight came another enemy and she threw a knife straight to his chest. "I don't think we'll make it."

Silver pulled out her mother's revolver and was about to shoot another enemy she felt a pistol barrel press to the back of her neck. "Drop it." Said the voice and she lifted her hands up. Whoever was holding the pistol ripped out her earpiece before she could hear any response from MacTavish. "On your feet." Commanded a man with thick Russian accent.

Meanwhile John with the team was moving towards the house that was more to the left. Simons got one of the enemies and forced Arseniy's location out of him. Most of the fences between the houses were broken so they didn't have much trouble moving up. Once they heard Nathalie's words everyone tried to catch her signal. "Anyone hear them?" He asked clearly worried. "Negative." He heard the response from Simons.

They gathered up at the house where Arseniy was hiding. It didn't take them a minute to clear the house and capture the man when they moved around as a team. The team was standing around the Arseniy who was on his knees pleading "Proshu neubivayte. Otpustite menya." (Please don't kill me. Let me go.). John pulled him up on the feet and aimed a pistol at his head. "English. Where are our teammates?"

"You're not his men. I am a lucky man. He shoot me on sight." Blabbered Arseniy in broken English. Before John could say anything else another message came into the comms.

"Hello." Sounded the voice of a man other than Matt's. "Am I talking to the leader of these two soldiers?"

John stayed silent and nodded for someone to tie Arseniy up. Simons took the pleasure and tied his arms with a rope and stuck the duct tape that he found in the room over his mouth.

"Don't want to speak? Well I guess this charming lady and not so charming man will be disappointed knowing you won't even try to save them. In case you change your mind we will be by the barn to do an exchange. Bring us our friend Arseniy to settle the deal."

* * *

When MacTavish and the team moved in closer dragging Arseniy along them noticed a group of enemies waiting for them. Nathalie and Matt were tied up with their equipment and armour stripped down and looked like they took quite the beating. John also noticed that her side was all covered in blood. There was a man with a pistol standing in front of them with a cocky smile. There were more soldiers behind the barn and next to a heli with a running engine waiting to extract their leader.

"Finally. We almost thought you wouldn't show up." He mocked the Lieutenant that was leading the group. "I can say your girl has quite the skills. She almost beat me up trying to resist the arrest. Anyway, the exchange. You give me my friend - I give you your friend. Now which one do you take?"

"What do you mean which one?" Said John angrily as he took a step forward.

"We do an exchange one on one; that's the rate. If you think I will give you more than you give me then you are wrong." The unknown man said and pointed his weapon back and forth from Nathalie to Matt. "Now pick one."

Before MacTavish could say anything Nathalie shouted out. "Take Matt. Take him and get out. Do it!"

The man smacked her with the pistol in his hand and said "Now your attitude is very annoying. Take her to the helicopter." Before he turned around and his men could take Nathalie away she regained her posture and spit her blood all over his face. "Tie her up really well." He said as his men dragged her away. "Gni v adu." (Rot in hell) screamed Nathalie from the top of her lungs.

Her teammates tensed up from this encounter. They tightened their grip on the weapons and some got ready to fight in case it got nasty. The enemies did the same but their leader stepped in the front taking Matt with him. "Let's do this nicely." He said and sent Matt forward. John pushed Arseniy towards the enemies and when Matt was close enough he picked up his rifle and shot the man they were after from the beginning of the mission right through the head. The enemy leader sprinted back to the barn and towards the helicopted. MacTavish tried to hit him but unsuccessfully. A gunfight fired up between the two opposing sides and the British forces were victorious with only Matt injured since he couldn't fight with his arms tied up but by the time they were done the helicopter already took off with Nathalie on board.

* * *

Silver regained her consciousness in a room tied up to a chair tightly. She could feel that there was a lack of blood flow in her feet because of the rope tightness. Before they brought to the room she was in they have beaten her up even more. Almost all of her skin was either bruised or swollen and the bleeding of the stab wound they stopped at the heli started again. She was tired but still very angry and sarcastic. Nathalie didn't have to wait for a long time for the man that led the attack against her and Matt showed up.

"Here is the star of the evening. Quite the show you put up for us." He joked.

"I have another thing that I can put up. Do you know what that is? No? That's my foot and I will put it up your fucking ass." She said and received another series of punches to the face. He grabbed her by the chin and looked her in the eyes trying to intimidate her. To a regular man he might seem scary but it was Nathalie, the things she lived through made it seem like a joke and so she made a joke out of him. "Don't keep your face so close to my temptation. I might start spitting blood again."

He slapped her and said "Shut up. You are a thing here not a person. You're nothing so act like you know your place."

"Too bad you don't know who my father is." She said and started laughing which caused her to cough out blood.

"I don't care who your father is. He won't scare me."

"You should care who her father is because when I tell you who he is, you will be scared." Said another man who just stepped through the door.


	22. Chapter 22

"You should care who her father is because when I tell you who he is, you will be scared." Said another man who just stepped through the door.

"I doubt it. Do you know him? Are you scared of him yourself?" Asked the man who was beating Nathalie up.

"Oh, I do know him very well." He made a little pause to look at Nathalie. "I am not scared of him myself because you see, I am him and you have just beaten up my daughter."

"Dad." Nathalie screeched like a little girl moving in her seat. It was uncomfortable and she was losing the feeling of her limbs.

"You better be scared because I will let you live. I'll let you live waiting for the moment she will come over to get her payback." Said Makarov and walked up to his daughter. He cut off the ropes and freed her from the chair. Makarov carefully stroked her cheek not to cause her any more pain that that bastard already inflicted on her. "How are you feeling, my angel?"

"Weak." She said feeling the blackness creeping onto her consciousness. Nathalie reached out her hand towards her father but dropped it because she could hardly keep herself awake; the last beating kicked all of the wind that she had left. Makarov gently put one of his arms around her waist and the other one beneath her legs and gently picked her up.

"Boss..."

"I'm not your boss. It was a trial and after seeing what you did to a girl, a young beautiful woman just because she hurt your pride I won't be hiring you." Makarov said angrily with his daughter in his arms. She was paler than ever and her eyes were slowly closing as she lost her consciousness. "For every hour it takes her to recover you will spend a day starving closed up in this same room." Makarov didn't even want to look at the man that caused so much pain to his little girl, to his angel. He carried his daughter like she was some kind of treasure out of the room and commanded his men to lock him up. Makarov laid her down on the table in the kitchen that this bastards safe house had. He poured the vodka he found on the counter over the stab wound to clean it up from any infection that she could have caught. She groaned at the sensation but it was a weak one and she fell silent seconds later. Makarov's men prepared a ton of towels to stop the bleeding and a medic kit to close the wound. He pressed the towels to the wound and kept the pressure until the bleeding slowed down and then tried to stich it up. He didn't have the medical education like his daughter and last time he had to do it was back at the days of his Spetsnaz service. He finished up his work and bandaged the wound that had finally stopped bleeding. Makarov picked her up again and walked out of the house. He commanded one of his men to hold the safe house until the later notice and walked up to the heli that he used to get there. He set his daughter in one of the seats and sat down right next to her. "Take us back." Vladimir said to the pilot. "We are going back home, my darling."

* * *

Nathalie woke up in a very warm and soft bed and when she opened her eyes she saw the room that she called her own in the childhood. Gentle smile lit up her face when she realized that her father kept the promise of keeping her safe even if her attacker wasn't his enemy. She shifted her weight and tried to get out of bed but sudden pain pierced her side. Nathalie remembered the events of the last day and lifted her shirt to see that her wound was all patched up. She lifted herself off the bed and walked to the door. Her body felt very heavy and sore but she continued to walk outside of the room and down the stairs.

"Father..." she called out carefully taking small steps to the ground floor. It was difficult for her to keep her balance and she stumbled but a pair of strong arms caught her before she fell. Nathalie set her feet straight up at one of the steps and turned around to see a friendly face. "Yuri!" She called out his name and smiled.

"How are you feeling, Natalya?" He asked still keeping his arm around her waist in case she had trouble staying on her feet.

"I am happy just a little tired and hurt." She replied and with his help finished the couple of steps that were left to the end of the stairs. "Where is my father?" Nathalie asked and walked to the living room. She settled down on the couch and pulled a blanket over herself.

"He's outside I think. You want me to look for him?"

Nathalie shook her head and smiled. She knew she was stuck in there until she fully recovers and there was plenty of time that she could spend with him. The only problem that she saw was a way back to United Kingdom. They had to come up with a convincing story of how she saved herself or ran away from the attackers. It was a big concern for her but the first priority was to heal and recover.

"Good morning." She heard a voice that she recognized with ease. It was her father who had just entered the house. Nathalie waited patiently for him to notice her presence. Makarov talked with someone else before walking up to the stairs. At that moment he noticed his little sunshine sitting on the couch in the living room. "Nathalie." He changing direction and walking up to her. Vladimir sat down next to her. "How are you? How's life in your mother's homeland? Tell me everything. I missed you so much."

"I am well, father. Everything was going great except for the part where I was kidnapped at my first day at the field." She laughed and took her father's hand. Nathalie hated him. Her heart was filled with void and pain that he set in there. There was no denial that she would never be the person she was before nor their relationship will ever be like her mother described in her diary. Despite it she did her best to accept her father's attempts to make it up to her. "I was happy to finally be there where I belonged."

"I am happy that you are happy." He said and gently stroked her hand. It was the first time in long years that she with her own will touched him. For all those years she resisted him, didn't even want to be in one room with him and did all she could to never see him again. "You know that I wish all the best to you." He said looking at her eyes that were just like his; just as beautiful and charming.

"I know." Nathalie whispered and smiled to her father.

* * *

"Do you know where they could have taken her?"

"No idea, sir." Said MacTavish looking at his superior. Frustration was written all over his face. He blamed himself for what happened since he was the one who sent her forward. She was skilled and truly amazing in combat but he believed he overestimated her ability but truth was it wasn't his fault at all. The Intel was off and she encountered an enemy that wasn't supposed to be there.

"Well, I will ask our friends in Russia to look out for any information about her. She knows the place better than anyone else, Lieutenant. I am sure Sergeant Silver will be fine." Assured MacMillan seeing John's concern. He didn't like the fact that this Lieutenant had feelings for his subordinate but he couldn't do anything about it. Both of them were damn good soldiers and a transfer wasn't an option but at the moment that wasn't the biggest issue. Getting her back was and neither of them had any ideas on how to do it.

"Don't overthink it, MacTavish." Said MacMillan before dismissing Lieutenant.

When John walked outside General's office he saw some kind of ruckus happening by the barracks. When he got closer he saw Jason being held back by two others one of which was a newbie Simon Riley. "It's because you're useless!" Echoed Jason's words that were directed to Matt.

"What is happening in here?" Asked MacTavish when he was close enough to observe the whole situation.

"Simons is picking on Newman, sir." Said Riley trying to hold Jason back.

"It is his fault she is not with us." Mumbled Jason pulling away from soldiers that were holding him. MacTavish understood who he was talking about and it surprised him. Simons hated her and did all the worst that was possible to do. It seemed off to hear such words from him and even worse to understand their meaning. Nathalie wasn't there, she was gone somewhere and she was wounded. The thought made John's heart sink.

"I thought you hated her more than anything." Shouted Matt back at him. "Why do you even care now?"

"It's because you are weak piece of shit who needs protection from simple mocking." Said Jason frustrated. "She stood her ground, she was fighting back, she didn't need any of you to protect her." At the last of his words he looked at MacTavish thinking of the time when Lieutenant stopped her from beating his ass up. She really didn't need anyone to protect her; Nathalie needed people to protect others from her.

"Quit it." Said John with sour expression. "Fighting won't help us." He sighed watching everyone lose the tension and relax a little bit. MacTavish was the one who had to take the responsibility for the team and he did it like he meant it. Despite managing to take care of others he couldn't control himself. The feelings were boiling inside of him and he couldn't stop them.

"Yeah, whatever." Said Jason and flipped Matt off before walking away from the rest of the group. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it up thinking about it all. He didn't like Nathalie the slightest, he used and abused her and she did the same to him as a payback, but he couldn't understand why was he feeling so bitter about her missing. "This is fucking stupid." He mumbled under his breath.

Matt looked at him walking away. He knew he wasn't as good as her and didn't deny it but he did help Nathalie fight off the enemies. Matt knew he fucked up big time when he didn't fight back when they were captured. She was going wild and putting the enemies through hell as they were trying to stop her. He knew he had to be better for the next time. Despite it he couldn't understand why Simons cared about it so much. "What has gotten into him?"

"Love, maybe?" Said Riley and everyone fell into a friendly laughter.

* * *

A couple of days later Nathalie was already feeling well enough for exercise and went for her morning run in the woods nearby. She tried not to push herself too much not to pop the stiches of the stab wound. There was some snow as it still was winter though Nathalie enjoyed the sensation of Russian winter. The wind settled down and she simply jogged through fresh and a little chilly air. When she was going down the road home she turned around to look back at the scenery. Nathalie smiled at the plains and woods that brought back memories; some good memories even though it was unusual since her head was stuffed with all the awful things she did.

Nathalie stood there for a couple of minutes just enjoying the sight before she turned back and went back. When she walked through the door she felt a really nice smell of chocolate and coffee. She smiled at the thought of her father cooking breakfast for her. The whole image of him standing between the counters in his regular classy suit looked funny. Nathalie walked to the kitchen and saw just what she thought; her father was making pancakes with chocolate and was pouring the mixture in to the pan. Makarov was in a suit but had taken off the jacket which left him with a shirt. Nathalie giggled and walked up to her father. "Morning, father."

"Good morning. I hope you're hungry and I didn't do it all in vain." He said turning from the counter. Vladimir put his arm around his daughter's shoulders and put a small kiss on her cheek. "I haven't cooked anything like this from your childhood.

She smiled to him and said. "Don't worry, I am hungry. I'm going to have a quick shower and come back to see how bad your cooking skills are."

Makarov shook his head at his daughters mocking and let her go to get a shower. Nathalie ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her room for clean clothes. She went to the bathroom and hopped into the shower where she saw all of her scars so clearly. She stood there for a minute thinking of how she got them. Many older ones were barely visible and her body looked better than before. Not wanting to pity herself for her body's condition she finished washing herself and got out of the shower. Quickly she wiped off the water from her body and got dressed. Before walking out of the bathroom she stopped to look in the mirror. Nathalie smiled to her reflection that she found pretty and charming, it was something she couldn't see in herself before but the good changes in her life brought that inner light out.

Down at the kitchen Makarov was already waiting for her at the table with the food served with her favourite coffee. She sat down next to her father and noticed a folder with a nice amount of pages right beside her father's plate. Nathalie took her cup of coffee thinking of whatever lied in that folder. Her thoughts wandered around the information about her and the connection with him in which case he could easily destroy any kind of hope for life in UK. He could have thought of blackmailing her into doing something. Makarov was that kind of man who could've done something like that even to his daughter.

"I see you noticed it." Said Vladimir and put his hand over the folder. Nathalie didn't respond to him. Her heart was beating so fast at the thought of losing everything once again. Makarov laughed at his daughter's concerned face. "I have to ask you for a favour... Well, more like an offer for a job since you are getting paid for it."

"A job?"

"Yes, I want to hire you as an armed gun." Makarov made a little pause and took a sip of his own coffee. "There are the files of men who do not want to cooperate with a new ultranationalist leader and I need to show them that it's a wrong choice."

"You want me to torture them?" She asked disgusted with the thought of torturing anyone as the images of past flashed in her mind. The cries and begs of her victims when she was destroying them piece by piece. Only thinking about it sent a shiver down her spine.

"Not necessary. I just want you to track them down and kill them. I want the Karma back in the fight."

"Karma..." Nathalie whispered. It was her old call sign. Makarov's men called her that because she would always come for the payback for every bad thing anyone did to her. She remembered every slightest detail, every bad word or look. It stuck to her also in the service in Russian military. No one dared to mess with Karma because anyone who did ended up in far worse situation than her. She didn't really want to be that person anymore though she liked the name.

"In addition to that you can easily justify yourself back in your current service."

"What do you mean by that?" Asked Nathalie brought back to reality by the mention of her service.

"You found these files in the safe house of that moron Ilya and looked for clues about them. You found the connection and decided to take them out. Your team is after the ones who helped our cause before and then maybe..."

"Then maybe our paths will cross again." Nathalie nodded. That was one good plan which helped her father, her team and her. She was happy to finally have a choice of her own. Of course she her father wouldn't have liked if she disagreed with the plan and didn't accept the job but there was no obvious reason why she shouldn't have.

"I will do it. I'll be the Karma once again." She said and smiled.

"Excellent. Now let's eat before it gets cold." Said Vladimir and began eating.

"It's good." Nathalie nodded after taking a bite. "Just don't let your soldiers see you cooking, they might not take you as serious if they do."


	23. Chapter 23

Nathalie spent two weeks at her father's house before planning to go take her revenge on Ilya and off to the hunt for other ultranationalist supporters. Most of the time she trained with Makarov's men building up her strength to be just as strong as when she was working for her father many years ago. It took her a lot of passion and determination to get back to that same level of strength to be able to fight off 6 of his men in a hand to hand combat at the same time. None of them dared to mock her anymore; everyone saw that Karma was back just by looking her in the eyes.

One time Makarov came over to watch them training and Viktor called him out to fight Nathalie. Everyone wanted to see two of the strongest and most ruthless soldiers ever battle one with another. Vladimir joked that Natalya was better than him as the student always grow to be better than the teachers though it was a close match. As her father he could read her movements very closely and she needed to pick up her attack speed but even then she had a great defence that Makarov couldn't break through. It was a long and exhausting fight but Nathalie managed to win. Everyone were impressed with their skills even more than before.

When she decided it was finally time to leave for the hunt her father asked her to meet her in the basement. Nathalie put on her uniform that was still soaked with her blood and had a hole from the stab. She put on all of the equipment that Ilya had stolen from her at the moment of the attack good thing was that Makarov managed to get it back for her. When she was ready for the beginning of her journey she took the stairs down to the basement. Her father was already waiting for her with all sorts of things spread out on the table for his next mission in addition to all the things he had for her mission.

"What's going on?" She asked when she walked close to the table.

"I thought that your birthday was quite soon and got you an early birthday present." Said Makarov and opened a huge weapon case to reveal a brand new AS50 sniper rifle. Nathalie's mouth opened at the sight of the black beauty. Her father took the rifle out of the case and handed it to her. "I thought it was a really nice addition to your growing collection. It's brand new and custom made just for you."

"This is amazing." She said checking her new weapon. Nathalie set it down on the table and attached a high power scope that she took out of the case. "Thank you so much."

"I'm glad you like it." He said and brought her attention to an earpiece and a small folder. "There's the whole information that you already reviewed about the men you have to take out; names, locations, forces. And here's our way to communicate."

Nathalie smiled at a nice surprise and walked around the table to thank her father for it. She kissed him on the cheek and gave a big hug. Makarov felt a lump form in his throat. It's been 15 years since she came up to him so happy because he made her this happy. For the last fifteen years all he did was break her heart and he felt so much pain because of that. Tears started forming in his eyes but he managed to hold them back an put on a smile for his daughter. "Be careful out there, okay?"

"I will. Don't worry." She said and backed away from her father and gathered up the things for the mission. Nathalie also put her new sniper rifle into the case which also had some other scopes and ammunition. The whole case with the weapon weighed quite a lot but she was training for this so she lifted it and walked towards the stairs leaving her father who was watching her leave behind.

* * *

Two weeks later

Lieutenant MacTavish was called in to the communication centre by MacMillan for some sort of business considering their next mission. John wondered what so urgent happened that he was called in even though their mission was starting in a couple of hours. He walked in to the office and walked up to the General who was looking at the big screen that displayed a picture and MacTavish recognized the person right away. "Silver..." He said confused.

"I told you I called some friends in Russian and well that's what they got." MacMillan said pointing at the screen which closed up the features of the woman young Lieutenant loved more than his dear life. "They tracked this image when she broke in a secured warehouse. Derrick play the video."

The next moment a video appeared on the screen where John saw his lovely girlfriend cut through fifteen maybe twenty armed soldiers like it was a stroll around the town. Her accuracy impressed every soldier in communication centre that was watching the video. At first she rolled up a flash bang and when it went off she walked out of her cover in a fast pace and pulled out her revolver. Only six bullets fit inside it but every single one she fired hit her enemies. When the first six of them were down she moved in closer to take them out while they were still dazed from the grenade. Nathalie put her revolver into the holster and broke one enemy's neck. She dropped his lifeless body down and stepped forward to grab another enemy from behind and stab him in the chest. Sergeant Silver did not let his body fall and used it as a shield from the enemies that already noticed her presence. She took out his pistol and shot the other enemies. When the bullets ran out she dropped the pistol and took the knife throwing it at one of the enemies. That's where the video cut off.

"Our dear Sergeant is hunting down every man that had connection to Imran Zakhaev. She even got the one you were supposed to attack today." Explained the situation General MacMillan. John was so surprised he couldn't say a word though at the back in his head settled a thought about her dark past siding with men she was currently after. No doubt Nathalie felt like a fish in the water being in the place she grew up in.

"MacTavish are you listening?" Said MacMillan and brought him back to reality.

"Yes, sir. I am listening, sir. Our mission is cancelled I assume."

"Not cancelled. Delayed. Three days later you will have a joined mission with Americans. Maksim Romanov have shown interest in taking Zakhaevs place and already is planning assaults even on his own people in Russia. He took over a military base and your job will be to take him out and take back the base. The details will be clear on briefing in three days from now. Dismissed."

John nodded and walked outside. He had to gather the group and tell them to prepare for training instead of a mission. When he was walking up to the barracks he saw Matt and called him to come closer. "Newman, tell everyone mission is cancelled and that we are gathering up for training in ten."

"No mission? What happened?" Asked Matt surprised.

"I'll explain later at the training grounds. Now go gather everyone." Said MacTavish and walked away wandering around the base. He needed a moment alone to calm his heart which was beating faster than ever when he saw Nathalie. She was gone for about a month and her birthday passed a couple days ago. Silver spent her birthday surrounded by enemies, gripping onto the rifle fighting for her life. John wanted it to be a special and good to remember day but he didn't get the chance to know if she was alive at the day. Though it was a huge relief to see her safe and sound with a fire in her heart to keep on fighting. In the image on the screen she was troubled but he remembered her sweet smile the last time they were together and didn't realize that a smile crept up on his face too. He soon felt that memory of his laughing girlfriend made him smile and he got more serious since it was time to do his job. When he got to the training grounds the others already gathered up and waited for him.

"The hell's going on?" Mumbled Jason.

"Our mission was cancelled." MacTavish sighed at the thought of Nathalie fighting alone. She was doing their job alone. "The man we had to take out is already taken out."

"Wait what?" Matt asked surprise.

"Who did it? Was it Russians?" Asked Riley.

"It was Sergeant Silver." Said John and everyone responded with a simultaneous 'what'. "She is doing what she was sent to Russia for."

"What we were sent for." Corrected Simons and MacTavish groaned.

"We will have a different mission in three days and we have to do it without losses this time. Now get training."

MacTavish pushed everyone to their limits. No one got a chance to slack off. The next mission could be a possibility to get her back and he didn't want any of them messing up in the battle field but most important he didn't want to fuck up himself. He wasn't an experienced leader and blamed himself for the unsuccess when they lost her. The training lasted three hours and most of them felt fatigued. Even John himself knew he went too far but the thought of saving Nathalie fuelled him to go.

After a shower and the dinner when everyone went to break room for their free time John walked back to the barracks. He took out a spare key from Nathalie's room that he had to beg out of the soldier who is the head of barracks. His girlfriend wouldn't have liked that he broke in to her room but she wouldn't stay angry at him for long either. The smell of unhabitated room didn't feel pleasing but that's what you get after keeping it closed for over a month. John settled down on the floor and pulled out one of her bags where her memory box was. He carefully opened the lid to reveal the things he already seen and a few new pictures. He smiled looking at the ones she took back at her apartment in Russia. MacTavish couldn't believe that it was over half a year since they met and that they were dating for about four months. He looked at the picture where her eyes were shining so pretty. Those different colour eyes were so charming he could look at them for endless hours. He smiled a sad smile thinking of losing her forever. John didn't even get the chance to know her to the very fullest and with a job like theirs every second could be the last one. He even thought of asking Nathalie to back out of active service and just being a doctor at the base but he knew that the thought was ridiculous and she would just call him an idiot.

MacTavish sighed and put it all back to the box. He gently placed the box back in the bag and lifted himself from the floor. He was getting her back. He was determined to do it and making sure that she knows how much she means to him.

* * *

"Where is he?" Nathalie asked patiently crouching beside the jeep that she stole from one of the men she hunted down. She held her new toy that her father gifted in her hands and was looking through the scope searching for the man she had to shoot. She spent about four hours in the same place waiting for a chance to take him out without having to participate in close combat. "Is he moving around?"

"He is walking towards the main building. The one with Soviet flag." She heard her father's voice through an earpiece. "My men patched through their systems and can track him with the cameras. We will patch you in through their comms. Good hunting."

Nathalie nodded even though her father couldn't see her. She heard some Russian talking about patrols around their base but nothing too important to really look into. She shifted her weight a little to make it more comfortable for shooting. Silver spotted the man in her sights and followed him hoping he would stop or at least slow down for better shot. As if hearing her prayer the man stopped in his track and turned around. Nathalie smiled and took a good aim at him holding her breath for the shot. Just as she pulled the trigger the man started running. "What the..." Nathalie got up on her feet and looked at the situation through the scope. She heard the gunfire and muffled chatter through the earpiece. "Amerikancy. Ot kuda oni zdes?" Was the only thing that she could understand from all the soldiers talking one over another.

Nathalie shook her head at the situation and looked at her uniform. The British flag was visible so she hoped the Americans would notice and wouldn't take her as an enemy. They might have shot her but also they might have been her ticket back home. She hopped back into the jeep that she came to the spot with and started the engine. Without hesitation she put her foot on gas pedal and started driving towards the base. It wasn't a small base compared to the ones she visited during her service in Russia. She heard the Russians say that more of them were inbound. "How many soldiers does this ass have? Shit." She mumbled to herself struggling to drive and look for his dossier in between the other files at the same time. Nathalie looked at the road that led to the base. She saw American soldiers getting attacked by Russians from their six so she decided to help them out. Silver jerked the wheel and pulled the hand break to slide down the road. The jeep hit two enemies that were going after the American soldiers and when the jeep stopped moving she jumped onto her seat and picked up her rifle. She aimed and took out the rest of enemies saving two soldiers that were cornered. "Get in." She shouted at them and they jogged over to the jeep.

"Silver?" Asked oddly familiar voice and Nathalie lowered her AS50 to look at the owner of the voice.

"Simons?" She looked at him surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"You guys know each other?" Asked the other soldier that was with Simons.

"Of course I know this little shit." Said Nathalie and lowered herself onto the seat and set her rifle next to it. "There's no time to explain. Get in."

The two of them got inside and Nathalie pressed the gas pedal again leaving a trail of skid marks behind. They were getting near the base gates where bullets flying everywhere and you could hardly understand where were enemies and where friendlies. "Out of the way" she shouted driving through the gate.

"Shoot the wall in front of us with your grenade launcher." She commanded Jason. "We're getting through."

"Are you crazy?" He asked stumbling with his rifle.

"Quite possibly." She said and kept driving forward. Seeing that she is determined to do whatever she was doing Jason shot a grenade and they crashed through the wall. Nathalie put on her sniper rifle with a strap over her shoulders and took her revolver to shoot any enemies that were still alive in the room they crashed to. She quickly picked up a Kalashnikov and put her handgun into the holster rushing out of the room.

Jason was still shocked from the events and was trying to see through the dust flying everywhere. He jumped out of the jeep coughing but picked up his rifle and got ready for the battle. Simons walked closer to the back seat to check up on American soldier that was with him. "Hey, you okay there?" He asked but got no response so he leaned over the door and shook his shoulder. "Corporal Davis." Slowly his subordinate regained consciousness and struggled to find his rifle.

Simons sighed and looked at him and saw blood on his temple. Looking worried he pulled the younger soldier out of the jeep and gave him his M4A1. "Let's go. We have to find her before she does anything even more crazy." Jason commanded and walked forward. Davis was feeling a little bit dizzy but complied and followed Simons through the path of fallen enemy bodies. Just a few minutes later they entered control room where they saw Nathalie beating up Maksim Romanov. "Otzavi svoix soldat." She shouted at him. (Send your troops back.)

"Nezaschto." (No way.) He said and received a couple of punches from her.

"Delay kak ja govoriu." (Do as I say.) She said and pulled out her revolver aiming right at his forehead.

"What the..." Mumbled Jason walking closer to Silver whose eyes were filled with thirst for murder. "What are you doing?" He asked when he was standing next to her with his weapon down. She looked sad and frustrated even a little tired when he looked at her. There was a large bleeding cut on her cheek that Jason didn't see before while she was driving. He saw a combat knife with bloodied blade lying just by her feet.

"I'm forcing him to call his men back. This place is crawling with enemies and even more of them are inbound." She explained breathing heavily from all of the fighting. "Though I doubt this bastard will do as I say."

"More enemies?" Asked Corporal who was just a little behind Simons. "How do you know that?"

Nathalie pulled out her earpiece and showed it to the American. "I can hear them talking. Not sure how many more are coming but we might be in trouble."

"We have to tell others." Said Simons and Nathalie nodded at him. She soon turned her attention to Romanov and looked at him with anger. "Karma prishla za tvoix grexax." (Karma came for your sins.)

"Karma davno ne v igre." (Karma is not in a game for a long time.)

"Ja vernulas i ja ostanus." (I'm back and I'm here to stay.) She said and pulled the trigger.


	24. Chapter 24

"Ja vernulas i ja ostanus." (I'm back and I'm here to stay.) She said and pulled the trigger.

"Shit." Cursed Corporal at the sight of the blood splatter all over the place. He was still a little dazed from the crash and he saw her being so... weird. That's how he would describe her actions if anyone asked. Wearing British uniform with her last name and a British flag but her movements and whole posture shouted 'enemy'. She even knew their language which added more brutality to the image.

"We gotta help others fight off the enemies." Nathalie said in her regular calm tone in a sweet British accent that she casually picked up while in UK. "We will need something more explosive to get rid of them before they can leave their transport."

"Where are we supposed to get anything like that?" Asked Davis because Simons was talking with the leaders through the comms.

"In the basement there is a small armoury. Come on." She said and picked up her AK47 in a fighting position. When she saw that American was following her lead Silver walked towards the exit of the control room. "Hey, get moving, you little shit." She said to Simons and walked out. They went to the basement with Jason casually walking after them. The armoury was a quite small one compared to what they had in Hereford but there was enough to take out a couple of choppers and tanks if they needed to. Jason and Davis each took an RPG.

"You're not taking anything?" Asked Simons.

"I already have two rifles. Someone will have to watch your back while you're blowing shit up."

Davis nodded and they rushed outside where Nathalie finally noticed the rest of the team fighting. There were already two choppers circling the area and even more enemies were coming in through the gates. She crouched beside wreckage she made in the building and pulled out her sniper rifle. She quickly aimed and killed of a bunch of enemies coming in. In a couple of shots they took out the choppers and only had to deal with enemies on the ground. Nathalie reloaded her AS50 and a bullet whizzed past her missing her by a notch. She ran towards the cover of another building and listened to the Russian chatter.

"Ix uzhe bolshe chem nas." (There are more of them than us now.)

"Tak streliaj lutche." (Then shoot better.)

"U nix est snaiper. Ubejte eyo pervuyu." (They have a sniper. Kill her first.)

They talked a lot about their actions but no one mentioned their positions so it was a useless information. Davis jogged up to her into cover and informed her that two friendlies were injured from which one was shot by a sniper and the wound was serious. Nathalie was a medic and knew that higher caliber weapons like her own sniper rifle could do a lot of damage and if bullet is accurate it might be an immediate death.

She nodded towards Davis to follow her and sneaked around the corner of the building. Nathalie knew that she had to take the sniper out before she helped the injured soldiers. As they crept around through the back of the building she managed to get the approximate location of where the sniper was but she needed him to show up. She couldn't take any chances. When they reached the alley between the buildings Davis and Silver saw a lot of Russian bodies and two friendly soldiers. One of them noticed her and Corporal and asked "Who in the hell are you?"

"Sergeant Silver..." Nathalie looked at his rank and paused trying to think of something serious to say. "Captain..."

He looked at her with suspicion but before he could say anything Nathalie saw who was the second injured soldier. She crouched beside her teammate and whispered that she will help him. It was Private Tom Welch and though she kept the distance with almost all of the teammates she knew a little about him since he was her younger newbie. She looked at his wounds and felt relieved that it all wasn't too bad. He got a few deeper cuts and bullet wound but was all right for the moment and clearing out the enemies was the priority. She stood up and noticed the Captain still staring at her. Nathalie walked past him and pulled out her sniper rifle.

"What are you doing?" Asked Davis rushing after her.

"I'm going to kill the bastard who shot our friend and anyone else who decides to aim their rifle at me." She said and aimed in the direction where she predicted the sniper will be before she stepped into the open. "Watch my back, please." Nathalie said and took small steps further into the open looking for her target in the sights. She quickly noticed a shadowy figure aiming at her but her reflexes were sharper and faster than his. Silver shot and managed to hit him at the shoulder which caused his shot to be less accurate and just pass through the outer side of her leg.

Silver noticed MacTavish with a worried look on his face in the corner of her eye but kept her attention on the sniper. When she saw him move she shot two more bullets and though the wound in her leg seemed more like a big scratch the pain was strong and she had trouble standing with the recoil of her massive rifle. Nathalie stumbled but instead of taking care of her own wound she lifted herself of the ground and rushed towards the other buildings where American soldier was bleeding out. She had no idea where medical centre was and well most of the buildings were still crawling with enemies. There were one other soldier looking after the wounded one and another providing cover. "We gotta bring him inside. Tell your Captain that he has to clear this place faster or he will lose his soldier." She said and took of her jacket to put on his bullet wound to stop the bleeding. Nathalie kept more pressure on the wound but very gently not to cause any more pain for a boy that looked a couple of years younger than her. The bullet hit him in the lower abdomen and there was a possibility of inner bleeding and that his organs were hit two which could have caused an infection. Shorter, his situation was critical.

"Captain, a woman here says that Richards is not doing well." Said American who was next to the wounded soldier.

"Listen to me, I am a trained medic and I will help you. Just stay awake for a little longer." Nathalie said looking him in the eyes. Boy had trouble breathing and was shaking which was mostly of stress and panic but he managed to look at her and nod so there was still some hope. She lifted her jacked and looked at the wound which didn't look any good. It was a sniper bullet which was probably a high caliber and caused a lot of damage; Nathalie couldn't see the bullet and had a feeling that it was deep and stuck under the fat and muscle tissue. She could hear and feel the bullets flying around when the team stormed the buildings and fought the enemies but her mind was set on the things she needed to help the young soldier. The painkillers and temporary medicaments as well as checking and treating the wound. Thinking of any way that she could help him she didn't notice how time passed. Nathalie felt a slight tap on her shoulder and turned her head to see who did it.

"The medical building is clear." Said Captain who walked up to her with a couple of other soldiers.

"Take everyone injured there." She said and stood up letting others pick up the wounded boy and carry him towards the medical centre. Nathalie followed them closely with Captain covering their six. When they entered the ward they set him on the table and Silver commanded them around. "Take off any clothes from his upper body and set up a heart rate monitor." Nathalie set her weapons on the floor by the entrance before she got to the work.

She walked around the place just rummaging through the cabinets, shelves and boxes looking for the right instruments for the operation. Nathalie took a scalpel, few needles and surgical string, a bottle of spirit, a lot of bandages and soft cloth, an IV and a pack of fluids. "I will need painkillers. Go find some morphine or any other drug that is strong. Methadone or whatever these assholes have stocked up here." She set her things onto a small surgical table and set it next to her patient who was slowly losing consciousness. His heartbeat was uneven but that wasn't her biggest concern. She splashed some spirit on her hands to disinfect them, put on the gloves and also poured some onto them and bandage that she used to clean up his skin around the wound. Another soldier came rushing with a small ampoule of morphine to her. Silver filled a needle with it and injected it straight to his veins. Then she attached the fluid pack to the IV and put it in his arm. Without wasting any time she took a scalpel and the Captain started questioning her "You're going to cut him up?"

"What else do you want me to do?" She asked and concentrated on cutting his skin around the bullet wound. "He is not going to survive the trip back to the base with more experienced surgeons." She said and gritted her teeth. Nathalie had a sinking feeling in her gut. She knew that he might not even survive the following 10 minutes but was determined to do all she could to make his life longer. As she started cutting through the soft tissue of his body she heard a groan coming out of him and his half-conscious mind. The morphine didn't start working yet and he could feel the pain. His arm and leg muscles were spasming a little and Nathalie felt her hands start shaking unintentionally. She took a deep breath and concentrated on the surgery. The whole surrounding area disappeared from her vision as she was looking at the young American's insides. She looked at the bullet that did a lot of damage to his insides but that wasn't the problem. The bullet was stuck right next to a vein and any inaccurate movement could cost his life.

"Hell. Hell. Hell." Nathalie kept cursing trying to be as careful with the boy as she could. She pulled out the bullet successfully but saw what scared her that her heart fell to the ground. The bullet was very dirty with some kind of unknown liquid that also was inside the wound. She cleaned it out as much as she could and started sewing up the layers of tissue when another spasm started and that time it wasn't just arm and leg muscles. That time his most important muscle - heart, was going in a mad spasm. The heart rate monitor went crazy and seconds later it just dropped to a straight line. "Do a fucking CPR, what are you waiting for." She shouted trying to close up his wound as fast as possible. When it was more or less done she went back to the cabinets and shelves just frantically looking for adrenaline shot. She started throwing around bottles of useless at the moment medicine and other things that got to her hand in complete panic. Silver mumbled all sorts of Russian and English curse words looking for only thing that could have saved boy's life. The panic slowly grew into hysteria as there were fewer and fewer places to look for the drug he needed. There weren't even anything close to adrenaline or any other drug with similar effect. Frustrated she shouted 'fuck' and just pushed down the very last cabinet that she just searched through. All shaking she turned around to look at the line on the heart rate monitor and fell to her knees slowly slumping down with salty tears running down her face and over a cut on the cheek leaving a burning sensation.

Nathalie sat there sobbing holding up her weight with the knuckles that she set on the ground. She could have saved him. She knew she had the ability to do it but the lack of required equipment and medicine ruined everything. If only she took out the sniper before he got injured, if only she treated him right away, if only.. if only. Thoughts were running through her head on what mistakes she did as she let out a painful scream. The tears and sobbing were choking her and she needed to calm down.

She finally got back to reality and noticed chatter in the background. Both US and UK teams gathered up after clearing out the base and watched the whole situation. Silver couldn't lift her eyes up to look at them thinking that she failed miserably. Her long brown hair fell from her shoulders and covered up part of her face.

"Sergeant..." Silver heard a voice next to her. She looked up to see the American Captain crouching next to her. "We appreciate your efforts..." Nathalie heard his words and it made her cry even more. "I said I would help him." She whispered to the Captain and he put his arm around her back allowing her to let it out.

"Sergeant, get it all together. There are others that still need your help." He said in a calm tone and took her hand to pull her back on her feet.

Nathalie looked at her own teammate that had a bullet wound and nodded. It was weak of her to break down like that. She had to be strong for others and for herself. Tom walked up to her and she treated his wounds with ease. It was a piece of cake compared to what she just went through. Soon everyone was patched up and they gathered outside where the choppers landed to take them back home. Nathalie heard American Captain ask MacTavish about her but she kept the distance from the whole group. They talked for a little longer and afterwards everyone boarded their choppers. Nathalie sat down next to one of her trainees Simon Riley and being all stressed out and tired she put her head on his shoulder and passed out.

* * *

When Nathalie woke up they were still flying and she heard the chatter of other soldiers but decided not to open her eyes. The feeling of reality being so distant seemed so pleasant then. She knew that it was the sad reality of the warfare. Many people died even by her hand but it was either them or her. The killing wasn't as an emotional thing as trying to save others. She felt sour thinking of what she told that American soldier. Silver did try to help him but...

"Morning." She heard Riley say and gently squeeze her hand. "We are landing."

Her eyes shot open and she lifted her head off his shoulder. She nodded and straightened her back in the seat but kept her line of sight to the ground. They left the chopper and Silver without talking or looking at anyone walked away towards the barracks. She missed home more than anything. Not exactly her home in Russia or in London but her space in the military base. To her it was like she found her place in the world.

Nathalie went to have a shower and get clean. Wearing the same uniform for over two weeks was unhygienic and all she wanted to do was clean. She didn't even go to have a bite. When they came back it was a late evening but they still served dinner. All she did was change into new clothes, dry off her hair and simply lock herself in her room. She laid in her bed trying to get at least a little more rest but it was difficult as she slept through the most of the trip back from Russia.

When her sides were sore from constant turning unable to fall asleep she got out of bed and looked at the time. It was 2am way too early for a morning run but it was a perfect time to do something illegal. She searched through her bags where she kept some chocolate. Nathalie took two bars and walked out of her room. Carefully not to wake others she barged in Simons room and walked up to his bed. She shook him by the shoulder and he jumped up in his bed.

"What the fuck?" He mumbled when he saw her feminine silhouette in the dark.

"Get up and get dressed. We're sneaking in to the mess hall and making some chocolate brownies." She said and waved the chocolate bars in front of his face. At first he just stared at her but then he got out of bed and put on his clothes. They sneaked out of the barracks and sneaked inside the mess hall. 45 minutes later they were sitting on the kitchen's floor eating still a little hot brownies.

"The only thing I don't understand is why you took me and not your lovely MacTavish." Said Jason and Nathalie giggled a little bit. "You don't take your commander to do crazy stuff. Firstly, because he wouldn't allow it, and second, because if you get caught you should take someone who you hate to suffer the punishment, not someone you love." She explained and continued to eat. Simons nodded and continued to eat too.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Hello people, I once again wanted to thank you all for reading. Also I wanted to thank all the assholes who keep writing nasty reviews about my story as guests. I would like some criticism instead of reading things like "It's shit." If you want to help me at least tell me what's wrong. (E.g. the plot or my writing style). For others I just want to thank you for being there and reading. Thank you for keeping me writing.

* * *

"I've missed you so much big brother." Cheered Elaine hugging her older brother.

"I've missed you too, sis." Said John and hugged her. Then he let her go and walked up to his parents. "Father, mother." He said hugged both of them.

Nathalie watched the happy family by the gate of their yard. They lived in suburban area of Glasgow in a nice two floor house. After a long four month tour around Russia and Middle East with constant missions sometimes that sometimes lasted weeks and there weren't any days off between them the team got a two week vacation. Nathalie and John agreed to visit their families together because they wanted to celebrate a year that they knew each other.

For the first week they went to see John's parents and younger sister. Nathalie felt a little awkward just standing there by their luggage watching them greet one another. If only she had a family like that. It made her smile that they were so happy. John turned around to look at her and smiled. He was used to seeing her in her regular soldier uniform and when she was wearing a dress and wedges with her hair and make-up done she looked stunning and it made him fall in love with her even more.

John walked up to her put his arm around her waist. "This is my girlfriend Nathalie. I told you about her last time I came over." He said and gently led her closer to the family. John sensed that she was nervous and could feel her heartbeat get faster so he kissed her forehead to make her feel more confident.

"Hello. I'm Elaine." Said his younger sister and pulled Nathalie into a strong and warm embrace.

"Hi." Said Nathalie and smiled.

"Okay, enough. You'll have plenty of time to torture my love over the week we stay here." Said John pulling his sister away from Nathalie.

"What do you mean torture? I am the nicest person ever." Complained Elaine.

"This is my mother Kate and my father Adam." John introduced his parents to Nathalie and they greeted her. His father had a little stern expression but Nathalie didn't react so much as her own father used to have such expression most of the time.

They gathered at the table that was set up for the whole family. John offered Nathalie a chair and sat down next to her for support. He took her hand and smiled at her knowing that his parents will ask her about everything and anything that came to their minds. They began eating and Kate casually started asking Nathalie questions. "So where are you exactly from?" Was her first question.

"Um, I am from Russia though my mother is from Britain and I moved to live in London." Nathalie answered trying to be as honest as possible. There was no need to hide anything as John knew everything about her past. Well almost everything.

They seemed shocked at her answer especially the father. The only one who seemed content was Elaine. She smiled and asked "Do you speak the language? It sounds so damn cool."

"Yes, I speak fluent Russian."

"Awesome. Can you teach me?" Elaine kept going until she heard her father clear his throat. It all fell to a little awkward silence until John's mother asked again. "So, who are your parents?"

"I don't have parents. My mother died when I was younger and I don't know my father." Nathalie told them leaving the part of actually knowing her father out. No need for them to know he was a Russian terrorist.

"Sorry to hear that, darling." Said Kate and Nathalie just shrugged her shoulders. Silver noticed that the more John's father knew about her the more of disliking her had towards her. He was hesitant to eat any of his food and was just holding his drink staring at her with contempt. Adam looked at his wife and nodded towards Nathalie.

"Well, don't take any offense but that's some nasty amount of scars on such young lady, don't you think? What happened?" She said carefully not wanting to hurt Nathalie's feelings in any way.

"I got hurt in the battle field." Nathalie answered without going into any more detail about it.

"Battle field? What the hell a woman is doing in the battle field? Going around pretending to be a soldier?" Were the first words Silver heard from John's father. Nathalie almost choked drinking water at his words.

"Father, please knock out of it." Said John trying to stop his father from making any more comments on the subject.

"Knock out of what?" Asked Adam putting his glass on the table in a very angry demeanour. It looked more like her was trying to smash the glass through the table into the ground. "I am here to tell you the truth. Throughout your life all you did was make wrong decisions and I won't let you make another one."

John couldn't stand his father's words anymore and stood up from his seat. "Stop making everyone feel bad because you made wrong decisions and hate your life." He raised his voice and only realized what he said when the words escaped his mouth. "No offense to you, mother." Kate nodded.

"I don't hate my life, but you will if you keep the relationship. A woman in a battle field is a burden. What will you do when she gets hurt? Drop everything and go save her?" Adam jumped up from his seat and started shouting at his son. "Even then, you are not with a woman, you are with a soldier. She will never be a good wife nor bear any children to you. She will be a soldier running back to fight at any time given..."

Before he could even finish shouting at his son Nathalie burst out in tears and lifted herself out of her seat. She just turned around and rushed outside of their yard walking down the street. Once again life brought her down. The situation was a mess, she was a mess, and overall her life was a huge mess. John deserved someone better and she just couldn't listen to anyone telling her that it was truth. John needed someone a lot better than her; without emotional baggage, dark past and dark secrets, someone who knew how to love him right.

"Nathalie, wait." She heard a soft voice behind her and turned around to see Elaine jogging after her. "I apologize for what my father said."

"No need to. He is right. John needs someone better." Said Nathalie turning her back to John's younger sister.

"Now that's some bullshit. If my brother makes a decision it is bound to be right one." Elaine caught up with her and gently put her arm on her back. "Want to go to a bar and just discuss everything? You can tell me more about yourself and I will tell our mom. I doubt everything is as bad as you think."

Nathalie nodded and they walked around the town for a while in complete silence. Silver tried to dry off the tears and lighten up which was easy in Elaine's company. She looked like a very warm and bright person Nathalie immediately felt better. When they settled down at the outside tables by the bar with drinks in their hands Elaine began their conversation, "So what got you to tears? I believe that he touched a sore spot since tough soldiers don't just break in like that, am I right?"

Nathalie nodded looking down at the glass of scotch. "Your father was right at some point. I will never bear any children for John if we continue our relationship." She shook her head at the thought and took a few gulps of the whiskey and continued. "Technically I could bear a child if I could get pregnant. I don't know what the issue is exactly since my hormones are stable and there is no other known sickness that could affect it."

"So you are infertile?" Asked Elaine and Nathalie nodded. "Does John know?"

"That's what the doctors say. The possibility of me getting pregnant is small and close to non-existent. And no. We've never talked about it or our plans for future." Answered Silver thinking about the situation. "Usually the plan is just to survive the day without any major injuries. That's life of a soldier."

"Must be tough." Whispered Elaine. "And I know it's not my business but the marks on your body are not only from battle..." She continued with a careful tone trying to approach her without making her burst out in tears.

"No." Said Nathalie and finished her drink. "I did many bad things to my body. Tried to kill myself." She made a pause trying to come up with something to make the conversation a little more cheerful. "Everything changed when I met John. I have never been so happy and loved ever in my life. He brought so much light into my dark world."

Elaine smiled and asked the passing by waiter to refill their drinks. She took Nathalie's hand and stated. "You did much more to him than you believe. For the first time I saw my brother so happy and crazed from love when he was looking at you. You are the first one John looked at like this. He basically have gave his heart to you."

Nathalie smiled at John's sister and tried to hold back tears of mixed emotions from spilling out. She felt so many both positive and negative feelings it was hard to contain them.

"I have never thought I could love anyone but your brother proved me wrong." Laughed Nathalie.

"Oooh, that is so romantic. Maybe you have a brother that could prove that to me." Said Elaine dreamingly but soon started giggling. "Though I'd be willing to date anyone just to annoy my father."

"I don't have a brother. And why do you want to annoy your father so much?"

"He's so controlling, I hate it so much. When we were growing up he never let us do what we wanted. John basically left home against our father's will to join the military. And I fought him for many years to be able to study medicine. He always wanted me to be a lawyer."

Nathalie smiled at her. Everyone went through some kind of struggle in their lives; some struggled more, some less but it was undeniable that life was never fair. Silver wanted to show some support to Elaine and stated, "You did a right choice. I studied medicine to be a nurse myself, it was worth it. Don't give up."

They spent a couple more hours talking and boozing before they went home. It was late when they reached the house and the parents were already sleeping. John was sitting in the kitchen with a bottle of beer just reading something on his phone when he heard the girls come back home. Nathalie took off her shoes and went upstairs to the room that Elaine told her to go. They had quite a few drinks and Nathalie needed to sleep it off. She saw her bag in the room she entered. It wasn't decorated too much and she assumed that it was John's room many years ago before he left home for his military service. Nathalie opened her bag, took out her sleepwear and changed into it before she laid down on the bed.

It was warm but Nathalie pulled the blankets over her legs. She felt somewhat safer when she was hiding under the blankets. No matter how much she tried to push away all the thoughts and start snoozing she couldn't. His father hated her while her father hated John. It was a terrible situation, Nathalie couldn't even think of introducing her own father to John. It would be more than just a mess at the dinner table like earlier that day. It was bound that someone's blood would be spilled if the two of them met.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the door to the room open. Nathalie sat up in the bed and saw John close the door behind him. He looked tired and a little frustrated. The events of the day weren't pleasant and he really wanted to rest but most importantly he wanted to make sure his love was alright.

"I talked with Elaine. She told me about your condition." He began walking up to the bed. John sat down as close to her as possible and kissed her forehead. "It doesn't really matter whether we can have children or not." He whispered to her softly and began stroking her hair. "My feelings to you don't change. I still love you with all my heart, Nathalie. I love you."

Nathalie felt tears forming in her eyes once again and she leaned closer to John wrapping her arms around him. "I love you too, John." She whispered to him and he smiled at her words. They went through a lot during the period of one year but managed to stay true to each other.

John didn't even bother taking of most of his clothes and just laid down with his love in his arms. "The only thing that matters is us." He whispered to Nathalie who was listening to his heartbeat.

* * *

The next couple of days went quiet because John's father refused to talk to any of them. Kate, John's mother, on the other hand took a liking to Nathalie who helped with cleaning and cooking. She might be a soldier but Kate saw her soft and feminine side. Nathalie knew how to be helping and caring even being a fighter. The fact that Elaine liked Nathalie also helped John's mother to get used to her presence.

On the last day of their visit John took Nathalie out for a walk. It was just the two of them and she couldn't describe how happy she felt walking around with John hand in hand. Soon John took a sharp turn and walked into someone's yard.

"Where are we going, John?" Nathalie asked confused.

"It's a surprise." He said and pulled her forward. They walked around the house to see another fenced area and a guard dog sitting in front of it. John smiled and crouched extending his arm towards the dog. "Seth, come over here, old buddy." The dog got up and walked closer to John wagging his tail. He liked John's face and sat down next to him.

"John. How are you doing?" Dog's owner walked out of the house with a smile. "And who's with you? A girlfriend, perhaps?" The man was older than John but seemed younger than his parents. On his arms were visible scars of dog bites. He was skinny and shorter than John but seemed healthy.

"Yes, that's my girlfriend. And hopefully a future owner for one of your puppies." He said gently patting old dog that he called by the name Seth. John stood up and turned to Nathalie. "I wanted to gift you a Staffy puppy on birthday but you know how the circumstances were. My friend here is a Pit Bull breeder and well he agreed to let you pick any pup you want."

"Wow. Thank you so much." Said Nathalie surprised.

"No need to thank. I owe John a bit and it's a good way to pay back." Smiled the breeder and walked towards fenced area. "If you want to you can walk inside." He opened the gate and Nathalie walked in to see a bunch of small puppies running around. She walked around looking at the puppy behaviour and smiled at the sight of a blue coat pup. "This one." She said and picked him up.

"Well, grandpa, another puppy is leaving your yard." Said John to Seth who barked in response.

"Hey there, Blue." Greeted the pup Nathalie taking him out. "We will be going on a journey of a lifetime."

Blue gently looked up to her and licked her neck in a way to show affection. She laughed at the tickling sensation as she walked closer to John. He put his arm around her waist and kissed her on the cheek. MacTavish smiled at the puppy that was happy to be close to Nathalie. He smiled and said "Our family's growing."


	26. Chapter 26

The second week they spent at Nathalie's flat in London. They went to visit Tyler and Madeline and their little growing offspring. Nathalie's cousin and his wife had a little charming boy that seemingly had a soft spot in Nathalie's heart since she couldn't have her own kid. She knew that small ray of sunshine would get all the loving and pampering from her whenever she get a chance to leave her military duties.

After their little two week vacation Nathalie and John came back with a little addition to their so called family. Blue was a really exciting gift but Nathalie decided that it wasn't going to be just a lovable companion but also a great fighter. Pit Bulls were bred for fighting and so Blue had the ability to be a dangerous soldier if trained properly. That's why Nathalie took a lot of paperwork and had to take a test to be licensed military dog handler and for Blue to become a real military dog.

Two months passed with the training and couple of missions during which Blue had to stay home. It was all going well. Blue was very responsive to the training and was willing to learn. The missions went very well as they all came back without casualties and major injuries. The only thing that got Nathalie annoyed and frustrated that her father's name was more and more well known. His little kingdom was growing with more men working for him, more people trafficked, more drugs dealt, more money laundered. She knew that because she was a part of it all, she did all of those things and used the dirty money she earned.

Thoughts about her father were running through her mind as the team was breaking into an old factory in Belarus where many drug deals were done by Makarov and Nathalie herself. The place was so familiar it sent shivers down her spine. During the times when she was with ultranationalists she have learnt the plan of whole building complex in case the deals went wrong and they needed passages or advantage points. That time Nathalie couldn't let anyone know she was familiar with the place.

They carefully sneaked around the storage house and made sure it was clear. Six soldiers stayed in there just in case the enemies retreated through it but Nathalie knew it was useless and only four were needed at most. Even then she stayed silent. It wasn't her decision to make. When they moved on to the factory itself they split into teams of two-three to sweep through each floor of laboratories. Nathalie and John went to the very top floor. Every floor connected to the main manufacturing hall that stood empty where they all were supposed to meet. As they were walking down the corridor Nathalie heard something and nodded to John. She carefully opened the door to one of the rooms and turned on the lights. On one of the tables laid a radio but something else surprised her even more. The room was set up with explosives. John opened up another room and there was even more C4.

"Shit." Mumbled Nathalie. "If every room is set up like that there are enough explosives to take down two factories like this."

"Come in. Did you find anything?" Asked John through comms.

"We found bunch of explosives strapped to walls in fourth floor." Said Simons.

"Same here at the third floor." Came in Riley's voice.

"Everyone fall back to storage immediately." Commanded John and followed Nathalie who was moving towards the main part.

"We are falling back. Where in the hell you are going?" He said grabbing her arm.

"We are at the fifth floor and won't make it to storage if they detonate within two minutes. There's another way to exit through the main facility and other wing in case it's not set up." She explained pulling him forward with her.

"How do you know that?" Asked MacTavish and Nathalie shook her head as she began jogging through the hallway. "No time."

There was no time to reach the door to the main part. They were basically sprinting as the walls started rumbling. "They are detonating." Shouted Silver shooting the door to just break through it. As they hit it with their shoulders and pushed through they stood on a platform in the open. It revealed a glass roof and big cement walls that were also strapped with explosives.

"Chyort." Cursed Nathalie out loud and the only thing that she felt was ground slipping from the bottom of her feet. She saw a cloud of dust rise from the sides of the building and could feel the platforms of each floor hitting her sides before it went black. Though she could swear that in the darkness she could hear the footsteps and soothing voice. It assured that she will be alright as a warm liquid started flowing over her face. Nathalie felt how her whole body was just locked tight in one position that she was at the moment.

Nathalie didn't know how long she was out but as soon as she came back and tried to move pain pierced through many parts of her body. She opened her eyes to see blood dripping down her eyebrows and nose. Both of her hands were in front of her and she could see that her right palm was pierced by a shard of glass. With her left hand she touched the top of her head and looked at the fingers that were stained with red. She groaned but her mind was still far away unable to understand the situation. As she heard the grunts in the background she lifted herself up to sitting position and turned to find a source of heavy panting. Her heart dropped when she saw her beloved MacTavish aiming his pistol at Makarov who was aiming his own pistol back at John.

"Makarov." Said MacTavish.

"MacTavish." Mocked Makarov.

"No..." Nathalie sighed deeply as her vision was blurry and tainted with slight red. MacTavish looked like he took quite the beating but it was most from the fall and Makarov broke some sweat probably trying to fight John. "Don't..." Tried to speak Nathalie but her words were caught in her throat. She gathered all the strength she had and lifted herself from the floor.

"Xorosho vydet tebia." (It's good to see you.) Said Makarov not moving his eyes from MacTavish.

Nathalie stumbled when she tried to walk but with all her might she kept going straight until she was standing between the two of them.

"What in the hell are you doing, Silver?" Shouted MacTavish but she just shook her head.

"If only you knew what she was doing." Said Makarov taking a step closer to his daughter still holding the weapon straight even though she was in his sights.

"You talk like you do know what she is doing. Don't even get near her." John took a step forward too though his hands were shaky since Nathalie was also in his sights.

"Help..." She muttered since she couldn't force the words out of her mouth come out louder. "Help me, you bastards." Nathalie looked towards John and then towards her father before she kneeled down unable to keep her weight up.

"I guess she didn't tell you yet. I don't blame her. Who would want to?" Said Makarov taking another step towards her. At the moment he was closer to Nathalie than John.

"Didn't tell me what?" Asked MacTavish and walked closer. Before he could get any closer Makarov kneeled next to Nathalie put away his pistol and pulled her into his arms. He let her head rest on his arm as she gently put her left hand onto his cheek leaving a red print. "Father..." She whispered feeling the life slip out of her.

MacTavish was blown away. 'Did she just call him 'father'? ' he thought as he put down his pistol. John walked closer and looked down at her pale skin, and dark chocolate brown hair. Makarov looked up to him and then he saw. Those eyes. She had his eyes. Their facial features were completely different but you couldn't deny that the pigment of the skin, hair, and eyes was the same.

"Father," she repeated the word but managed to choke out the whole sentence. "I don't want to die in your arms like my mother did."

It cut Makarov really deep. He could feel his eyes water up but managed to stay strong in the presence of an enemy. "Don't worry, child. You will not be like your her because you won't die. Ty silneye chem tvoya mat." (You're stronger than your mother.)

Nathalie smiled at his words but her eyes fell shut and her breathing fell still. MacTavish crouched next to them and Makarov carefully laid her down trying to feel her pulse. When he felt it and it was slowing down he looked at MacTavish. "Hope you know how to do a CPR."

John nodded and looked at Makarov who was taking off layers of holsters and armour to be able to do a chest compression. It took them a couple of minutes but Nathalie started breathing. It was weak but that was enough for her to survive until she was back in UK.

"Come on, pick her up." Commanded Makarov and stood up. Surprised of his own actions MacTavish actually listened to the terrorist and picked her up in his arms standing up himself. He followed Makarov up to the door which to his surprise wasn't blocked by rubble. He opened the door and said "Take good care of her."

MacTavish walked forward with the pale figure in his arms. Somewhere deep in his mind a mocking voice said that his father was right. 'What will you do when she gets hurt? Drop everything and go save her?' He should have shot him. He was supposed to shoot Makarov on sight no matter if he was Nathalie's father or not. It was his job to kill people like he. Job is the priority and emotions are secondary issues. Though he let him go just to save the one who he loves.

It took him a while to get back to storage because of fall damage and quite a fight with Makarov but when he reached it everyone looked at him shocked. He set his girlfriend on the floor and went to call in the chopper immediately. "Command, this is Bravo Six. We have a heavily wounded and need an emergency extraction straight to the hospital."

"Roger, Bravo Six. The chopper will be at the primary LZ in five. Over."

John told Simons to pick Nathalie up and everyone else to ready up for the pick up. The primary LZ was right outside the storage of the factory and they stood there waiting. The feelings boiled inside MacTavish. The one he loved was a daughter of a criminal. A terrorist who was rising to the top of the most wanted lists. She lied to him. Technically she didn't. Nathalie told him her father was a terrorist and that many years ago she was working for him. But it was Makarov. Zakhaev's protégée. Man who was responsible for his friends' death. She kept it all secret. What else she was hiding? How did he know she was there? Is she still working for him? No, it can't be truth. Nikolai trusts her and cares about her as if she is his own daughter. She can't be bad, right?

Those thoughts just rushed through his mind during the boarding and whole flight. Her safety was important but the feeling of being backstabbed hurt like a motherfucker.

* * *

Nathalie regained her consciousness in a warm and soft bed. The smell and sound was basically shouting 'hospital'. Her whole body was sore and locked tightly in one place. She could feel bandages covering a lot of her body and especially head. She tried to move a little in bed but it didn't work well. When she opened her eyes everything was blurry even then she could see a silhouette of a person leaning over the right side of her bed.

"Rise and shine, princess." She heard the person talking and understood that it was no other than Simons.

"What's going on?" She asked him.

"Don't tell me you can't remember what happened." He looked at her and sighed as she shook her head. "We were on a mission at a factory in Belarus. It was set up with explosives and well you got really messed up."

"I don't remember a thing. Last thing I remember is when we started fighting before training and Blue bit your ankle." Said Nathalie and her vision was starting to clear up. She saw a doctor standing further away from the bed with and an intern standing beside him writing things down.

"That was... That was more than a month and a half ago, Silver..." Jason said with visible concern in his facial expression. No matter how much he hated her he wouldn't have wished her to be in such condition. When Jason saw her look at him with panic in her eyes all the comforting words got stuck in his throat. "You've been out for two weeks." He said and took her hand as careful as he could. It was the first time when he honestly didn't want to cause or let her feel pain.

"It might take two more for you to get well." Said doctor. "Though your body is very strong and we will let you fully recover back at the base."

Nathalie nodded at doctor's words and despite the pain in her palm she squeezed Simons hand in her. He wanted to make a few offensive and not so friendly jokes about her being a female and fucking up missions and even maybe that he didn't care about her well-being and was there just because MacTavish ordered. Though despite having a heart made of stone some kind of painful feeling sunk deep inside of it and he couldn't say a single bad word to her. "You'll get out sooner than you think." He said trying to support her.

* * *

Nathalie was released from the hospital in a week though her body was still sore and weak. She wasn't injured badly and the split in her head was healing nicely. The same was with her palm which only had a small mark where the stiches were. Only problem was memory loss which seemed like a huge deal to Nathalie. She felt like something was missing and there was the reason why John was so distant with her.

For the first two weeks she was allowed to skip out training and do it on her own but most of the time she spent in her room training Blue and preparing for the handler test since she missed out almost a whole month worth of training and had to push forward faster. As she was repeating the basic tricks with Blue she heard a knock on the door and looked up to see John entering her room.

"I knew you'd be here." He said closing the door behind him.

"Hi." Said Nathalie and gave Blue a treat. It felt awkward looking at John as she didn't know what happened between the two of them and his father's word were ringing in her head every time she saw him. She wasn't worthy being with him.

"I've read the doctor's report. You have no memory of the mission, do you?" Nathalie shook her head at his question and John walked closer to her. "Do you want to know what happened?" He asked gently petting Blue that was sitting patiently waiting for Nathalie's command. She nodded and waited for John to explain everything. "I think others told you about the factory being set up with explosives. Well there's more to it that no one else saw but the two of us. To be exact with it there were three of us. What you did was insane, though I can't blame you for it."

"What did I do?" Asked Nathalie feeling her heart beating faster and faster with every second.

"You tried to stop me and your father from shooting one another." He said and Nathalie covered her mouth in shock. "No." She whispered and John nodded. "Yes."

John walked closer to her and took her hand. "At first I couldn't believe it. Then I hated it, I hated you, I hated myself, I hated everyone. Later when I saw Simons helping you when coming back from hospital I realized what kind of idiot I was. Man who hated you had more compassion than I, the man who you loved and who loved you. I understood that you can't choose parents and somehow your father who is a criminal, a murderer had more love towards his child than my father who is supposed to be a hero and life saver." He put her arm on his shoulder and pulled her closer. Nathalie was sad and scared from all the words she heard tears flowing down her cheeks. John carefully wiped them off and kissed her forehead. "I am sorry I doubted you, my love."


	27. Chapter 27

Time passed fast for everyone. By the end of the year Nathalie had her dog handler licence and Blue was a military dog. The team went on many missions and everyone got stronger than before. Nathalie and Jason hated each other more than ever but treated one another more like friends than enemies. John and Nathalie spent their holidays at his parents' house where she didn't feel too welcome but it was better than to spend two weeks all alone. Even then John's parents had to get over the fact that their relationship is serious.

When they were back John was really busy with some kind of plans for the team's future and Nathalie spent most of her time with Blue and Jason.

"Hey, princess, check this out." Said Simons pulling Nathalie by her arm towards the announcement board. He was looking at his course running leader board position when something else caught his eye. "An international task force is looking for soldiers. To sign up for trials see your base's leader or a different responsible personnel. Trials will be over by February."

"Why are you showing me this?" Asked Silver.

"Look at the responsible person." Said Jason and put his finger next to a name at the bottom of the page.

"MacTavish." Sighed Nathalie. "What in the hell did he think of?"

"Dunno, but I am not joining any fucking force. You can't make me do that, princess." Said Jason walking away towards the barracks.

"Who said I will try to make you do that. I am not going myself." Said Nathalie catching up with Simons. "You must have lost the last piece of your worthless brain to think that."

"So... you are not going with your boyfriend?" He asked in really suspicious manner.

Nathalie shook her head and just walked forward. She didn't have any want to be a part of some kind of international task force. It wasn't in her plans for future though she didn't really have any. By the barracks she was greeted by Blue in his winter equipment.

"Hey there, boy." She said gently scratching his neck. Blue barked happily at her but when Jason got close he let out a low growl.

"Good to see you too." Mumbled Simons opening door to the barracks. They walked in to a warmer atmosphere and Nathalie took of her outer coat. Simons whistled and Nathalie elbowed him to the ribs. "Want to come over to my room? No sexual intentions, princess, I promise."

Silver laughed at him and nodded. They walked up to his room and Nathalie told Blue to stay and guard the door. She walked inside and closed it behind her. Simons pulled out his sports bag and started throwing chocolate bars at her. It took her by surprise and all ten of them hit her on various parts of her body. Then Jason started throwing packs of chocolate candy with marzipans but that time she caught all of the packs before they hit her.

"What the hell, Jason?" She asked confused.

"I smuggled it all in for chocolate brownies at 3am." He said sitting down on the floor. "You have no idea how much I had to beg to get that much chocolate here."

Nathalie laughed at his efforts. She sat down on the floor where she was standing and collected all of the chocolates. "You are trying so hard for those brownies like you've never had them before."

"Because I didn't." He said opening a pack of chocolate candy and threw one inside his mouth.

"Really? No one made you those? Not even your mot..."

"I didn't have a mother." Simons cut her off with his mouth full of chocolate because he stuffed three more sweets in. He looked her dead in the eye with a serious look on his face. But Nathalie couldn't stay serious when he was chewing the sweets like a small kid. "No wonder you're such a dickhead." She said and burst out laughing.

"Really? Not even a little sympathy for an orphan?" He said looking at her like he was about to cry.

"Bitch please, I grew up without parents myself. Did I get any sympathy from you? Since the day I came to this base all you did was treat me like shit." Nathalie took a bar of chocolate and just threw it to his face like a throwing knife.

"Bitch, you hit me in the eye." He shouted covering his face.

"Bitch, you asked for it."

They started throwing everything that was in their reach one at another shouting profanity. Soon the door flew open and Nathalie heard an angry voice of her boyfriend behind her. "What are you doing? Training's starting now."

Her eyes opened up wide and she froze up in place not daring to turn around and face her superior. Jason looked up and stuffed more sweets into his mouth staring at John. Nathalie chuckled at his behaviour and shook her head. "You are a dickhead, Jason." She whispered and he shook his head unable to speak.

"We'll be at the training grounds in five, Lieutenant." She said and heard MacTavish take a deep breath before he walked away.

Jason swallowed his chocolate and helped Nathalie clean up the things that they threw around. Once Simons' room was clean they left the barracks with Blue trotting along to the training grounds. When they reached the place MacTavish was already talking about a serious business. "...Now your results will be summed up and only the best will be invited to the task force..."

"Not that boring shit." Mumbled Simons. "Can I call in sick for the next two months until this shit is over?"

Nathalie nodded at his words still looking at Lieutenant. She didn't want to be part of international task force which actually meant that she and John would have to part their ways. Two months, two short months of training and military service with not many chances to spend time together. Nathalie couldn't blame John for doing it. He took full responsibility for not taking out Makarov when he had a chance to and all the terror acts he did over the time of his freedom. John couldn't feel relaxed when a dark shadow of the deaths he could've prevented by pulling the trigger stood behind his back. It might have meant that the three of them would've been dead in that factory but wasn't it worth to save hundreds maybe thousands of lives.

That's where Nathalie had a different opinion. She was there from the beginning and knew that even taking a bad guy out won't end anything and by the end of the next day he would be replaced by another and far worse person. That was the reality of criminal world and she had enough of it through her life. Silver didn't want to play a hero in some sort of super soldier team not only because she wasn't a type of person who could be a symbol of good and justice. No, she feared that digging deeper they would find out about her older identity and actions she tried to escape for so long.

Throughout the training Nathalie was distracted by her thoughts and didn't give as much effort as usually and John noticed that. He saw that something was bothering her and after training he asked her to stay behind the group. She sat down by the fence and Blue lay down next to her. John wiped sweat off his forehead walking closer to the woman he loved. He sat down on the ground in front of her and smiled though sadness was noticeable in his eyes. "What's wrong with you today?"

Nathalie looked up at him and wondered how she was supposed to tell him that it's over, that it will be over way too soon. "I won't be part of the task force." She said and looked down at Blue who was panting softly.

"What do you mean you won't be a part of it?" He asked looking at her trying to read her expression. She was sad and maybe a little regretful; her eyes that she tried to keep away from crossing his were cold and distant.

"If I get invited, I will resign. I can't be too known in the military world. They might start digging through my past which won't lead to any good." She explained gently rubbing Blue's sides and belly. Nathalie took a deep breath to hold back tears. It was difficult to talk about the ending of their relationship. "I'd rather stay here and be a low rank and low profile soldier no one knows about. If anyone finds out that you knew about my past you'll be in trouble too."

John looked at her with a troubled expression. He knew that she was right about it and was grateful that Nathalie cared about his safety too. It was just that he wasn't ready to let her go. MacTavish wanted to give her all of his love and not just behind closed doors. He needed to let everyone know that she was his special someone he wanted to spend his life with.

"Let's just stay happy together while we can." She said and finally lifted her eyes.

* * *

"I can't believe you are leaving tomorrow." Whispered Nathalie lying at John's side with her head on his chest. He had his arm around her and was gently stroking her hair with another. John brushed them off her face and gently followed her beautiful features with his fingertips. Nathalie looked up to him with her blue and green eyes when his thumb touched her lips. She smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss. John closed the distance between them while his fingers traced their way down her neck and chest. He was as gentle with her as he could feeling every little rough part of her soft skin that was damaged and left some bad scars. His hand was soon on her waist and John rolled in the bed that he was over her keeping his own weight with the arm that at first he had around her which was under her neck. They broke the kiss and John brushed his stubble against her chin. Nathalie giggled at the tickling sensation and even though he did it so many times over the time they were dating she always found it very amusing.

"You are so sweet today." She murmured touching his neck and chest with her hands.

"When you say it like that it sounds like I never treat you sweetly." He joked and went to put small and tender kisses down her neck up to the collar of her shirt. "You know that is really getting in the way."

That made Nathalie laugh and she tried to think of a sly response to it. "I am not taking it of unless you are taking your own first."

John leaned up keeping his weight on his knees that were set on the both sides of Nathalie and took off his shirt revealing a toned body. She trailed her hand from the top of his chest over his strong muscles down to his lower abdomen where was a scar from the events of six day war in Russia. It brought her a little bit of nostalgia because that injury was the reason they met. Nathalie looked at his manly frame that had a couple of scars symbolising the efforts he took there. Her body on the other hand had a ton of scars that were a sign of agonising life she had and she revealed them to John taking her shirt off.

It wasn't anything he hadn't seen before over the period of year and a half of their relationship. They've spent many nights together with and without clothes sharing their love with each other. That one night was special, it was the one they would remember the best. It was one long goodbye that they couldn't dare to say.

* * *

In the morning Nathalie went back to her room to let John pack his things. The closer was the hour of his departure the more her heart ached. She wanted to be with him more than anything, if he was going anywhere else and asked her to come she would have dropped everything she was doing and went with him. This time she couldn't do it for both of their security. All Nathalie wanted to do was roll up in the sheets and cry for the rest of the day but she had to stay strong and the emotion invisible to others.

When it was time for them to leave a lot of soldiers gathered up to wish them luck. Nathalie stood a little further away from the group watching them carry their things towards the chopper that was supposed to take them off to a new direction. She didn't ask John anything about the place they were going to. It was too painful to talk about the subject and she just pushed away any curiosity she had. There was her trainee Simon Riley waiting, a few of her teammates, and a couple of soldiers from other teams.

As she was waiting impatiently for the moment her heart was going to shatter into million pieces someone put their arm around her waist. She turned around and saw John moving even closer to her. He crashed his lips on hers dropping his bags on the ground to free his arm and put it around her. Nathalie put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him away. "What are you doing, John? Everyone's..."

John cut her off with another kiss letting everyone see that. A minute later he pulled away and said, "I am no longer your superior and can do this as much as I want."

Nathalie smiled and shook her head. "You did this much more over the year and I doubt others will enjoy this PDA."

"Who cares about what they enjoy?" Asked John and let her go. He gently took her hand and opened it so the palm was facing up. For a second there he searched through his pocket and pulled a small box and set it down on her palm. "Open it when I leave, alright?"

Nathalie nodded and John kissed her one last time. It was long, passionate, and intense kiss. She looked up at him and forced out a sad smile when he pulled away and picked up his bags. He sighed and walked away towards the other leaving soldiers. Looking at him walk away was too much for her and she felt her eyes get watery but Nathalie blinked the tears away. She squeezed the box tight in her hand and walked back to the barracks without turning around to look at John for the last time. She entered her room and sat down on the bed where Blue was snoozing. Nathalie opened the box and saw a silver chain with a small heart necklace and a little paper note with his handwriting on both sides. She took it out and began reading.

My love,

I wish I didn't have to write this but we are both grown people and our decisions led to it. I wanted to show you not only with my words but also actions that I love you more than anything so there is a part of my heart in this box. I have another one little part of your heart for myself. I know right now you think that this is so cheesy and to make it worse I'll let you know that those two hearts attract one another like magnets.

Also I know it's not much but both of us will be in the field with various ops and maybe there our paths will cross again.

Love you,

John.

Nathalie soon burst out in tears and Blue who was so casual at first got up and walked closer to her. When she didn't show any attention to him he gently licked her face and salty tears that were running down her cheeks. She took the necklace out of the box and put it on. Blue was persistent to cheer her up so she chuckled and lay down on the bed to let him show his affection. He gently put his front paws and his head on her stomach and she put her hands around him he gently licked them.


	28. Epilogue

The following day Nathalie was called in to the MacMillan's office. The younger soldier who was sent as a messenger didn't know anything about the matter but Silver had a feeling it had something to do with team's leadership. John left leaving her as the second field commander. There was also lack of soldiers counting the one's that left with him and two that resigned for their own personal matters. It was obvious that everything was going to change.

When she was right at the door to the office she straightened up and lifted her eyes that were red and a little swollen from crying. Nathalie sighed and knocked on the door half hoping General wasn't there as she wasn't in a mood to deal with any military business but she heard him say 'Come in' and couldn't do anything but enter. She opened the door taking a step inside and closed it behind her.

"Lieutenant Silver, please sit down." Said MacMillan and she walked closer to his desk where a free chair was. Her heart was beating faster from the words he said. It seemed so obvious to her that he was putting her in MacTavish's place she wanted to run straight away but she took the seat waiting for anything he had to say. "It is a difficult time for us with so many good soldiers being transferred. Don't worry, Nathalie, I see that you don't need no stupid chatter so I will get straight to the point. You are also being transferred."

"What? Where?" Silver seemed so surprised at the outcome her eyes opened wide looking at her superior.

"A different base here in UK. When you announced that you weren't leaving this country with others who now have a warmer place in Task Force I looked for something better for you too." He leaned forward and handed her papers with information about her new position. She was offered a squad/platoon leader in 2nd battalion parachute regiment at a base located at Colchester, Essex. It was a warmer spot: higher rank, already formed squad that she had to train with, and another position for a second in command if she wanted to take someone with her from the older team. To make things better it was up to her to decide whether she wanted to go or stay.

Nathalie looked up to MacMillan still thinking about the possibility. Hereford had become like home to her, she liked the place and she learned to tolerate other soldiers. "Is there a possibility for me to refuse this or go back afterwards?" She asked a little timid.

"You want to stay in a place like this for the rest of your service? Offer like this comes once in a lifetime. Of course they liked the video of you hunting the Russians I sent with your dossier which helped a lot." Explained MacMillan. He took a pen and extended his arm showing that she had to accept the offer. "Just know that you're taking the other person not giving them an option to come with you."

"He won't be able to choose?" She asked as she set the page on the table and took the pen from General.

"No. It is all up to you. Get used to being a leader."

Nathalie looked down at the lines of text and hesitantly wrote Jason's name at the place for the person who she was taking. She took another minute to think about it and then finally signed at the bottom of the page. Silver put down the pen and handed the paper to MacMillan. He read the name she wrote and looked up surprised more than Nathalie when she heard about the transfer. "Are you sure about it?"

"I am confident about my decision. I dislike him, I hate him, but he manages to keep it real." She explained her decision stating that it was final one.

"Very well, you are dismissed. Pack your bags you are leaving tomorrow."

Silver nodded and stood up casually glancing around the room. Nathalie walked outside thinking of the way to announce Simons about the leave. He didn't want to leave even more than Nathalie but it wasn't his choice anymore. When she walked towards the barracks she saw him being chased around by Blue. Jason was running around with a pit bull trying to bite his legs. She walked closer to them and started laughing. It was quite a sight after a full day of brooding and she just couldn't hold the happiness back down. It attracted a lot of other soldiers to watch what was happening but before any of could enjoy Simons' pain she called out Blue who launched running towards her. When he was close he just leaped right into her and Nathalie surprised by his sudden excitement barely managed to catch him.

"You know you're not a puppy anymore, buddy." She said and Blue started licking her face.

"About bloody time." Said Jason walking closer to her. He scratched the back trying to look irritated since he always said that Blue is annoying and useless. "I thought he was going to chew me alive. Good for nothing dog."

"What are you talking about? You just said one of his best qualities. So if you don't listen to your commanding officer he will bite your leg off." Nathalie leaned down to set Blue on the ground. She gently petted her loyal pup and straightened her back to see Jason staring at her.

"You got promoted?" He asked a little confused.

"I am being transferred to a different base where I will have a higher rank. And you are coming too." She answered and looked at Simons expression change from pretending to be irritated to actually being irritated. "You have no choice right. Pack your bags, we are leaving tomorrow." Nathalie said and walked off towards the barracks with Blue following her.

"I ain't fucking going, Silver. Don't think we are friends just because I have learnt to tolerate you." Shouted out Jason to her hesitantly walking after her. She didn't say anything back to him and it sent shivers down his spine. Usually Nathalie would've said something mad, something furious that would shut him up but that time her whole posture and confidence spoke for themselves threatening Jason not to mess with her and he complied. Simons picked up his speed to reach the barracks right after she entered.

* * *

Next day they left Hereford early and throughout the whole flight Jason didn't dare to say any of his usual insults and sarcastic jokes. He looked at her and felt weird sensation of control and power coming out of her. When they first met she looked more like a shadow, a survivor. He would have said that she was the best representation of phrase 'survival of the fittest' because no matter what place she was placed she would fit in. In battlefield Silver would be the most ruthless killer or the stealthiest hunter. When someone threatened her she would stand tall willing to fight against. But even being such strong and complex soldier she would never stand out as a person, she would always keep her thoughts and feelings private, and she would never act out to get attention.

Jason saw that she was different then. Those couple of years of service gave her more courage and she was ready to move on as a leader. If he tried to pull off anything that he tried in the first months of her arrival he would be destroyed. Though even then in their casual chat he managed to slip in a couple 'crazy' and 'princess'. Nathalie didn't mind him calling her that because at some point she was crazy and, well, being a princess wasn't bad either.

When they arrived they were greeted by Lt. Colonel Jeremy Watson who shown around the base for a while. He admitted that he thought Nathalie wouldn't take the offer and didn't prepare a room so she and Jason had to share one and sleep in a bunk bed. Soon after letting them drop off their things he led them to meet the new squad she was supposed to be leading. They met at the training grounds since the Lt. Colonel wanted to see who he got from Gen. MacMillan.

When they walked close enough Nathalie saw a group of six people standing by the entrance of which one was female. She stood out from the whole group and saw that she had her head up in the clouds. From whatever bits of information that Watson told her about the team and its past Nathalie got a feeling she was the leaders favourite.

"Everyone, gather up." Said Colonel and they walked closer to Nathalie, Jason, and Blue. "This is your new leader Lieutenant Nathalie Silver and second in command Sergeant Jason Simons."

"She? Our new leader?" Asked the stuck up Corporal Smith who before Nathalie arrived was the only female in the team. "This monstrosity is capable of being a leader?"

"Pathetic." Casually said Nathalie and took a step further. "No offense to your choices, Colonel Watson but I have no idea how this bunch of burdens was allowed to the battle field."

"Firstly, how dare you? You don't know anything about our skills. And secondly, Sergeant Brody said that none of us are a burden as long as we do our best." Smith became angry and her whole body heated up in fury. 'Oh boy, they must have been lovers' thought Nathalie watching her take a step forward. Lt. Colonel Watson was watching the exchange between them two trying not to interfere unless it heats up.

"And look at that, he and another loser that he tried to save are now dead because you burdens couldn't help them." She said and took a step forward to the training ground entrance. Nathalie looked at others whose expressions varied from pity to anger to sadness though nonetheless everyone was surprised how bold she talked about their dead leader. Some might thought that was disrespectful to the dead but she went through so much in life that the death itself was a part of her. "Anyone who doesn't want to be a waste of good military resources follow me to begin the training."

"What makes you think any of us will follow you?" Once again stood out Smith but another soldier grabbed her by the hand to stop but she kept going. "You can't force us."

"I don't know. Maybe the fact that this is not a kindergarten and I am not a teacher that has to force you to eat your vegetables." Nathalie shook her head. That chick was a female version of Simons just louder and with more annoying voice. Nathalie walked to the training grounds followed by Blue closely. The rest of the team looked one at another, some of them shrugged their shoulders but they walked after her.

"Way to go, princess, you have shown real dominance." Said Jason catching up with her.

"Shut up or I'll smack you across the face." She threatened and laughed at his words.

"Lieutenant." Called out Watson and Nathalie stopped in her tracks. She turned around to listen to him. "I can see that General MacMillan didn't lie when he said I won't regret taking you in. All I can say is I leave them in your hands to train them to hopefully be as strong and capable as you are."

"Thank you, sir." She said knowing that it was the beginning of a new part in life for her.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's how the first part of Nathalie's and John's journey through life. There will be a new story following soon. Look forward to it. Thank you for reading.


	29. Author's Note

Hello readers,

thank you so much for keeping up with Nathalie's and John's story. This part of their journey has come to an end but don't be sad I will be posting the new story "Do You Love Me After All" during this next hour so it will be up soon.

While writing a chapter for this story I managed to fail quite a lot. I use an app on my phone to write and you can confirm or cancel the changes to your text and after about 2 hours worth of writing my finger slipped and I pressed cancel. After agonising two hours I managed to write the whole text again. Hopefully I will stop failing like this in the future and I will be able to keep up the writing in the schedule I am trying to keep. I usually upload on Friday evening (my time). If by any means I miss it I upload it during the weekend.

See you soon on Do You Love Me After All :)


End file.
